


Kettle Whistle

by Anonymous



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: Alcohol, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Anal Fingering, Bathing/Washing, Begging, Child Neglect, Consentacles, Cunnilingus, Dissociation, Drugs, Emotions, Foursome - F/M/M/M, IN SPACE!, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Knotting, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Mpreg, Multi, Needles, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Not Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Compliant, Oral Sex, Parenthood, Past Abuse, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Russian Steve Rogers, Scent Marking, Selectively Deaf Tony Stark, Soda, Strap-Ons, Threesome - M/M/M, Trans Tony Stark, when you nut it push you backwards
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:20:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 57,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24309637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: The Winter Soldier kept a baby with him on missions so he wouldn't get lonely, so of course he leaves the baby with Steve, known lonely sonovagun, when he's trying to help Tony save their skins, trying to get Sam to help him drive a spaceship, or just trying not to deal with everyone else's PTSD. Also there is a clone of him somewhere, and it's his new mission to find him and get him laid.
Relationships: Bruce Banner/Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanov/Tony Stark, Bruce Banner/Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, James "Bucky" Barnes & Tony Stark, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Kudos: 11
Collections: Anonymous





	1. Crew Does A Zoom Call

**Author's Note:**

> Selectively deaf (^^in the tags) sounds like selectively mute, but it's not that I just made omegas voice frequencies hard for alphas to catch in this verse and Tony's the only alpha because harems are funney.  
> [pitpoggers.tumblr.com](https://pitpoggers.tumblr.com/) follow my marvel blog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter : Violence, guns, bombs mentioned, a child sees/hears it.

"This is officer Tony Stark, consulting genius aboard the USSS Hephaestus606. Who is this please respond." 

"Still me." The passenger said. "I don't know who I am." 

"You getting anything, Jarvis?" Steve said. 

"He's not on record, but it matches designation Winter Soldier." 

"Fuck."

"Fuck." Tony muttered

It must have caught the mic. "Hoping for an omega?" Bucky said. "It's okay."

"Who else is aboard?"

"Come find out, sir."

"Yeah, cool, a really funny guy." Tony said.

"This is my handler actually. Fingerprint authorization to launch." Bucky said. "Too smart. Couldn't think, had to go sloppy. Shoot me. (No, come on and shhh-shh.)"

"Alright, I kinda like him now." Natasha said.

Tony closed the comms channel. "Send him back."

"Oh sure, easy peasy." Steve said. "Flick the nose of his ship and it'll just turn around."

"Whatever. JARVIS give us some numbers and degrees. How's he coming in."

"I don't know about this." Bruce leaned back to look at Steve.

"He's asking for help." Steve said and then cleared his throat. Thor picked Steve up and squeezed him.

Smoke rolled off Bucky's arms and legs from the air-lock. "Get back. Get down." Bucky said, speechless, but encumbered by a gun. He was, as he has been the last time Steve saw him, hunched up like a wolf or a vulture. This time his hair was Medusa.

"You put yours away, Morpheus." Tony growled.

Bucky's hand twitched, and he paused before saying, "You first. My arm is a bomb, don't play with me. My ship's here."

"Aren't you two so cute messuring up at each other?" Natasha said. "Drop that thing now."

Bucky's eyes dilated and un-dilated as he looked at the crew, here at the foot of the airlock. He bore his teeth in a flash, and Steve felt his feet hit the floor. Then Bucky's eyes fluttered and his fist balled up, and he lowered his weapon.

"Who else was with you?" Tony said.

Bucky fidgeted, rubbing his chest. He growled, undid his jacket, and pulled out a baby.

"WHAT?"

"Hey!"

"That's a baby!"

It was hiding its face in his shoulder, and had a fist in his hair. He glanced at the crew, his head was down and his shoulders were bunched up. "He's not trasmitting 'nything. He's a baby." It was hard to sign baby with a literal baby in one hand. "He can hold himself up, but, he's a baby." Bucky continued, eyes fixed on the top of the baby's head. "Don't worry about him. His name is Soldier Demicheals. My name is, buh, Bucky Barnes." Bucky said, and made a stupid little face about how funny it was to stutter on your own name.

"You just had a baby on you? Like loose change and lint, just in your coat, like a watch salesman? JAVRIS you are due for a major upgrade at analyzing life-signs. Babies a,"

"Where," Bucky demanded, "Is Steve Rogers?"

"Don't--"

Bucky swung into Tony, pushing him toward the wall, and grabbed Steve pushing him against the wall, pinning him lopsidedly chest-to-chest.

"Ggggchgch." Steve struggled as Bucky's hand pressed against his neck. "Wchhhchgggh."

"Still you? What are you doing here?"

"Hrggggggwgg"

Bucky looked him in the eyes for at least 10 minutes. It seemed like he was trying to remember why he really shouldn't want to be choking Steve out, but he didn't make it. When his hand loosened up, Steve gasped, and coughed and hacked. Bucky grabbed the front of Steve's jumpsuit and pushed him downwards before Natasha launched herself at him. Steve's head was pounding.

"Steve." Clint caught his eye.

"I'm okay." Steve said. "Hgaaackck." Bucky'd turned him inside-out.

"Careful." 

"I know." Natasha said, as Bucky snarled.


	2. Doctor Look After You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to give Bucky a check-up and argue with everyone on the ship about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bucky's not super present during it. Could be worse.

"How did that happen so bad so fast?" Steve lamented in his office while Bruce looked at his neck. "Where are they, what did we do to them?" 

"It's only been, like, 5 minutes. Relax." Tony said from next to him. "Give Natasha a chance to do her job." 

"Stop being bitch, be nice to me." Steve whined :( 

"To you? Fine. Not to him." 

"Then why say Natasha will kill him when she won't." 

"Why'd he come to us? Why not turn himself in." 

"No one has let me talk to him! Maybe he is." 

"He attacked you!" 

"I want to know how long your temperature's been like this." Bruce muttered. "It shouldn't have jumped this fast. For your baseline." 

"I'm actually the one who's most like a medical doctor." Steve said, like he was the only one allowed to try even though closest he ever got to being widely useful was, like, a doctorate in cardiology, or something stupid like that. 

"Who's the medical doctor that looks after you?" Bruce said, poking around his cheeks. 

"You're 0 for 2, ma'am." Tony said. 

"Maybe serum is trying to metabolize back with you guys." Steve said. 

"You have the serum in this AU? Go back and do it all over again. Jesus. _I was a Soviet doctor and I have been up here for 100 years, AND I'm super-man._ " Tony said. "Why did I assume? I'm so silly." 

"I don't sound like that." 

"That's just what all omegas sound like." Tony said. "Hey, I would know, I went to college." 

"What day is it today?" 

"I'm perfectly aware of my surroundings. . It's day 445." 

"It's fucking day 3." 

"Tony." Bruce said. "But what's the name of this day?" 

"Thursday." 

"Every day can't be Thursday." 

"I have Bucky and he asks to appologize." Thor came in through the porthole. 

"That's my cue." Tony started across the room like he had little jets on his palms, twirling to watch Steve. "You know I'm not mad at you or something." 

"I was gonna say, stop by if you want me to give you a check-up, but, like, you're at that point, right? Because it seems like you hate me when I'm cute now." Tony said. 

Thor tried to subtly heard Bucky back out of Steve's office. 

"Aw. Tony you, no, I didn't mean," 

"It's fine. Stop by some time, Pi-kap-chu." Tony switched places with Bucky. 

"Please, please tell me that was just ploy to get me to call him cute." Steve mumbled to Bruce. 

"He knows you love him. I'm gonna go prep the centrifuge." 

* * *

When Bucky was left alone with Steve, he looked briefly panicked, but he quickly bounced back to preening under Steve's gaze. 

"Uh." Steve ventured. 

"Hey. Oh. I was hoping to catch you alone." Natasha poked her head in. 

"Evening, Natasha." Steve said. "I'm never alone." 

Natasha drifted in and sat on the counter. "I wanted to warn you..." She glanced at Bucky, who'd given her a double-take when she'd first come in, and whose baby (yes, that was real, not a bad dream) was still glaring at her. "Wait. I'm stupid. Nevermind." 

"Can I have the warning anyway?" Steve said. 

She raised an eyebrow. "Fine. Don't think too much about the past. He and you see it differently. Fix him, though, he stinks. I gotta go." 

"He's right next to you. Get out of here." Steve said exaggeratedly. 

"Be yourself, don't follow peer pressure." Bucky signed, very seriously. Steve stared at him. 

* * *

"You can talk if you want." 

"I don't." Bucky said. 

"And ask questions." 

"Are you following me?" 

Steve smacked his lips on accident. "Uh." He fell off the cabinet he was perched on. "Well, I'm glad your the one following me. I think it's you, you're the one who found us." It was probably important that Bucky got something out of questioning Steve besides him flinging himself across the room ass first. 

Bucky looked at him the exact way he had as the Winter Soldier, less trying to remember Steve and more trying to figure out what the fuck was WRONG with him. Or maybe both at the same time, remembering Steve acting out just to see what he'd do, being stupid. 

"Bucky, it's me, it's Steve." 

"Let me touch you." Bucky came over, pinning him against the bottom cabinets, but without using his feet to hug the wall, so he was pushing the top half of Steve against the counter. It was an important detail to Steve because it made his spine curve the opposite way spines usually do in Superhero comics. 

Bucky twisted them to one side, and Steve's heart jumped because it felt like if Bucky dropped his shoulders he would fall straight down. Now the only thing bothering Steve was the fact that one of the cabinet handles jabbed his leg on the transition, and that Bucky was practically smushing his baby between them, and it had chosen to try to pull Steve's chin off. Usually, Steve was good at "being sideways" "hovering" "not being on the same plane" and "m 

"What's wrong." Bucky snapped. 

"How are we staying like this?" 

Bucky let him go, moving backward to lean against the empty wall. "How many people are here?" 

Steve smiled. "6. 8." 

"8?" 

"Yes." It's just that there's certain things about some ships that are kind of funny, especially this one which had high ceilings. "Your baby's name is Soldier?" 

Bucky was like, take him if you're so interested, and came next to Steve to lean on the counter in a more normal fashion, by holding the edge of the countertop it in his hand. 

"No, you don't have to, okay I am holding your baby now. Is really called Soldier?" 

"He's okay, he's really good." 

This good baby was trying to trick Steve into dropping him. Steve tried to get him under control, make him stop climbing and kicking, trying to ignore Bucky's eyes on him. It was weird to hold him, because he was real. Steve wanted to look at his face, but he was too wild. "Right now, we want to give you intake to and make sure, and make sure you are not having withdrawal or injuries. Oh come on I have short hair, that's not fair. We get... you... settled back and, uh, we can find you a bunk. We can find you something! And we have observation deck/gym, and since Jarvis is flying, we sometimes have coffee at bridge. AND since, well, normal people aren't in space, I actually," 

"I'm not normal." Bucky's legs kicked out, and Steve's breath hissed through his teeth as he smiled, seeing a flash of Bucky in there. Soldier smacked him. 

"Clint is here." JARVIS said. 

He stuck his head through the porthole. He smiled at Steve, and then forced it to stay on his face for Bucky. "No hard feelings?" 

Bucky read his face and hands then his eyes slid away and he shrugged. "I deserved it." He wanted Soldier back, and Steve held him out and he stopped squirming when Bucky held him. Steve looked at the way that Bucky was holding him, with his left hand, and Soldier had HIS left hand on Bucky's chest. 

"... shoot you, aren't you supposed to be juiced up?" Clint said. Steve crumpled his face up, awkward about having zoned out. "I said I'm surprised we tranq-ed him." 

"He barely budged." Steve offered, and Bucky glanced at him. "We know you didn't mean it." 

"Yeah." Bucky nodded unsurely. 

"Speaking of juiced up, I got coffee for you." 

"You're sweet." Steve said, and Clint wrinkled his nose. Steve went over to take the coffees, and gave him a kiss. 

"I'll leave you to it." 

"Yeah." Steve glanced at Bucky, and took the coffees back to the counter he was doing one-handed pull-ups against. 

"You actually are normal, sorry." Bucky decided, face radiating wisdom. 

"I'm what?" Steve said, and Bucky kicked him so hard he hit the floor. He bounced back up to tackle him, and they spun and landed on the stool, Bucky crossing his legs and catching Steve's knee under his arm. Steve laughed, stretching and twisting and stuck on Bucky's back like an opossum, while Bucky pretended he was really concerned about Soldier. 

"Is he okay?" 

Bucky twsited and looked at him like he was offended by that, gave him a good long look that melted from 'You think I would have kicked you if I couldn't fight with Soldier?' to 'Steve, I missed you so much I forgot how to think of anything else.' Absentmindedly, he batted at Soldier's hand, and Soldier batted back. Patty cake. 

"Hello." Bruce came in, sliding down the wall as Bucky let Steve go, crossing toward them, collecting the coffee quizzically. 

"Hi Bruce. Bruce, this is Bucky, whBucky, this is Dr. Bruce Banner." 

"Hi Bucky." Bruce and Bucky shook hands. "Um just Bruce works. Hi Soldier." 

Bucky bounced the baby, and he looked at Bruce with an angry, betrayed, confused look. Steve would come to love that look, but it really struck him that it was already pretty late for a baby. 

"Him, him." Bucky suddenly trusted Soldier into Steve's arms. 

"I really..." Steve took him. "Um, that is coffee from Clint." 

"Oh that's nice." Bruce said. 

"Yeah, I, uh." Steve rubbed his jaw and Soldier grabbed his thumb and tried to pull it backward. 

Bucky stammered at Bruce, "You need, no. I should, no. ...I like you." 

Bruce laughed. "Me?" And Bucky's baby tried to kick off Steve's face to the middle of the room. "Yeep!" Steve squeaked, grabbing him. 

"Yes. Bruce." Bucky looked Bruce in the face for a moment. "You, Steve told me all about you." 

Bruce cocked his head, but smiling. "What did he say?" 

"Well obviously you're the only one holding us together." WHO, US? "You don't need him, of all people, to tell that. You know what you're doing, and you're making them feel safe. It's not a big deal." Bucky said, and Bruce was like, woah... for a whole second, before he realized that he probably just had one of those faces that said... all of that. 

"Stop." Steve tried to pull the baby off his head. 

"You can just put him down." Bucky said, and Steve leaned in to give Soldier back. "I'm in good hands." 

"We don't have to." Steve hastily assured. "As doctor, that's the lens I interact through. That's all. We can skip right to bed. (And look you in the morning.)" 

Bucky started punching him, but since Steve was standing, Bucky went easy on him. He paused to say, "This is the lens I interact through." 

"Yeah, fighting is secondary lens." Steve made the gesture of a punch, unwilling to punch a beta with a baby. Whumfh. 

"You don't fight." Bucky said, and handed Soldier back to Steve, who almost immediately let him launchpad again. But he didn't because he had good reflexes. "Where do you want me." 

"We want blood." Steve was like, easy breezy, just stay there. He went to prep a couple of needles. 

He came back with some alcohol wipes, and Bucky smiled, but it kind of looked like his lips were trying to lift a boulder. 

"Nurse." He accused. Soldier flung one arm out, like, "Nuh," and Steve couldn't help but smile. 

"Ready?" 

"Would it be easier if he didn't hold Soldier?" Steve said. "Bucky?" 

Bucky flinched at looked at him. 

"Nevermind, sorry, no, you keep him." 

"How has he been?" Bruce said. 

"Healthy." Bucky said, and Soldier imitated him. "Healthy." "Drinking fluids. He sleeps like a pound of bricks." 

"You seem great!" Bruce said. 

Soldier stuck his tongue out. 

"Steve to mess, Steve to mess, can I get a bite of a Steve to the mess hall, thank-you folks." Tony chimed in, signing off the comms without getting a word about it from Steve. 

"Ready?" Bruce said, and then stuck him. 

"Jarvis, would you tell him we're still with Bucky." Steve took the syringe from Bruce. 

"Yes captain." JARVIS said. 

"You should stay until we can give you some results." Bruce said, handing Soldier's syringe to Steve. 

"Fine." Bucky said. 

"YHe's annoying when he's cute and I'm busy, that's all" Steve said, going to the centrifuge. 

"You've been a little bit overly busy lately." Bruce grabbed a stethoscope out of a cabinet. 

"We haven't died." 

"And you've started three different projects." 

"I have ineffible work ethic." 

"You keep setting all those traps. It's very impressive that we keep setting them off and they work in low gravity. But you haven't set anything on fire this whole time." Bruce said, and the sincere worry in his voice made Bucky laugh. 

"Sorry." Bucky said. 

"I don't LIKE setting things on fire, they just happen." Steve defended himself. Okay, maybe Steve is a little big on the mad side for a scientist, but every single alien monster Steve creates isn't easy to put down, and sometimes you have to catch it, by chasing it around the ship and then cornering it in a trap that happens to be human sized. 

"While it's running, let's look at your back." Bruce said, and Bucky sat up straight contrarily. 

They felt his spine, looked at his ears and eyes, and then they took a break and Steve grabbed a jumpsuit for him. 

Bucky stripped slow, steady, and tricky, like he was trying to move all his guns and knives from his coat to his jumpsuit without getting in trouble. "What you got?" Steve said. Bucky dropped the two knives and one sippy-bottle he had been moving, and they floated at his waist like he was a psychic suspending them with static. Pulled a tennis ball out of his coat, and waited for a reaction from Steve and Bruce that nessessarily wasn't coming. 

"It tells if things are hallow." He kicked it at the wall (and we had to dub in a volley-ball noise because the tennis ball wouldn't scream in outerspace) and he caught it and tossed it toward his jumpsuit. "You can hear it's just corrogated metal in there." 

"No need to be nervous." Steve begged. 

"I know." 

It was really not so ugly of a jumpsuit, and maybe there was even room for Soldier. Well it was a hideous jumpsuit, but if you can take the heart shape on the chest; the buckles on the breast, hips, and thighs; the little pockets going down the middle; the collar; and the boots that looked like wing-tipped dance shoes--then all you had left to get over was the pockets at the hips and in inner-lining on the chest, which were very functional. Bucky left it zipped up to his navel, and the rest flowed around him. Soldier pulled on the shoulder of Bucky's undershirt, while Bruce passed the tennis ball from hand to hand and Steve tried to understand Bucky's mermaid hair for the third time in a few hours. 

Bruce listened to Bucky breathe. 

"Can I block your right eye and get you to read those letters? Bucky? See, can I block your eye and you fingerspell those?" 

Bucky looked like a possum in a box with a spot-light on it for a second. "I can read." 

"B." Soldier was like, I got this, the eye-test says B. 

"I won't touch your face." 

"I'm bad at tests. This isn't real. I could read this if it was real. I'll never use random letters in real life." 

Steve smiled like he was holding a boulder. 

"Alright. That's all we have for you. Let's read your blood."


	3. The

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bucky is so smart "I'm real. You're not." Is your baby real?

After they gave Bucky and his baby an IV and fought over whether he smelled sweet because of all the god damn H4 blockers that were in him or all the minerals that weren't in him, they discussed sleeping arrangements. In the morning, Steve would think of something to give him, and measurements for weening.

The main problem with sleeping was 1. what if Bucky is uncomfortable with the crew 2. there is actually only two usable beds, the big nest and Steve's quarters. Natash was probably in there, Tony was trying to make the ship's engines able to pull them out of the sun they were falling into. Bruce was here, Steve was here, and Bucky was here. And the big nest was empty. I mean it wasn't bare, just empty. There was also the sleeper-closet that Tony'd taken away from Steve this morning, in a custody battle that was bound to last at least 48 hours.

Steve defended the sleeper-closet, it may look like an upright coffin, but it stops you from floating all over the ship in your sleep. It may be the smallest, most claustrophic thing ever unless you close your eyes, but it's just like a bunk bed. Like, it wasn't relevant tonight especially when Steve had made Bruce and Tony tie a sheet down onto the ghoulish looking operating table so Bucky wouldn't worry, but fuck if a patient was gonna float away from Steve while was stitching them up or something. 

Anyways, Bucky was as close to being all in one piece as he could be, and they asked him what he thought about the sleeping arrangments, whichout mentioning the sleeping-cabinate.

Bucky, who'd been trying to coordinate a 'hide the baby in the coat' maneuver without zipping the top layer of the jumpsuit up, said, "With the alpha I threw." Without looking up, and Steve and Bruce looked at each other.

"If he's still working, I'll tell him to sleep. If not,"

"YES HE'S AWAKE MAKE HIM SLEEP." JARVIS said. Not loud, not annoyed at them, just annoyed at Tony.

"With Bucky."

"Yeah."

Steve gave Bucky a partial tour--getting from his office to the nest wasn't a straight line--narrating because Bucky wouldn't talk first and Steve was a fish in the desert with no head or guts. Bucky kept interrupting him.

"Thanks." Bucky'd said when Steve mentioned Natasha's office.

"What for."

"Thanks for holding him." Bucky gave Soldier to Steve again. "Why do you care so much?"

"It's my job." Steve said, and punched him. And Soldier smacked his shoulder when he moved his arm. "And you were there for me, and I'm here for you."

"Where?"

"Huh?"

"Nevermind."

"Just wherever we were. New York. Moscow. Europe. And I'm here for you now." Steve said, and he also wanted to know where. "Would you want to go back to Earth?"

"Good for your bones." Bucky said to Soldier, then his head snapped up. "Person."

"Hello sluts." Natasha said at one end of the corridor and wandered over. Her lips were parted a little, and her eyes were sharp because her face was shaped in a sharp way.

"I was thinking of stealing James away after you were finished with intake to drink some coffee and have a laugh."

"Come closer?" Bucky said big-ly. "C'mon." Soldier copied him.

"I am closer." She said because she'd been talking and chewing gum at the same time.

"I know."

"You don't listen? Do you think I'm like this for fun?"

"Yeah." Bucky said, almost smiling.

"We should talk. He used to think people like me and you were very intriguing. Seems like he doesn't like anyone."

"Huh?" Steve said.

"Come on you two, let's have some hot chocolate."

"Natasha." Steve whined.

She pouted. "It's only 2."

Steve made a face, and Natasha and Bucky leaned in. Steve said, "Nighttime, uh, it isn't real it's space. Neither is morning."

"Alright. I'll come with you to the nest, but I'm not staying. All my podcasts updated."

"Oh? Okay."

Natasha brought up All Dogs Go To Heaven 2, the only movie this ship had on it, and teased Steve for his ardent belief that All Dogs 1 wasn't a real movie. Natasha and Tony had teamed up to convince Steve that All Dogs Go To Heaven 1 featured the main character getting drugged and then run over in the first five minutes. And they were waiting to see how long it would take for Steve to just swallow that. He was not that cynical about pop culture.

Natasha gave Bucky a look, and Bucky just absorbed it. "Me and Bruce can sing the song Let Me Be Surprised." Not a real song, if you could call it a song.

"Give me a handhold, sweetie." Bucky said.

"What keeps my heart humming is guessing what's coming."

Bucky wrinkled his nose, and Natasha glanced at Steve.

* * *

Tony was already in the nest, and when he greeted Steve he sounded so serious that Steve hesitated a second before coming in.

"Oh what's he doing here." Tony grumbled, seeing Bucky peering in behind Steve.

"I..." Steve couldn't really justify bringing Bucky into a nest with Tony on his first night, could he? Bucky would have yelled at him in the old days, spending all the effort to find a pack for the two of them only for Steve to drag an alpha with a stupid beard in. 

Tony laughed. "Okay, YOU can come in."

Steve looked over his shoulder at Soldier, who was sitting with Bucky's hands under his arms, staring at the little lights in the nest. "Hey you." Steve said.

Soldier grabbed the plastic wire the lights were on, and Bucky grabbed his elbow before he could pull on it too much.

"Why is his name Soldier, isn't that a little mean for an ex- future- child-soldier?" Tony demanded.

"Hydra gave him a worse name." Bucky's arms came up to sign like Soldier's head was his own. Which is weird because Steve could have sworn it said Daniel or something in the files.

"That's weird, don't do that." Tony said.

"I got my eye on," Bucky did a sign close to Soldier's face and he zero-ed in on it and grabbed Bucky's hand to use him as leverage and sidestep him. Bucky's hair fanned out as he followed. Steve craned to watch Bucky go down the hall.

"Anyway." Tony said, scooting closer with one hand on the top of the nest, butt on the mattress, so Steve could hook their ankles together and Tony wrapped his other arm around him. "We're like a Newton's Cradle on the desk of a guy who won't do his job."

"Alpha." Steve sighed.

Tony looked at him. "I get it though. Cheap ships suck." He said. "You look better." He kissed Steve's jawline, barely brushing his lips like Bucky'd only slugged him there instead of choking him. Steve rubbed his cheek against Tony's beard, and Tony caught his lips, and he moaned when Steve sucked on his bottom lip.

"Jesus Christ." Tony said when he pulled away to gaze at Steve and instead saw a dark blur over his shoulder.

Steve twisted his upperhalf and looked at Bucky.

"I'm real. But not you or you." Bucky leaned on the wall with his elbows in the nest and Soldier's arms around his neck.

"I was doing that only because I miss him." Steve blurted.

"Really??" Tony said to Steve. "We're not in Kindergarten." Bucky smiled, though.

"Noted." Steve said. "We are real. Uh, you aren't dreaming? Get in here beta. What's wrong."

Bucky crept in, nudging Soldier down to his arm. "Nothing."

"Come here. What's wrong?"

Bucky scooted toward the two of them, eyes trained on Tony with a soft expression, like he was waiting for TONY to answer Steve's question.

"Me? Nothing."

Bucky nodded.

"Nothing." Tony insisted to Steve. 

"Take a week off. I'm not kidding."

"Why would I take an entire week I can finish it by Tuesday."

"Take a day off you'll still be fine." Bucky said. "Whatever it is. Look at him."

That made Tony smile. "Yeah, look at me. I could do this with my eyes closed."

"Then do close them." Steve said.

Steve let Bucky go and looked at him. "L, uhh, can I pin you?"

"Can you pin me? I don't know, can you?" Bucky stretched out, setting Soldier on his stomach, hand from his hip to his knee.

"I was just gonna," Steve put a knee against Tony's hip and a finger on Bucky's chest to bring him to the mattress, and then pushed him sideways until he slid up against a cushion. "Good or bad."

Soldier looked like he was gonna climb onto a pillow--Steve had basically just pushed Bucky under a heap of fluff which started moving like balloons--but the baby slipped upwards off Bucky and got confused for a moment. Bucky put his elbow on the pillow so it couldn't follow him up and Soldier planted his feet and one hand on it.

Bucky laughed. Steve eased up on him, and he threw a knee over the pillows and pushed back.

"This is ridiculous." Tony said, switching arms. "You look like you're playing twister AND trying to roll him out of the nest."

"Oh, Bruce." Steve grinned.

"There you are." Bruce slid into the nest.

"I'm here." Bucky waved from his wrist.

Steve offered his hands to Bruce and pulled him close and kissed him. Tony reached for him, swung him over to his side of the nest, and they rubbed cheeks, sighing and moaning. Steve sighed to himself and just wrapped himself around Bucky, rubbing his chin on his right shoulder. "Good or bad."

"Good."

"Mm, good." Steve said, and then eventually he got restless and rolled over.


	4. Distraction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I need," Bucky did the sign between Steve's eyes. "To elbow you in the nose."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Talkin' bout Soldier so background child abuse stuff.

And of coruse, Steve could not sleep. 

"Steve." Tony said very quietly.

Steve rustled his sheet. He was between Bruce and Bucky, because he and Tony were used to Bruce, but Tony was very not used to Bucky. 

"Did you know that bees like humans more when they're not wearing bunny suits? Because if you go up to a bee in a tee-shirt, you're going to move more soft and gentle that you would if you in a suit of bee-armor. If you go up to a bee and you hold it in your hand, that's a social thing. Domesticated bees like humans. And they are domesticated. They get li--"

Bucky sat up like a dracula jack-in-the-box, but he hit his head on the top of the nest. "Grrr."

Tony (and Steve) were quiet.

"Bruce isn't asleep." Bucky muttered aloud defensively. Bruce rolled onto his back, caught red handed not having fallen asleep either, I guess.

"Bucky?" Steve whispered.

"You alright babe?" Tony said.

"Steve something something needs to squeeze in between betas something something god damned nest." Bucky switched back to his usual manner. 

"Say it outloud, we can't see you." Steve said.

"You can." Bucky pointed out.

"Sorry." Tony said.

"S'okay." Bruce said, but he turned back on his side like he expected them to let him sleep. They did.

* * *

"Quit it." Steve told Bucky when his fidgeting and prodding got annoying.

"Soldier." Bucky announced

Steve and let Bucky hand him over. Soldier was like, fuck yes, time to escape and hit MY head also, can't stop me because I'm a baby, with unimaginable baby strength.

"Wow, your baby is really expressive." Steve said, letting Soldier go back to Bucky, but the baby was still in fight mode, so he got two fist-fulls of Bucky's hair like he was rappelling in a blizzard. Bucky booped his nose, moved him and made him mostly let go, and they played 'woah! a nose! that's crazy! woah! a nose! that's cr'

"No, he isn't, but, something something." Bucky said.

"Do babies have 24 hour clock?"

"25."

"Is he hungry? Oh no, do we have formula here?"

Bucky tossed a bottle to Steve.

"Oh." Steve sloshed it around.

Bucky frowned, reflexive like he'd smelt something.

"What?" Steve said.

"I feed him. I know what he needs, before he thinks to need it."

Steve frowned.

Bucky grabbed Steve's shoulder. 

"It just, it just got me that he's a real person, that's all." Steve said. "It made me sad. I'm glad you rescued him."

"He's a baby, what are you gonna do about it. Will you give me the bottle, please?"

"Oh." Steve tossed it back.

* * *

Steve's motorcycle was stuck in a snow bank so he started digging paws first. He must have been processing things, because he started dreaming that he, Bucky, and Natasha were a Hydra Strike team and happy about it. Not happy, being chased. Being chased through Paris all on one motorcycle that moved like a fancy seat in a movie theater. Steve got shot. His heartbeat was really loud and it was getting sucked out of him. Bucky locked him in an airlock and it repressurized and his hands were burning and bubbling he was okay then that airlock lead into the ship of his old strike team, and Bucky were there, young and in his uniform with his stupid hat, and he said, "Moooo," And then it took forever and ever for Steve to wake up.

"I think that's the point of toys is to secretly teach them stuff. I don't know." Tony said. 

"Yeah." Steve pointed at him, half asleep. 

"All your stuff is teaching is animal sounds and being annoying." Bucky said. "Irrelevant to Hydra's goals." :( 

"Yes they do and yes they are." Tony said to Bucky. "Do you realize, omega, how long we were arguing before I figured out he just honestly believed that stuff?" Tony said. "I had to tell him his baby is fired from being a baby like 3 times." 

"No I didn't realize how long you argued with him before you realized he just honestly had been coerced into believing 'that stuff'." Steve bore his teeth. 

"Don't worry, we're square now." Tony said, about half way into Steve's rant. "I'm gonna make a frog for the kid. Gonna work no matter the gravity. The little black dress of little green robots"

"It'll pee on you." Bucky said. "Your hand. When you pick it up."

Steve yawned and shooed at both of them, rolling over and then kicking at the sheet when it got tangled around his legs.

"Steve's on my side." Tony said. "Just a cute frog that can hop and stick to things."

"Kids like gritty. Realism."

"You won't let your kid have polka-dots."

"No object permanence. For counting."

* * *

Steve was in a first person shooter. I mean he was really in it, skating across the ground. His crosshairs only were visible on the corner of the wall in the center of the... screen. Besides the corner, which Steve kept turning back to, were doors, randomly like a maze, all labeled in Russian : 

TONI STARK  
Enter only if you're alone.

NATASHA ROMANOV  
Only enter if you are alone

And so on. Steve turned his head a couple times, frustrated that the words wouldn't stick, frustrated that his crosshairs kept blinking. He broke down one of the doors with his hands.

"Breathe." Tony said, hidden from sight. "We're on the USSS Pile of Garbage." Yeah, it's definitely Tony.

"Hephaestus606." Bruce corrected. 

Steve tried to catch his breath. Bucky was leaning over him grimly, hair splayed like he was headbanging.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Bruce said.

Steve twisted over, away from Bucky's glazed-over eyes, and Bruce rubbed his shoulder. "Sorry for waking everybody. I don't like ship. I don't care about gravity." He punched a pillow and hit Bucky's collarbone with the back of his head.

"It's fine. Don't worry." Bucky said, not a comfort.

* * *

"No. I like being in a pack. Plus, JARVIS is doing all the hard work."

"Got Steve asleep."

"I'd get used to doing this." Tony warned. "But usually I snore... I kind of miss him, you know?"

"You didn't say. Closed pack."

"A closed pack isn't fair. But, we tend to have bad luck, like, I think Steve's other pack tried to kill him. We're only together on accident it feels like. Usually we're saving the world not spiralling past the gravity of a star."

"Sounds scaaary." Bucky mumbled, like he was starting to like the sound of his voice. Tony, you son of a bitch, how'd you get him to do that? "And you're the only guy to fix it?"

"What are they supposed to do, punch the sun?"

"Alpha." Steve reached out. 

They were quiet a moment. Bucky petted Steve like a King Charles dog.

"I think you should keep an eye on him." Tony said.

"He keeps looking at me like I should be grabbing him by the ear. ...What."

"You're less fling-me-against-a-wall in the wee hours, huh?"

"Eh." Bucky said. Tony muffled his laugh.

* * *

Steve rolled over and pushed his face into the crook of Bruce's shoulder.

Tony was losing a mumble fight with Bucky. "I'm the alpha. You know that, right? You've had enough normal interaction outside of killing people to guess?"

"Some interactions here." Bucky said. "I've had stupid ones today."

Tony snorted. 

"It's what it is. I'm not talking to you as a beta, you're talking to me as an alpha."

"That's not a thing."

"I'm not talking to you as a beta, you're talking to me as an omega."

This asshole goes from choking Steve out to calling Tony a bone-head.

* * *

"I don't think any of you slept." Bruce accused in the morning.

"That's bear trap over there's fault." Tony said.

"What?" Steve said, concerned for a split second that Tony still hated Bucky.

"This guy! Thinks there's only one kind of insulation for spaceships, and it's not even a kind they USE in spaceships. You know ships? Things that hold people are cargo?"

"You talked to him about space?" Steve whined jealously. "You only talked to me about bees."

"I was trying to lull you to sleep. Didn't it work?"

"He _cares_ about you, he wants to argue with me, kept me up all night." Bucky signed. NO, okay it's obviously fine to sign, alright? It's not condescending or sneaky when other people sign in this crew, period. But why is he doing it? Everyone can hear him and everyone can see him. "On the topic of breaking through hulls of spaceships, come with me."

"Sorry for getting mad about frogs and cows." Steve remembered a little bit of his dreams. "We should get breakfast first."

"Classic." Tony said.

"After." Bucky said.

"Yeah, after I fix your arm, Meet Dave." Tony said.

"Before." Bucky said.

"Steve should make you something." Bruce said.

"Make me it after."

"To clear up brain." Steve whined in protest. He could stay up late noodling like Tony if he had something important to noodle about.

"AFTER."

"But you can't have on empty stomach."

Tony and Bruce herded them out of the nest and into the mess kitchen to get some energy bars and power shakes. Which is really all Steve could expect, it's not like he was asking them to all sit down for some French toast and Arnold Palmers.


	5. Owen Wilson Pit-Stop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Top 10 Cuts Of The Bucky Beef  
> 10\. Short Ribs  
> 9\. The Bisexual Way  
> 8\. Baby Back Ribs  
> 7\. T-Bone  
> 6\. Tony Fixes Bucky's Arm Always A Classic  
> 5\. The Feet  
> 4\. Breast  
> 3\. Thigh  
> 2\. Yes We Did Inject Hormones In This Meat Twice  
> 1\. Vertically

Steve chewed on his power-bar and followed Bucky and Tony, who were conspiring. Bruce was heading to the bridge.

"I got an idea, let's cut him in half." Tony said.

"Can we not." Bucky signed, glaring right past/through him.

"I get the top, you can have the bottom. You guys like injecting people in their butts, right?"

"Arms."

"Then let's cut in him in half the other way."

Bucky winced mildy. Like in a bored way.

"Alpha, I said be nice."

"He knows I'm kidding. Look at him." Tony said.

Bucky molded his face like he was very serious. 

He was leading them to the dock.

"Oh that's our ship!" There was something about the time of day that made the ship easier to focus on. I guess it's like that for people who aren't being strangled. "The Howling Commaniblized."

"Does this solve your problem?" Bucky said.

"I could have done it by Tuesday. It's totally cheating having a second engine." Tony said. 

"Great."

"Bucky, don't you remember this? Doesn't this bring anything up? Us all arguing about how to put it together?"

Bucky shrugged. "I know how to hold a wrench. I can work on old engines."

"Good enough for me." Tony said, and Bucky started back down the hall.

Steve just made a stupid noise. "Wait, Hydra had our ship...?" And looked at Tony, who shook his head. Whoever had the get-away, their first ship wasn't there.

"No, I found it in the old ISS, the renown museum that anyone can edit." Bucky pointed at it, way beyond the Howling Commaniblized. "Apparently. I edited a whole ship out of it

Steve laughed. "Alright. Well, thanks. For coming here." He gave him a one-armed hug. "And being okay."

"I'll be okay if I can have a beer at lunch."

"Yeah you'll be fine. So, defuse first, doctor next. That good?" Tony ushered them back into the hallway.

"Yes." Bucky said.

"What? Defused?" Steve said.

"Yeah. Get this, the bomb was his idea." Tony closed the porthole.

* * *

"Explain again." Steve marched them back to the mess hall.

"He," Tony said.

"I don't need to hear from you."

"He," Tony signed.

"I put a bomb in my arm so wherever I ended up, the room would have to treat me well." Bucky signed. "But it's you. So I don't need it."

"It's hooked up to his heart." Tony said.

"It's what?"

"It takes a lot to get me worked up. When I know my enemy." Bucky said.

"Well we're your best pals." Tony said, and then looked at Steve like hey isn't it cool? "We're used to not putting people in corners, though."

Steve glared at him.

"I mean, he put a bomb in himself, it's not like he thought he was playing Operation. It's a little different." Tony looked at the camera and said, "Autonomy."

"At night you have slumber party but in morning you w," Steve started and Tony shooed at him!

"You're not listening. You're not listening."

"I don't need it." Bucky said, scowling like he'd neglected to mention he had a bigger, scarier bomb in his other arm. Or maybe just like he thought they were being pretty annoying.

"You don't need it." Steve promised. "Sorry."

"Wait is the bomb in your arm or in the ship." Tony said.

"Oh, there's a bomb in the ship, but it's staying the way it is." Bucky said, staring at Tony, no longer scowling.

"Great!" Tony said. "My favorite. Someone should call Clint."

"I been meaning to talk to him. But I've got a full schedule. Aren't you supposed to give me brain worms or something?" Bucky said.

"Just." Steve sputtered. "Well, I don't know yet. I had some ideas, but I can't just. Just."

"Go." Bucky said.

"Well. Do you feel like brain is slow?" He'd realized they didn't even try to look at his brain last night, is the thing, just what chemicals were in it. Like, did it look like a burnt-down forest? Like a ravine? Like a map of Paris at night?

Bucky pouted at him.

"Relative to... some other time. A couple days ago."

Bucky and Tony both frowned at him. "Yes. Murky." Bucky said.

"I can fix that. How's your shoulder?"

"Great." Bucky was like I can pitch, I can pitch screwball, I can pitch fastball. With my right arm.

"Good. And the other?"

"It's fine, it doesn't matter."

"C'mon. I could at least give you something. Do the scars hurt? The muscle?"

"Give him vitamin E." Tony said.

"I don't think about it." Bucky shivered and stretched both his arms out. "Hot but numb. It's between the skin and the muscle." He wrinkled his nose like that didn't make sense.

"What about your back?"

"Just treat me like I'm 100."

"I will order you cane to beat up whipper-snappers." Steve said. "Let me scent you."

Bucky made a funny face.

"Not in a romantic way. Give me your chin." 

"Oh, NOT romantic. Got it." Bucky bent his head back and Steve rolled his eyes and pushed the side of his hand against Bucky's jaw a couple times. Your supposed to use a tongue-depressor or just get your face in there. Steve trained his expression when his hand just smelled like dried out soap or whatever the hell space-men use to wash up.

"I lost my scent can I barrow yours?" Bucky said and smashed his face against Steve's. Tony hooted at them. First he was barely brushing against Steve, then pushed against his cheekbone hard, one hand on the back of his head and one around his back, and rubbed in an awkward rhythm that he couldn't keep up with. "Thanks, bro."

"Stop looking at me every time he does anything." Tony said when Steve did. "Like he wasn't dumb back in the day. Bro."

Steve sighed at him. 

"Anything else?" Bucky said.

"Stomach?"

Bucky shrugged. "Thanks for the power-shake."

"Oh yeah!--No problem, they're always in pantry if you want more. And granola and anything else. We have ice cream!--If you could have anything, what would you? Chocolate? Steak?" Steve ignored Tony's weird look.

"Soda." Bucky said. "Soda. Dr. Pepper."

"I swear to God, Bucky, we are gonna get you Dr. Pepper." Steve swore, and Bucky and Tony both smiled. "It's not in vain if I'm actually gonna do it."

"Someday." Tony said. Tony owns a slice of Dr. Pepper and has it on tap. With lemon wedges.

"And where would you go if you had freedom of movement?"

"Disney. Or just Hydra colonies to fuck them up. What is freedom? Is it safety?" Bucky said.

"Disney?" Tony said. "Land?"

"Coney Island?" Steve said.

"No, Disney." Bucky said. Hrrumph.

"I can put you up in Malibu and get you a driver." Tony said. "I'm serious."

Bucky rolled his eyes but smiled.

"Hey you two." "Morning." They passed Bruce and Natasha and got to where Tony was posted up doing star math and, you guessed it, dismantling things into parts.

"Well, it's my weekend with him. Go back in your soccer-mom-mobile."

"Need pain-killer?"

"For his arm?" Tony looked at Bucky, who wrinkled his lip.

Steve watched him. "Is that, _ugh, you offering me medicene without me asking first,_ or, _ugh, Tony's really going to look in my arm?_ "

"I probably am gonna be all up in you, Cabinet Man." Tony said.

"Who's watching Soldier." Is what Bucky said.

"Ohh, I guess I'll have to take him." Steve said.

"It's not so bad."

"Does carrying Soldier around all the time hurt?" Steve bent his elbow.

"It's space, it doesn't matter. No I don't need medicine."

"You don't want anything, huh?"

"I'll take what you prescribe." Bucky handed over Soldier and stood up straight.

* * *

So of course the first thing Steve made was Soldier move his arms out of the way. The first thing Steve made was Soldier drop that, drop that right now give me, thank-you. The first thing Steve made was cream to cool down Bucky's shoulder, just in case he wanted it, and maybe it would be good for his back.

There were some road-bumps in Steve making Bucky's medicine besides Soldier's constant vies for attention. Mainly just the developments in them probably very soon being either at Avengers Tower or USSS Stark or some god forshaken place, meaning that Bucky's crooked back would have to actually support him under gravity, official or artificial. But, like, probably THIS dose would be just for his range of motion. Not that making a dose for a super-soldier without using weight calculations was easy. And then there was everything else, the memories, the disassociation, the weird levels of chemicals in him. Also the scent thing was. Well it was there. I mean it wasn't, is the thing. Hopefully fixing one thing in his brain would help the rest. Hopefully Tony's bedside manner was better than Steve's.

* * *

Tony came to drop Bucky off, and Bucky took Soldier back, and the baby touched his cheek and furrowed his brow at him.

"Here's your cure-all." Steve had a vial. "Just 50/50 heroine and cocaine."

"Didn't you make me anything?" Tony pouted, hovering like Steve was just gonna give Bucky a shot and send him off to help Tony make the Howling Commaniblized into a resource. I mean he was. But still.

"No, sorry. HIPPA." Steve said.

"Don't forget to give him a lollypop." Tony said. Bucky watched him go and Steve sat on the counter.

"It's just some technobabble nonsense chemical words." 100% ethenol! "It took a minute to balance it, but you still might get mood-swings, vision, smell, and touch, the serotonin, the cleared thinking, executive function and emotional regulation, your metabolism starts getting back to normal, normal beta homeostasis follows the metabolism, mood-swings, you'll stop feeling float-y or puppet-y, lowered sex drive. And then the side-effects are depression, anxiety, disassociation, higher sex drive." Steve said.

"So, mood-swings?"

"You will just be emotionally sensitive, but it shouldn't be overwhelming. I can write you a doctor note telling Tony not to harass you if you want to help him with the ship." Steve said. "Sorry." He said, when Bucky didn't laugh. "I can make you a weaker injection, mood wise." He offered, but Bucky wasn't buying it. "You need serotonin, Buck. You'll even out, just, if you're not feeling anything right now."

"Don't be upset. Sarah Toenan." Bucky said, and Soldier bumped his head back against Bucky's chest.

"Serotonin." Steve fingerspelt it. "It's 'the happy chemical' but of course it's much more complicated than that, it makes your neurons able to communicate."

"I don't need to be able to communicate with it." Bucky decided, and moved so his shoulder was closer to Steve. 

"Well, you do. Okay?"

"Go ahead."


	6. Clingy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky and Tony start working on the ship, and Steve and the other Avengers watch the baby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This should have been the 4th of July chapter. Look at this:  
>   
> Now look away.

"Will you let me observe you a minute?" Steve pouted to Bucky in his office.

"Mm." Bucky was like, yeah, but do it quietly.

* * *

"Doc."

SEE IT'S WORKING. "Yes."

Bucky closed his eyes and sighed. He was probably tired. "You still think this isn't real?" Steve worried.

"It's fine." 

"Bucky."

"What." Bucky challenged.

"I don't know." Steve said quietly.

Bucky's eyes narrowed, calculating.

"Buck. The reason it doesn't make sense, whatever you think we're doing, is because we aren't. Everything that happened and is happening is real--well--how is your back?"

"Fine."

" _Fine_ your back is fine, or _fine_ shut up about reality."

"Reality isn't even real if it was real." Bucky pointed at Steve's window, which was covered because infinitity is just a lot to take in sometimes. I mean, when it's cold and dark. That's the opposite of the kind of infinity that Steve was comforted by. 

"Yeah, we're just in space. We aren't alone." Steve said. Sorry for talking about God, mostly Steve is talking about the pack.

"Huh? Oh yeah." Bucky quit smelling his baby's head to spare Steve a look. 

"Do you want me to hold him?"

"Sure." Bucky balanced the baby on his palm and slowly passed him to Steve. Steve just tucked him against his bicep like Bucky ususally did. He tried to climb up Steve's shoulder. "Are you trying to make me normal?"

"I mean I could make you a dose of omegarone, but you shouldn't have shocks anymore."

"You're trying to make me better." Bucky guessed.

"Define normal."

"You're making me worse, got it. I think it would be funny if I got de-serumed." Bucky said, and snorted when he saw the gears in Steve's mad scientist brain start to go. "Work at a circus like a respectable person." 

"A circus?"

Bucky wiggled his fingers around like he could make sparks or forcefeilds or something, and popped Steve's chin with the toe of his shoe when Steve got to close. Steve gasped and fell backwards. "Sorry."

* * *

"I got JARVIS to do some readings. From a distance. This thing is like a Furby with 20 year old batteries that still talks. Steve better stay here." Tony said at the same time that Bucky said, "No omegas." 

"No?? Hello? I can help."

"You can watch Baby." 

For a second, Steve wanted to put Tony out the airlock for leaving off the article in ''the baby'', because if Tony figured out that got under Steve's skin he probably wouldn't give him any peace until he was dead. And the next second, Bucky lunged for Tony, and Steve tried to stop him, but accidentally flipped him instead of just grabbing him. Steve was too surprised to catch himself. Bucky tried to throw him on the ground, but he just simply didn't get go of Bucky because his reflexes were immune to getting thrown. Bucky got pulled by Steve's inertia, and Tony caught them before they could start spinning out of control.

"Thanks." Steve said.

"It's Soldier." Bucky spelled, looking at Tony.

"Fine, Soldier. Jesus." Tony said. Steve thought about Soldier with a halo in a manger with farm animals around him. "You good."

"That wasn't--anything." Bucky said. "Sorry."

"Sorry." Steve told Bucky. "Let me come aboard, I can auspice you two.

"You're going to space weeb jail is where you're going." 

"It's a shuttle, sure, but it can hold plenty of people."

"It's not holding you."

Steve let it go. "Fine."

"Fine." Bucky held Soldier out, and Steve held him under his arms and Bucky slipped his hands away.

"Can I hold him like this?" Steve cradled him against his chest.

"Hmmmmm." Bucky looked at that tableau. "Yes." 

"JARVIS, would you let us out?" Tony said.

"Don't you play hard with him." Bucky said. "Don't let Natasha have him."

"Hey, don't be like that. But I get it, no rough-horsing," Steve guessed confidently, bouncing Soldier when he tried to kick his arm. "Do I just hold him the whole time?" That seemed to be how Bucky did it, but, uh, Soldier liked Bucky.

"Do not put him down. Don't--no never mind." Bucky closed his eyes like he was getting a headache, and growled.

"Tell him." Tony said. "Don't yell at him later for putting him in a bassoon."

"Don't put him in a bassoon." Bucky said. "Don't--don't--he's not a toy, that's it." Bucky pulled Tony with him into the airlock and shut the door.

"Whoof." Steve said to himself. "Aren't you just my teddy bear now? Aren't you?"

Bucky pushed the porthole back open, then said, "And don't monologue at him."

"Bbbbbbbbpft." Steve stuck his tongue out at Soldier, who smiled and wiggled.

"TONY." Bucky called Tony back to yell at Steve for him.

"I was... kidding." Steve insisted, trying to use both hands without letting Soldier be percarious.

"What's wrong, babe?" Tony said. "Bassinet. I meant bassinet."

Bucky just pointed like it was self evident what Steve was doing. So much for that tableau.

"Don't annoy him with your weird face." Tony said, and then made a face.

"Don't annoy him." Bucky said.

"When are you coming back?" 

"I dunno. When it's done?" Tony asked Bucky, who nodded. "It might be after dinner." 

"Oh." 

"If you don't want to watch him, I can do it with Bruce or something." 

"I just want to know when you'll be done." 

"Don't frown at him."

"He is not even looking at me."

"He can read vibes." Bucky said, and then smoothed out. "Bye."

"Bye." Soldier waved.

Steve thought maybe Bucky meant just simply not to play with Soldier. He could wonder around his office with a baby flip-flopping against his arm, but that sounded annoying for Steve. They would catch All Dogs 2 together... But it might be scary for the baby. And no, that does not prove that All Dogs 1 is real, thank-you very much. Movies are scary for babies at a certain age, that's why kids like them so much. 

Deciding to just be a freak, Steve read science book outloud to Soldier, because he'd been reading about jam and bread in his free time. JARVIS helped him find it, and the baby struggled the whole time because while the writing was sharp, it sound like wa wa wa wa wa from the Peanuts to him. And he was probably wondering where Bucky was. Like, this baby, does he have any idea what's going on?

Bruce and Thor were like, we heard you were reading about beef jerkey and we want to look at you with big old eyes and make Soldier get really excited.

"Our new friend left his infant son under your eye." Thor asked.

"Yeas. He is helping Tony, uh, move engines around or something. Between his ship and ours. I'm not interested in purposefully letting this ship go. It didn't do anything wrong." Steve said, as the camera panned to an obscure angle where you could literally see a panel of the wall had the Hydra symbol on it like SHIELD had cannibalized a Hydra fighter-ship or something and not even bothered to paint it silver. On one hand, it's nice to recycle and it's nice to recuperate evil things and use them to do good things, on the other hand... uh... I'm kidding it wasn't that obvious but the music-score gave it away. Did the Hydra ship itself do anything wrong. Steve glanced accidently at JARVIS's speaker--did the Hydra ship itself do anything wrong?

Soldier smacked the keyboard, and Steve went back to reading, stumbling at the beginning to look up at his adult audience. They both did notice Steve giving his signature distracted thoughtful profile long enough for the background to get in focus, but they were ignoring it. Or, Steve suspected they noticed and were trying to ignore it.

Steve hit the conclusion to a section of the chapter and sighed. 

"How you doing?" Bruce said.

Steve just blinked at him and sighed again. "Good. Bucky said not to play with him. So I am reading him non-play book. It was this or Conquest of Bread. He, I didn't think would mind, if we started in the middle. Velveeta and Spam."

"Mmm." Bruce said.

"Oh come on. Velveeta is probably vegan, it's same as what they put in Cheezits."

"Yeah, thanks for trying, but cheese being vegan usually, uh, makes it bad." Bruce said. "That's why it's, like, not used in stuff, you know?"

"Well, I like that stuff. It's not about how unbareably salty or mushy it is."

Soldier struggled.

"Am I supposed to be watching you? What do you think your doing?" Steve wrangled him and he settled down. 

"Sam Wilson is calling." JARVIS announced, and Steve jumped up with Soldier to the bridge.

* * *

"Steve's here." Natasha announced.

"Took him that long?" Sam said.

"Whatever. Come up here and race me."

"I'd love to, just buy me more life insurance. I'm kidding. I really wanna come up when I can. Natasha says Bucky crash landed at your guys' dock that sounds crazy."

"Yeah, it wasn't the best situation, but he's a little better now."

"Well I can't wait to see him. How is Tony moving the engine? Is that the solution, just pick it up and put it somewhere safe? I like it."

"We're just re-canniblizing Bucky's get-away ship."

"Oh, yeah. I would've thought Tony would do something more flashy."

"Well, we gave him until Tuesday to save us, but I think he has a lot of silly new things to do."

"Bucky rescued a baby Hydra kidnapped." Clint said.

Even worse than kidnapping, according to Natasha, they legally adopted and named him after one of the techs. "Demicheals."

"Oh?? He really had a baby? I thought he just knocked me out. You guys calling her Demi or something?"

"No..." Steve said. “No, uh—stop, I know—he, Bucky calls him Soldier. Wait." He said at the same time that Sam also said "Wait." And then he and Sam were both like, you go.

"Yeah, he dragged me into a closet sneaking around." Sam said. "Or probably following me. That's really all there is to the story."

"Oh. Yeah, are you doing alright?"

"Oh, I'm alright. I gotta go, though."

"Oh, well I guess we'll let you go. We'll call you. Bye."

"Byeee."

"Bye!"

"Bye."

"You got the baby?" Clint said.

"Yeah, they wouldn't let me board my own ship." He was being pretty good, maybe he likes to be cradled and read to.

"What's Bucky feeding him?"

"Um."

"Did you guys try to clean him off or anything yet? Besides his butt?"

"W..."

"How old is he."

"3." Steve said confidently.

"Oh, yeah, the file. Well, he's definitely not 3."

"He's 95." Natasha said.

"Very funny."

* * *

Tony wandered into the mess, and Steve shooed at Soldier who started swinging his arms around. Tony was red cheeked and shiny, sweat on his hairline. Bucky was behind him. Give me a second. His hair was sticky too, but he looked grim while Tony looked proud. He just looked tired. He was like a Doberman following a Setter. His tank top clung to him and he'd pulled his hair back so his jaw and chin were visible, and only the front part was up, but it was cast in front of his face like he was hiding behind an octopus.

"No AC." Tony explained. "We're on lunchbreak."

Bucky went to scoop Soldier up and loom behind Steve, going so far as to step on Steve's foot and rub his chin on Steve's head. Natasha and Clint staring did nothing to stop him. Of course the winter soldier would want to rub his stupid chin on Steve's head even though they were not only the same height but not teenaged boys. 

"He's into that." Tony said. 

"Is he?" Steve said. Oh God.

"Ha, your face. No, he does cheeks too but he's shy about it." 

Steve pushed his head back to look at Bucky. Bucky's face didn't give anything away when he looked down at him. "How's Soldier." He said.

"I think he's pretty good."

Bucky took him back up the hall.

Steve looked at Clint, who said, "Let him, he's being a papa-bear." 

It sucks that now Steve has someone to actually answer too.

"You alright working with him?" Steve said to Tony.

"Yeah. I guess." He said, casting his eyes down the hall after Bucky. "He's really weird. At first I thought he was making fun of me..."

"I think he likes you."

"Yeah, sure, he's alright. Why do I have to be the one to socialize him, though."

"Socialize." Steve scowled, and then said, "Well you talk a lot, and he doesn't like talking. Why, are you willing to let me in the alpha-beta zone?"

"You're jealous. I'm cool and interesting, and I don't go around telling him to eat apples and lose weight and stop asking for pain medicine and bend over and start chemo. I'm just being delightful and charming and letting him tell me nooo we have to have the pressure before the environment. We have to have little lightbulbs that go ding-ding-ding! every time we make progress together."

"Oh, I just let him tell me what to do, huh?"

"Yeah... Oh by the way I'm hungry but I don't know what I want." Tony batted his eyes.

"Alright. Hey, do you guys want a chicken pinapple salad sandwich?"

"Extra barbaque, please." Clint said.

"Sure, thanks." Natasha said.

* * *

Bucky came back, sat on Steve's lap, and took his sandwich out of his hand and shoved the whole thing in his mouth. "I don't get it." He said. 

"Hey, now I'm gonna get scurvy. Get what?" 

Bucky busied himself with Soldier. 

"I'll buy you dinner sometime." Tony glanced at Steve and left. He better... 

Bucky pulled a bottle out of his pocket. "Hungry?" He said outloud to his baby, who was. Pretty soon he would have to be eating baby food and cartoonishly be impossible to feed and Bucky would be spotless and Steve would be smudged with green and orange. Actually, they did have some marmelade here... 

Bucky tossed his head back into Steve's face. 

"Ow. Why." Steve said. 

"You like me." Bucky said. 

"Yeah. Is that really reason to headbutt me?" 

"No, nother thing." 

"What thing?" 

"Nothing." 

"Can I touch your hair?" 

"It's gross." Bucky warned. "Go." 

"Alright." Steve murmured, and pulled some of it out of Bucky's face and off his forehead and temples. "Are you guys trying to fix environment or just singleminded on engine?" 

"We had to fix the environment first. To pressurize it. We got it." Bucky said. "Clint, you want to burp him?" 

"It's not my favorite, but sure." 

Bucky carefully passed Soldier over like they were fighting gravity, and Clint held him high enough for him to have full access to his hair. Soldier seemed disappointed it wasn't long. 

"Do we need to burp in space?" Steve said.

* * *

Bucky grabbed Steve and made a beeline for the supply closet in the observation deck. Steve had never been locked in here because he was a good boy. Bucky herded him in and backed him against an upright vacuum cleaner clipped to the wall by its neck. Steve was like, no, this is probably a bazooka, why did I say vacuum? and reached back and felt the bag, and the wheel, and the hose-thingie you use for cobwebs. Funny that a broom and a vacuum do ALL the same things, but what is a normal vacuum doing in space? 

Bucky grunted in frustration. Maybe he had meant for them to be in the closet with the bazooka. It was impressive that he'd known where this one was without just scanning the hallway for panels and handles. 

Woah wait a minute, what were Bucky and Steve doing in a closet together? Again, not teenagers. 

Bucky guided Steve's shoulders down, and Steve's head rested against the curve of the vacuum and he had a foot against the door. And Bucky was in his lap. 

"I know you're a person." He said, setting his hand back on Steve's shoulder. 

"Thanks, Buck." 

Bucky rubbed their cheeks together but he had Steve pinned against the vacuum so he couldn't really reciprocate. It was weird, but the thought of Bucky smelling like Steve was sweet. "Hey, hey, relax." Steve said, reaching to cup Bucky's jaw. Bucky ignored him until he actually pushed, and he backed off a little and kneaded Steve's shoulder. 

"Hey." Steve said. 

"Hey." Bucky sighed. Steve grabbed his elbow and Bucky glanced at his hand. 

"Why don't you like talking?" 

Bucky gave him a miserable look. "I can't understand people in storage closets." 

"Bucky." Steve grumbled. "Shit, sorry. Uh..." 

Bucky hummed. 

"Sorry. Bucky, Bucky. Bucky, Bucky, Bucky. Bucky." Steve said, and Bucky whined and pushed against him. Steve hugged him and he whimpered again. They held each other. Bucky still smelled all sweaty, there were traces of a scent that was very familiar to Steve. He rubbed up and down Bucky's back, Bucky rubbing his face on Steve's shoulder. 

"This is weird." Bucky realized, pulling back, and Steve let him go. "I did used to like you. That's weird that even people I used to know..." Bucky's brow came down. 

"Yeah you did, I think. We met as kids once, but you probably..." 

"Were real people. I don't know about this. I don't like that." 

"What?" 

"That if ev, no, that if I went, no, I knew people, right?" 

"Of course. You knew more people than me." 

His mind turned futiley for a moment, and he looked a smidgeon hopeful. "Earth is still there, right?" 

"Yeah, Earth still there." 

Bucky pursed his lips. 

"Yes. Yes." Steve said. Just like writing letters. 

Bucky rubbed his face. "Ew." 

Steve smiled. "Want a cool wash cloth?" 

Bucky was like, no I just want to sit in your lap. He rested his head on Steve's chest. Steve petted Bucky's hair like he could get it to fall normally and Bucky hummed. 

"Mr. Stark wants to know if you two are done with lunch." JARVIS asked. 

"Bucky." Steve murmured. "Are you done cuddling?" 

Bucky looked at him, and then rubbed at his cheek, but his movement was jerky like it hurt his neck. Steve stayed still for him, and he went to town. There's people with no scent, but they still like to rub cheeks without having to hold someone down first, even when they don't have a substitute scent and are just itching that scratch, together. Bucky nosed Steve's jaw and kissed him there, and Steve decided he better put his foot down before the Winter Soldier discovered kissing before getting another blood test to screen for whatever was turning him into a tomcat.

* * *

"Oh, there he is." Bucky said. "Hi, Soldier." 

Tony had him, sitting on a table with him against his arm. Pretty cute. Everybody loves an alpha with a kid. 

"You two good?" Tony said. 

"Fine." 

"Just fine?" 

"No, we're fine." Bucky insisted, heading for the exit and down the hall. 

Steve looked at Tony. 

"JARVIS tells me he found you two doing seven minutes in heaven in the brig." Tony said when he felt Steve's eyes, and then when he saw Steve's face, I guess, he said, "Did you??" 

"He's clingy." 

"Clingy?" Tony was like, I got a sign for you, weirdo, it's air quotes. 

"Yes." 

"Alright, well, I'll let you know if he turns into a drier-sheet." 

"Okay, be that way." Steve kissed him. 

"Cooties." 

"Stupid." 

Bucky peaked at them. He seemed annoyed he and Tony weren't in the ship already. "I need more hands." 

"Give me a sec. How many?" Tony told him. 

"Two." Bucky said, and smiled. "I only have the one." 

Tony grinned and Steve offered a smile. 

"I'm not clingy. I'm focused on the task at hand." Bucky said. "I can hear you." 

"He can hear you, Steve." Tony said.

"You can be clingy." Steve reassured. "You..." 

"I see everything." Bucky signed fast. 

"Oh." Steve said. 

"Adfjkj." Tony tried to get Soldier to say, folding his little hand and then almost letting him launchpad off his arm. He didn't learn anything from Bucky and Steve's earlier tussle of errors. 

"He's right there, obviously. It's stupid to miss people who are right in front of you." 

"Come on, Yoda." Tony passed the child back to Steve. 


	7. Dinner Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys are having a screaming match about Soldier while holding him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I already used my one Lemon Demon reference in-text but have you considered [Man-Made Object (3:41)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X1kitEhFoGU)? Hey guys "Iron My Life" get it?  
> Also I made this for this chapter and the last chapter.  
> 

Steve stared at Soldier's face for a while. "Hey Jarvis, can you print out blank paper?"

"Of course, captain."

Steve took Soldier to the bridge, where a few accordion sheets of blank fax paper was hanging out of the printer for him. Soldier watched him tear all the perforations off the cheap paper so the edges would be fuzzy and less liable to give papercuts. He folded a paper airplane and gave it to Soldier, who stared at him for a moment before undoing one of the wings, accidentally crinkling up the paper in his fist and then getting preoccupied with the new lines he'd made.

Is this playing? No it was simply a systematic deconstruction of a paper airplane and an investigation into either the physical properties of paper or an exercise of physical expression. Soldier kept crinkling. He jabbed Steve's chest with the nose of the plane a couple of times, Steve stopped him from jabbing himself, and then the other wing was in Soldier's mouth.

"Mm, no, sorry, try again little guy." Steve felt bad for taking it away, though, so he asked JARVIS for more paper, and made a cootie-catcher, which took about a year in baby time, but it was fun using it like a hand-puppet of a chicken or dinosaur and play-biting Soldier with it, and letting Soldier pet and hit it. Soldier got bored, which was crazy because didn't kids have big imaginations, and fell asleep, which was crazy because finally! Soldier fell asleep! He wouldn't be fighting Steve all the time.

Soldier sneezed, which is a fucked up thing to do in a simulated atmosphere. "Bless you." Steve looked at his face to see if he had any snot that needed wiping. This better not be Bucky's futile dreams of freedom, this better be real, because as dark as Soldier's backstory is, Steve sort of never ever thought he'd, you know, get to take care of a baby. Solder whacked Steve's nose, so they returned their attention to the paper, except now Soldier wasn't satisfied with paper and wanted to take a walk.

Steve got it in his head to make real dinner in case this was their last night of being sardines. He'd have to get his foot in that door or people would come in, make toast, and leave. He crept down to the mess kitchen.

"Jarvis, can you ask if I'm allowed to, uh, give Soldier milk?"

"I'm actually not on that ship, I don't think they can hear me."

"Oh really? They're just in there with no help?"

"I believe they have a pilot who is offline."

Steve sighed, and Soldier kept fidgetting. 

"I'm sorry, Captain." 

"Thanks, I. Um, hey, is there still live alligator in basement?"

"Well, I can pick up life signs down there." JARVIS sounded surprised. "I would advise using Occam's Razor, though." JARVIS had only been on this ship as long as Tony had.

"Oh no, I did open a crate down there, and inside it was an alligator. I'm half glad it's still doing alright." Steve said. "Are you bored?" Steve unhooked the can opener before Soldier could distract him into cutting either of them on the tin. "You don't like adults talking about alligators, they have to be talking about you? Is there anything for babies in the kitchen? Just milk. Maybe." He gave Soldier a piece of rubber--aka bologna--and Soldier smacked him with it and then got mesmerized by the texture on it. Steve got back to his can.

"Hey there he is. Making more weird food. Oh Jesus, Steve." Tony said, coming over and seeing the cranberry sauce. He gave Steve a kiss anyways, and Soldier whapped his shoulder with the bologna. Tony looked at it like it was real, slimy bologna and then laughed.

"Do you think you can get this out in one piece?"

"What."

"I think it's nice when it's slices. With your brain."

"Mm. Mmm-hmm." Tony gave the cranberry can a good serious look. 

"How's the ship."

"We're on dinner break. You should probably give Barnes a curfew, that's good for his brain, isn't it?" Tony said.

"I was asking earlier." Steve pointed out, but didn't want to fight. "How come Jarvis isn't in there."

"Firstly, he only fits on big old sparkly new ships. I keep trying to convince him on earth to be inside a truck. And he could drive around up and down the PCH or something and look at the sunrise and I can get emotional about how great he can see stars ever since I gave him a full-er spectrum space-suit. How come he's not in this story more. He needs more flaws so he can overcome them."

"I'm perfectly happy to stay right here just the way I am." JARVIS said.

"I know. I'm kidding."

"He's just normal. You know the first thing Bucky said to me on here was 'you ARE normal' I was talking about space-pills and sees me kiss Clint and says I'm normal."

"You slobbering on another omega in the presence of your childhood best friend?"

"No! A normal kiss!" Steve said, and Soldier wiggled along with him.

"A normal kiss or a normal kiss?"

Steve threw the empty milk box at him.

"Alright alright. You think anyone's ever gonna write the definitive _how to wake up one day and it's all over_ guide?" Tony folded the box closed and flicked it so it started rotating.

"No. I tried waking up one day when it was all over. It just started back up again."

"But not as bad, though, right?"

"Well, I still don't have a baritenor for my barbershop quartet. So, no, it's just the same." Soldier grabbed Steve's other arm, like he was gonna hang off it.

"Now, how exactly would that work." 

"You sing, and I'm just moving my mouth, and I got you to just sing to me."

"I want a second alpha in this pack." Tony tossed the box back to him.

"Ask Natasha." Steve made Soldier let him hold him normally. "Or Bucky."

Tony raised an eyebrow.

"He used to be good at impressing alphas. Who would write you a guide that you would actually listen to?" Steve volleyed the box back.

"Eh." Tony caught it. "Stuff's just coming up. With him. We, you know, had to talk about it. The dead mommy and daddy thing. But, when it's not my baggage, he does have his moments, impressing-wise."

"You guys are totally hogging the kitchen, you're just playing, let me in I'm hungry." Natasha said.

"Oh, Natasha. I'm making steamed vegetables and rice. And something else."

Tony spun the box again. " _And_ whipped cranberry sauce. I'm getting ice cream, that's the only thing I know how to make besides poached test-tube eggs."

"Don't--what do you want, Natasha? What would you like?"

"I would like a normal tomato." Natasha said, and then pouted, and Steve did too.

"Raw?"

"I'll tell you when we cross that bridge." Natasha said. "Don't hurry me." And she pulled some Italian seasoned croutons out of the pantry that's all they had on the ship besides pinapple-chicken and rice due to it being stuck in a star and old and having no gravity and artificial air and pressure. "We're all going to get fat." She said, and went back to the door. "Isn't it supposed to be turkey?"

Steve went in there with her. "Put that down." He had to pull a can out of Soldier's hand first thing.

"It's April." Tony said.

Steve stuck his head out. "And?"

"Incoming." Tony said, drifting left.

"What are you doing." Bucky flew over, and snatched Soldier. Natasha ducked out of the pantry. "What is that?"

"Diet coke?"

Bucky snatched that too. "What's this?"

"I don't know."

Soldier whipped around and hit Bucky and Steve with the bologna in one swipe.

"I fed him paper." Steve blurted.

"No you didn't." Bucky stepped out of the pantry. "You let him fucking sneeze. Can I have a slice of cranberry."

"Yyyymaybe. Here's what I was thinking." Tony started. Bucky took it, hit it against the counter, caught himself with the toe of his shoe, and slid over to one side. 

"For Soldier?" Natasha said.

"Yeah, he's old enough. I am aware he's missing some milestones. He's fine. Get a place to put it?"

"I was going to feed him marmalade." Steve mused, grabbing, well, a plate.

"That's fine. I believe that."

"Americans have hated marmalade since 1988." Natasha said.

"What about dear Paddington?"

"Paddington is literally Peruvian." She said.

"Paddington is Peruvian?" Tony said. "The bear?"

"Bears can have nationalities." Steve said.

"Bears aren't real." Tony said.

"Bears animals!" Steve said, and ignored that Bucky was about to cut in. "No, you don't get to be beta for him and yell at me because Soldier sneezed. Babies sneeze."

"I come in here and you're nunchucking him with a can-opener like hes' not upset." Bucky grabbed the counter and got in Steve's face, trying to herd him out of the kitchen. "He meant Paddington is a stuffed animal."

Steve let himself get sent out, and Natasha followed him pointedly. She frisbeed his plate to Tony. Bucky tapped the can on the counter. He caught himself with the side of his foot. Spinning, he threw the cranberry at Tony, and hit the can midway with a sloppy left hook. The entire cylinder of cranberry jolted forth and the top end stuck to the plate.

"Ooh. I'd let you beta for me when Steve's cranky." Tony said.

"He's not cranky."

"I'm not cranky," They said it at almost the same time.

"Then what are you." Natasha said.

"Too many things are happening."

"What did you start making?" Tony jumped on the counter like a baseball player or a stripper.

"Vegetables and milk. Milk first."


	8. Free Knife Details Inside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They discuss getting shot at over dinner, Bucky flirts with Clint while they play cards, Steve and Tony sneak off and talk about space sex and boners, and then they walk in on Bruce and Natasha and turn it into a foursome.  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much to warn for besides gambling and that the discussion is about Soldier getting shot at. And sex.

Dinner was interesting. Bucky was back to picking fights with Tony to rile him up, and that was kind of fun to watch because now Tony could chase dumber topics for longer because he and Bucky had sweated all over each other and formed a bond, and it wasn't the middle of the night. Or maybe it was, and they'd all convinced each other that it wasn't. 

Anyway, when Steve apologized for snapping at Bucky, he said, "Whatever. I talk fast too. Plus I've done worse to Soldier than trick him into sleeping."

And Tony immediately jumped on that, "Don't people ever shoot at your baby?" And Bucky told a couple of assassination stories, somehow he was characterizing Soldier like he was just a good fighter and they were in tune with each other, so whenever the unhittable Bucky took a hit it was because Soldier was in an impossible spot and Bucky was covering him.

Soldier himself wasn't sure if he liked real food, definitely hated fake milk. Bucky sneaked him a piece of carrot, and Soldier put it in his mouth and then after a deliberation, he gave it back to Bucky. Bucky ate it and made a funny face at him. And that's how Steve knew they would turn out okay.

"Let's play cards." Tony smacked the table after dinner. "I only have one deck, though."

"Do you even have your wallet?" Bucky said. "Is that how guys like you do it?"

"Yeah, actually, it's in my phone and it's called SmartPay." Tony said.

"I'm not playing cards for free."

"What do you have? Hydra gave you a per diem to shoot Cap?"

"I have... a knife. Steve, give me back my knife."

"Don't jinx yourself. I'll just keep it, if you lose." Steve said. "I've got decent knife in my uniform."

So the pot was one phone, five knives, and a Swiss Army knife. Boy would it be nifty to win an Asgardian knife in cards.

Clint won the first round, and when they started using IOUs and cash he kept winning. Until...

"That's how I do it too, hitting straight. Luck." Bucky said, pausing to shuffle. "You ever shoot with a beta nocking for you?"

"Come ask for your knife back and I'll tell you."

"You come ask for your knife back."

* * *

"Do you ever relax? What are you doing?" Tony said.

"I'm just getting them ready." Steve said. "It shouldn't just sit."

"There aren't dishes in space." Tony took one of them and tossed it at the inside of the sink, and threw an arm around Steve's waist and whisked him away.

"So romantic."

"Way more romantic than actually getting your shirt wet." Tony said, and nibbled on Steve's ear, and yeah that was an excuse to lick in it. Steve shoved him.

"Uh." Steve said. "So space sex. Pretty cool, huh, plenty of options."

"Boo! I think that I bring something to the table."

"Yeah sure, so that's you screwing me, you fingering me, or you sucking me off." Sometimes it's nice to be talking to an alpha, because strictly speaking you don't have to say any of that stuff out loud.

"What, you want to peg me or something?"

"I'll use my own dick for that." Did I mention in space your blood-pressure is... bad.

"Suit yourself, I think it'd be pretty cool." And did I mention Tony's trans so he has a closet full of dicks? That work in space?

"You're the worst. What do you even need another person for?"

"You know the guys who say they read the articles in playboy? I like conversation."

"I'm always gonna be offering that one rib surgery."

"Yeah, totally, almost more of my chest to lose."

* * *

Alphas will say, "I know a place," And take you around the corner down a hall with a weird bottleneck. Great spot to get pushed up against the wall. Natasha and Bruce were there at the moment, sitting on top of each other like LEGOs in the gap, Bruce trying to make 'couldn't get my jumpsuit on fast enough' look like the new fad in their snared pack.

"Yeah, I like this place too." Steve smirked. Natasha waved at them.

"Oh yeah, you omegas were actually on one of these." Tony mused.

"Yes."

"Are you two okay?" Natasha cocked her head.

"We're just stressed is all." Tony said.

"Do you need to unwind?" Natasha teased.

"Maybe."

"It might be easier in the nest." Bruce said.

"Or Steve's quarters."

"Oh, is that our new place?" Steve laughed.

"Yeah." Natasha smiled and Steve had to kiss her.

"How far did Bruce get?" Tony put a hand on Natasha's waist and pressed his forehead against hers and then kissed her, sucking on her bottom lip and playing with her zipper where it lay low on her chest.

"Come on beta." Steve took Bruce's hand like he needed help up, like there was an up, and Bruce wrapped him in his arms like they were dancing. Steve laughed and kissed him too, and admittedly kissed him again, and, God, he could taste Natasha on his tongue.

* * *

"Oh, I like what you did with the place." Steve said, collecting all the guns and food wrappers floating around and shoving them in a drawer.

"Thanks, I know you have eye of newt and sacrum of goat in your lab, I didn't want to dig through your quarters for an empty locker for these. I might never get invited back for a sleep over." Natasha said.

"What of what?" Tony said.

"I will keep inviting you, but I coulda sworn we had spot for this stuff." Steve said.

"Harpoon closet." Natasha said.

"Yeah." Steve said.

"I've been busy."

* * *

Bruce untied Steve's jumpsuit sleeves from around his hips like he was a present, and Steve pulled Bruce's off his shoulders and they ended up wrinkled up in the middle of the room with Tony and Natasha's. Wrapping a leg around Bruce's back, Steve ground their hips together clumsily and sucked on his neck. Natasha moaned.

Tony was eating her out in some silly astronaut position. Steve pulled Bruce's boxers down and settled between his legs. He kissed the pink head of Bruce's dick, Bruce put his hand through Steve's dumb hair, Steve licked up the length of Bruce, making him shiver, and wrapped his lips around him, all the way to the base, making him hiss. Steve sucked and ran his tongue along him, trying to coax his body into reacting more strongly despite being out of place in a small warm oxygenated room. All Steve was getting was Bruce's hot, ruddy excitment, his scent.

Tony got head start with Natasha if you don't count the part in the middle where she and Bruce were totally acting natural in the bottleneck, but whatever, it's the thought that counts. She was leaning back, running her hand along Tony's ribs.

She pulled Steve's boyshorts down, and Steve ignored her for a moment. Maybe the thought only counts if your not narrowed down to the taste of your beta.

"Relax, my love." Natasha said, voice extra rough and hitched, and Bruce whimpered when Steve hummed.

Natasha ran a warm finger around Steve's rim and he almost dropped Bruce's dick. He closed his mouth back around Bruce and slid him past his lips slowly. He went back to giving him careful attention, and Natasha gave Steve a knuckle. He groaned, and Bruce's fingers flexed against his head. Natasha slipped the rest of her finger in, thrusting a couple of times. 

Fidgeting, Steve pushed back against her and curled his toes. Natasha got louder, moaning and gasping at Tony's ministrations. She worked Steve with two fingers, in and out, and Steve worked over Bruce, sucking messily, more than a little distracted.

"I'm--Steve," Bruce groaned, and Steve swallowed what he gave him greedily, kept sucking until Bruce pushed his forehead. Steve put his cheek against Bruce's stomach, looking up at him. Bruce was flushed, giving him a lazy smile and thumbing his cheek.

"I won." Natasha said, poking Tony, who let go of her thighs and laid against her chest, looking up at her with soft eyes. She smirked at him and scratched him under the chin.

"Were we competing?" Bruce mumbled, and Steve smiled against him, and then made a gutted, helpless noise when Natasha curled her fingers, hitting a spot that zinged fire all the way through him.

"What did I tell you." Tony said, petting Steve's inner thigh.

"Fuck me--ohh." Steve whined.

"Is that what you want?" Natasha kept pushing into him.

"Step aside, my dear." Tony rolled off her, bumper-car-ing his hip against Bruce's knee, and then kicking Bruce and elbowing Natasha. "Fuck." He said, and Steve and Bruce laughed. He twisted around and grabbed Steve's hip to pull himself up. 

Steve let go of Natasha and she went to replace Tony in Bruce's lap.

"Are you good, alpha?"

"Yeah, yeah, are you two okay?"

"There's not much weight behind an accidental kick." Bruce said.

"Here, let me--"

"Yeah, scootch over, I got you." Tony said.

"Mmm, perfect."

"Aren't you sweet."

"Well, you got me."

"Sure do." Tony pushed against him.

Steve groaned as Tony slid in, filling him actually up. When he moved, it was slowly. And it wasn't enough, so Steve growled, and Tony bent to suck on his neck.

"He's, yeah." Bruce said at the same time that Tony gave him exactly what he wanted and he gasped.

"I know." Tony said.

"Yeah." Steve panted.

"Mmn, Natasha, oh." Bruce gasped.


	9. Muppet Cartoon Violence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky scowled. "You can't have both. I'm negotiating right now."  
> "What do you want me to do?" Steve stupidly offered.  
> "I just need you to trust me."
> 
> It's sleepy time, bro, it's nighty-night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate my draft which had this chapter twice... but not exactly the same! Director's cut.

Cuddle and almost fall asleep, get cleaned up, go find Bucky. Go find Bucky. Go find him. Go... find him! Go fin"Oh my God. Buck, get out of there."

Bucky lifted his head to peer at him from inside one of the cryopods on the foyer-dock.

"We're not gonna freeze you all the time. That's bad for you." Steve made his voice more calm because Bucky was looking at him like he still had mismatched eyes. "I can give you sleeping medicine, but you should get some REM. You don't have to sleep in the nest if you don't want to. Where's Soldier?"

"Okay."

"You really want us to freeze you overnight?" Steve gave in.

"I get it. I'll sleep." Bucky fled the scene.

Steve did lose him, but headed for the mess and found Thor and Tony with Bucky and Soldier.

Thor was laughing, and Soldier was idoly hitting Bucky's face, little neck craning to watch the other two. Crazy that Soldier didn't need to worry about supporting his head like all the babies on Earth. "Go." Thor said, and Tony stage-slapped him, holding Thor's face with one hand and hitting the meat of his hand with his other, and Thor threw his head to one side. Soldier kicked his feet and kept hitting Bucky.

"We're teaching him how to clap his hands." Bucky said. "He gets the hands part, but he doesn't make the sound, even when there's a good reason to."

"Audience expects to hear it."

"Why can't you take this seriously?" Steve complained to Tony.

"Why are you mad at _me_."

"Fine, sorry."

"I can't be serious with a baby, look at me." Bucky said.

"You look... You just look like a guy--"

"If I feed you, you have to promise to sleep on your own." Bucky ignored Steve and bargained with the baby, who didn't look at his face for more than a second before turning to Thor.

"Heya." Thor said.

"Steve." Bucky had a bottle out.

"Yeah." Steve said.

"I'm not good at negotiating with babies." Bucky just gave Steve a bottle.

"Uh." Steve said, and went to make more milk.

"I think they clap in Seasame Street." Tony said.

Thor and Bucky were like, well what's that?

* * *

"Buck, you want another blood test before bed?"

"You didn't listen to me at dinner."

Idiotically diplomatic, Steve, as he pulled Bucky gently along by the hand, said, "What did you say?"

Bucky grinned, looking down. "Just testing you. It's me or the breaurocracy. I'm going to have to annoy it out of you. Personally."

"I'm on your--"

"Or scare you."

"What hav--"

"You're not listening."

Steve shut his mouth.

"Neither of us is getting what we want if you don't help me."

"What?" Steve begged.

"Shh."

Bucky stared at him, right at him, but impossibly graciously let his gaze wander a little.

"We fought together and wrote letters." Bucky presents the facts.

"I have some! Even to your sisters from during the war I can get them and you can read them and remember. Your sisters, Buck."

"Like a litter?"

"Yeah. You had sisters and parents."

Bucky chewed on that. "What about you?"

"Just a mother."

"Hmm."

"She was friends with yours."

"Not--okay."

"Sorry."

"Don't worry. Am I normal or worse?" Bucky said. They'd gotten to Steve's office, but Steve was hanging them back in the hall.

"I'm not trying to make you better, I'm trying to make you well."

"And??"

"Just whatever makes you feel comfortable."

"Better."

"No."

"I'm comfortable." Bucky said, and then took a breath. "I don't need to be comfortable. I don't care. I don't want to be comfortable. I'm always comfortable. I don't want to be comfortable." He squared his shoulders. At Steve.

"Oh." Steve said. "I don't..."

"Why are we here? Go." Bucky elbowed Steve into his office. "Get in there and take my blood."

"What do you mean, always comfortable? You don't sound comfortable." Steve said, and when Bucky followed him in, he did some wide hand-gesture, and Bucky held Soldier out, so Steve cradled him.

"I said it doesn't matter."

"Is--did--how's your back."

"It's fine, it doesn't matter as long as I'm not at attention. Nobody here cares if I'm paying attention. You do, but Tony doesn't, he doesn't even listen to his own self talking."

"Alright, well he listens to me. I'm gonna tell him you said that." Steve let him lighten things a little. 

"You better. I'm not sitting. Sitting is stupid, I'll feel like a flamingo on a bicycle."

"That's fine, that's fine. If Bruce is available, did you want him?"

"I'm getting used to you." Bucky said, taking back Soldier like Steve couldn't wipe his arm with one hand.

* * *

Bucky went back to glaring at him while they waited for the centrifuge to stop spinning. Steve let him, glancing his way between pretending to ignore him. Soldier was playing with Bucky's hand--his arm kept rearranging itself.

* * *

"Looks better. You're doing better. Where do you want to sleep?"

"With Bruce."

Steve smiled on accident. "Let's see if we can find him."

* * *

"You guys all can't fit in these quarters." Steve said stupidly, in his quarters with Bucky at his shoulder. "Why are four of you here, go to the nest."

"We can fit." Natasha said.

"Not to sleep all night." Steve said. "Bruce, Bucky misses you."

"What?" Bruce looked at him.

"Hi." Bucky said.

"I forgot how to do sleeping arrangements with big packs." Steve mumbled.

"Oh, to sleep. What time is it?" Bruce said, and Natasha and Thor pouted at him. "I'll come up."

Steve accidently yawned in front of them like a kitten and Bucky led him back along the hall.

"You can go in cryo if you really want."

"I'll try and sleep."

"Okay." Steve rubbed his back between his shoulders on their way to the nest.

Well it was super dark tonight! Steve let Bucky lean against his hip with Soldier until the baby fell asleep, then wedge himself between Steve and Bruce with Soldier in his arms.

Steve's dreams were the classics: Bucky falling before Steve could catch him, magic turtle, Bucky captured by Nazis, Steve and Bucky and Peggy as cowboys, duck elves looking for a dragon, okay not all of these were classics but every time Soldier woke up, Steve did to.


	10. Insert Ass Aliens Joke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Medical experiments, unethical sex, and a meeting

Sneaking out of the nest early, Steve went to muck about in his office. Bucky followed him with Soldier, so Steve blew up a rubber glove into a turkey for Bucky and Soldier to play with.

* * *

"Jarvis, time?"

"7:54."

Bucky watched Steve fussing. "Hon." Bucky said.

"Whatever." Steve said. "Sorry Bucky I didn't mean that. I love you."

"Am I supposed to leave at 8, or is that when your easy bake oven spits something out for me?"

"You're the one who followed me here."

Bucky sipped his tea. "People think I like you."

Steve was like, I'm listening!

"I think I died and came back to life... But I was a soldier both times. Evil... and useless... and." Bucky mumbled. "Am I related to Soldier...?"

"Bucky, you have never been useless. Never. Or evil, but I think you know that now. I don't think you're related."

"Don't tell him that!" Bucky said, and Steve laughed and Soldier grinned at the attention. "Is it 8?"

"7:58." JARVIS said.

Bucky skated out. "I'm watching you."

"Jarvis, can you call Clint up here?"

"Clint to medical, please." 

Yes, Steve did happen to have a regular patient. Just because he got his degree outside of the U.S. doesn't mean he's such a bad doctor that no one comes to see him besides his best friend. All the fires he sets has given his lab an air of danger, but THAT is why he's only ever in it when he's feeling badly, does have work to do, or he was getting ready for a day of observing Clint. Usually it was already ready.

Clint was being given Demica to see if it would give him super-powers. Steve was the only person who could read the worst Russian Doctor cursive, so he had this project. It had poor results, had apparently been giving people lung problems. SHIELD had picked Clint for him for some irrational reason, and that was back when activated charcoal was very popular for making sci-fi injections look scary and gothic, and Clint let Steve indulge in that fad until Loki happened. They couldn't interrupt the medicines Clint had to ease his PTSD--Demica could beat anything as shown by it beating antitussives. Steve took over this office from someone else who had a stupid organizational system, and the only way to sensically fit the Demica in was sticking it with the saline solutions and then relabel everything. It's complicated but it makes sense to Steve.

Speaking of which, somebody's been borrowing one of the other saline bags, must be either the nutrient one or the hydration one.

"Sorry I'm late, I wasn't looking at the screen." Clint signed when Steve opened his door for him.

"That might be a good excuse if you were more than five minutes late. Your luke-warm coffee is cold." Steve signed back, ushering him in, and then washing his hands.

Steve had Clint sit on the counter, kneading his bicep for a moment before wiping him with alcohol and sticking him. After the injection, Clint was to lay down for a few minutes, which was basically the same as standing for a few minutes. Could it be space that was foiling Decima? Pooling lazily in Clint's veins rather than racing around.

"Do you have plans for after this?"

"Yeah, actually. I'm going to Cat Planet, I think that moon-stealing guy's there."

Steve shook his head. "That guy is so stupid. Good luck."

"We should just ask our alpha to copy him with cold planets, and trick him into walking into my sights."

"He would probably like having an excuse to be that extravagant." Steve said. "Good you're still doing stuff."

"Yeah. I'll get moon guy, he's not smart, he's impulsive. Evading-wise. I could say he doesn't understand how moons work, but, he knows by now."

"It would be romantic. If it wasn't real."

"Yeah, pretty sweet to give someone a moon."

Clint drank his coffee and swirled it around. "You know, I'm glad Demica wasn't a Hydra thing."

"I know right? God." Steve took a weird breath through his teeth.

"I was worried you were gonna get me in here to talk me through my last months to live."

"Well, you're obviously not exp--nobody is expendable, but we're in dangerous work. SHIELD wouldn't just let you--"

"Well, they sure didn't let the numbers get in their way."

"Numbers, chances." Steve said dismissively. "I can beat 'em for you."

Clint chuckled. "I'm still waiting to be able to fly."

"Me too. I don't think I get to choose exactly what it does to you. I'm just choosing super powers over pulmonary edema."

"You're failing at both, but I don't think that's a bad thing."

* * *

"Well, you are free to go. But, I'm offering AFIB tests as usual, and I found some metapropol." Steve said, like he was trying to sell Clint on more medicine he didn't need. "Or I could try again at getting that alien out of your ass."

Ass aliens, pretty common out here when it's just two guys who are teammates who are packmates. Like seriously what else were they gonna do. I guess just have normal sex.

"Hmm... Sure." Clint said. "Wait, what's the SHEILD out of pocket?"

"I can give it under the table for another date."

"I can swing that. You're a life-saver."

Steve didn't have stirrups, because that was just begging for someone to get pregnant in space. Clint just hooked a knee over Steve's shoulder and Steve held him steady.

Steve lubed up, and Clint scrunched his eyes and sighed, even though it wasn't that cool on the ship, when he circled his finger around Clint's hole.

"Deep breath."

"Whatever."

Steve took it slow, as if Clint were a nervous patient. Clint let his breath out once Steve was up to his knuckle. Steve brushed over Clint's spot and he hissed, so Steve did it again.

"Hmmmm... Hmmm." Steve grabbed Clint's dick with his other hand, giving it a squeeze and running his thumb over it, and Clint groaned. His breath was fast and rough.

"You're so good at--uhh--me."

Steve was juggling here. "I know you pretty well."

Clint made a desperate noise, and Steve worked him as he came all over the place, not just Steve's hand, lube and slick and now this. Get a dust buster.

* * *

"Did you hear Bucky wants to work at the circus?"

"What?"

"Yeah. I think he was kidding, but then I started thinking of him arm-wrestling people with a funny hat. Smiling. Letting kids win."

"Hmm, yeah. He could be good at acrobatics too. Holding people up. Is that too much like ballet, forget that. And the crowd."

"Yeah." Steve said. "I don't know what he's talking about some of the time."

"He's just getting used to us. He seems nice. Laid-back."

"Yeah. Are you ready for more rigourous testing?"

"Anything to get this ass alien out of my ass...!"

* * *

The comms clicked, "Folks, can I get you down to the mess. Pack to mess. Over."

* * *

Tony was standing over a table. "Firstly, I started the FIFTH pot of coffee, can we talk about that? How early do you people get up. Do we have potable water on this thing? I've been drinking coffee this whole time but you laughed at me during lunch yesterday." Tony pointed at Clint.

"Coffee at lunch. Rough night." He said.

"Uh-huh, that's it. Secondly, the ship will be ready by tomorrow. Well. The engine will be ready probably if we just have a second shift tonight and that's, yeah, might be a tad easier to sleep knowing we can't fall in to the sun. We can leave in the morning." Tony clapped. "I vote Earth."

"Earth."

"Earth."

"Asgard!"

"Just go there then, hon, we're fine."

"Mjeulnor is, yeahhh, sort of so-so." Natasha said on behalf of Thor, who just frowned.

"Even mjeulnor? Is it the star?" 

"We will continue this party on Earth after we drop Thor off, or party a little on Earth and THEN drop Thor off."

"I have to go to Cat Planet." Clint sighed.

"Why are _you_ going to Cat Planet." Bruce said.

"Trying to get moon guy. For real this time."

"Huh."

"Want to carpool?"

Bruce smiled.

"Now that's a cool guy." Tony said, and Steve and Clint looked at each other. "I owe Rhodey and Pepper a favor, though."

"Well that's great. I have to stay here." Natasha said. "I'm trying to figure out why I was supposed to be spying on this sun."

"Here." Steve changed his answer.

"No, you two can't stay on this ship, it sucks! It's so lopsided! What ship even is this! It's ugly." Tony said.

"It's just a SHIELD ship. Where was your ship when we needed it?"

"You wouldn't ask me that if we were on Earth."

"No, just let us barrow your tower for a minute we promise not to crash it. Tony's Moving Castle." Natasha said.

"Now we're talking. I'm Howl." Tony rumbled. "This ship is small. I mean it's great industrially."

"Really, I didn't think it was that bad, size-wise. I mean I've had worse." Steve said, facetious but with an earnest tone.

"No, you're just old and dumb. Maybe I will bring my moving castle over here. The SSSS, I mean," The USSS Stark, "Big, safe, normal, modern, high ceilings sure but only because I have gravity on my ship. And it looks cool from the outside for establishing shots. I'll get it here in time for mimosas."

Natasha smiled.

"Alright... Alright..." Bucky said, like Tony was holding back a better offer. The SSSSS. "Oh, Tony, people are texting me. I'm gonna answer."

"It's probably Pepper. Don't piss her off before you even meet her." Tony said. "Give me that."

"I won it fair and square. I'm gonna get a blue check mark. I'm gonna learn how to read." Bucky said.

"Yeah, if you won't read random nonsense letters on an eye chart, good luck with Twitter." Bruce said and Bucky snorted.

"You can read!" Steve said hysterically. He can read he just can't take tests so late at night with two--with two doctors looking at him he can read Twitter curled up around a beanbag chair with a fan and a chocolate shake. He can read if he _wants_ to and he just hasn't had the chance to but now he can be himself and he's safe and getting better and he's nice and he's going to speak more than three words to Steve and it's okay if he's Tony's best friend because it's better than the alternative.

Bruce poked him, so he took a deep breath and held his hand.

"Fuck yeah, Winter Soldier on Twitter, reach the people." Tony said. "Do not personally reach my people."

"I'm gonna send emojis to your omegas." Bucky said, already over it and making funny faces at Soldier. He was just so cute.

"JARVIS can you tell Pepper to mute me? And whoever else this monster is going to annoy. Or field them for him."

"Hasn't she muted you already?" Clint said.

"Hey no why would she mute me, I'm not THAT annoying. She's the boss of my company. I should mute her."

Tony's loyal audience nodded at him.

"Alright, whatever. Next order of business: if there's anything you want out of this ship, get it. Snacks, office supplies, god knows what."

"We should go to basement." Steve said.

"Ooh."

"I'll go." Natasha said.

"Clint? No?"

"Nope." Clint shook his head, and Bruce and Bucky came up on his tail.

Thor glanced at them. "Now I'm somewhat tantalized by this basement adventure."

"It's just boxes and freaky stuff." Natasha said.

"There was a hole in it." Clint said.

"Another hole? What the hell were you girls doing?" Tony said.

"Nothing." Steve grumbled. "It's fixed now. Can we focus, are we done?"

"No, I'm coming with you and Natasha." Tony laughed. "Also, is anyone allergic to synthesized gravity."

"Can humans be allergic to... gravity?" Steve said.

"Magic gravity?" Thor said.

"Magnets?" Bucky said. "I am not allergic to magnets."

"You are not allergic to magnets, good to know." Tony said. 

"Can humans be allergic to magnets!?" Steve said. 

"You're the doctor." Tony taunted Steve, then Bucky, "Steve's gonna drug you until you can't stand up. And you're gonna have to stand up, pangolin boy."

Bucky batted his eyes at Steve.

"Only if you need it. You've been off your feet. You can be tough guy if you want."


	11. Polyester, Formaldehyde, and a Lighter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They go to the basement and Steve breaks his nose. Violence.

Middle of the day wasn't life or death, but now Steve was slightly more responsible with Soldier. "Are you tired?" And so on. Well he wasn't tired. Steve actually got a couple of headshakes out of him for his trouble, and that made him smile. 

Soldier would not stop fussing. He did not care about the history of food. He was bored of going up and down the hall. He just wanted to climb Steve and jump off him, and Steve would have to grab him before he could get mad at Steve for dropping him. 

Steve caught Tony pacing in the airlock to tell JARVIS to rev the Hephaestus, and then running back to rev the Commandiblized and compare how they purred. "Where's Bucky?"

"I sent him to help Natasha, he was bumming me out."

"Like how?"

"I dunno, he didn't want to do stuff unless I was watching him. I can forgive slacking off because this is the boring day, but, he keeps making me do stuff for him. Like, I'd still be running around. So I made him go slack off."

Steve found him ranting about Alvin and the Chipmunks to Bruce, and tried to figure out what it was about, but Bucky kept hounding him to do something else with the baby. Steve took him to the observatory and he got his little hand-prints all over the observation glass.

* * *

"It's on a cool down, basement gang are you ready for this?" Tony said. 

"Uh... Yeah. Natasha, you want to grab the harpoon?"

"Gotcha."

"The..." Tony said.

"We've got you, alpha."

Tony muttered to himself.

So, they went to the basement. Now Steve was a smart guy and he wasn't superstitious so he didn't believe in ghosts generally. And he'd been in the basement before, when Natasha was here.

"His eyes are still weird. Bucky. His eyes are like dead fish." Tony said, shuffling quickly through the boxes and crates like they were rugs at a store except he was moving and they weren't. Or else this would turn into Frogger 3D. Yes, Steve was putting more gravity-rules down--no throwing boxes and crates around like an ant.

"I mean, he just looks cartoonishly haunted all the time. That's okay, that's how he's coping."

"Alright, weirdo. You're just afraid to look at him too long."

Steve looked at his thighs and Natasha laughed. "Well I don't want to scare him."

"Uh-huh." Tony said. "You do look scary."

"Thanks."

"Now what's this big old AI-shaped trailer taking up the whole middle of the room? Wish you would have told me about this, grandma." Tony said.

Steve shrugged stiffly. "I brought you down here."

"What?" Tony accused, flipping and sliding down the side of the crate, catching himself on his knees like he was doing crunches on a door. "What's wrong with this one?" He said, upsidedown.

"Well I don't know how to install an AI, but I'm not exactly excited to have a SHEILD employee that's been sleeping for 3 years. He might, uh, evil."

"They tell you how to install them. Not everybody has a mac daddy on board. You could have tried to feel them out a little." Tony suggested, jack-knifing to one end. "See?" He said, and Steve wandered over to look at the little screen and console. "Give me your authentication."

Steve rattled off a bunch of old codes. I say rattled because Tony kept asking for more and I say old because none of them worked.

"Hmm, have to hack in." Tony muttered to himself. He really did have a laundry list of silly projects and Bucky was probably going to come demanding a wind up frog for Soldier as soon as the baby got bored of playing and tumbling around with gravity.

"What if it takes over wherever you put it at? The ship."

"If I put 'em on the SSSS, the worst that could happen is they start yelling funny Russian words at Bucky, and then, and then," Tony said, trying to throw a boogey-board out of his way between some other boxes. The alligator snuck up and bit the board into three pieces.

"Jesus Christ." Tony observed. "Jesus that thing is huge. Fuck." He went back to the lee of the AI.

"Yeah."

"What was I saying? Then they'll silver-tongue me into taking the ship off manual. I would put the ship on manual, or at least an actual dummy. Can't trick a dummy. Put them on Earth and they take over all the computers--I'm kidding, I'm kidding."

"I doubt it would shake out exactly that way, for Bucky." Natasha said. "But we should do something with him."

"Bucky?" Steve said.

"Yeah, if we open that and it's Hydra." Natasha said, staring at him.

"I don't want a Hydra AI." Steve whined, looking at the alligator's empty box.

"Well I do." Tony said. "I could--mm. Just really get in their head and fuck around in there until they just aren't evil anymore." 

Steve grimaced. 

"I could talk someone out of being evil. I'll store them. I'll get on in there and talk to them, not tricks. I'll just code my way in, instead of hooking them up to something. I'll make Bucky do it. He's great with people for being some kind of mindless killer."

"That's Soldier."

"Natasha." Steve scolded.

"Woah, maybe Soldier--like in cartoons where the big monster sees its baby and calms down--but the opposite." Tony said a bunch of words.

"Yeah, obviously if you threatened to harm a child, that's duress to follow an order. I'm gonna get sick."

"The AI might just be a normal person." Natasha suddenly said. "I like to imagine pilots wearing little stewardess uniforms, from when airplanes were fun for people. Or one of those big duck-bill captain hats. Even JARVIS."

"Hm. I mean, I doubt anybody wrote a full personality to pilot this, they probably just found some AI off the street. I mean, you can't just make an evil AI, right, you just have an evil job and find a good fit--not that best fit, again--but there's probably other jobs that they could fit with. A trash compactor, an accountant, a firefighter, trick pilot."

"Firefighters are evil?" Steve said.

"Yes, _that_ is the point I was trying to make." Tony droned.

"Alright, whatever. Thanks." Steve said, climbing over the AI to keep searching for a certain box, the box of old Bucky letters that wound up on this ship for Steve to cry about, but it was more systematic than spatial, because the crates seemed shuffled around, added, and removed. I guess repairing a hole in space will inspire the inner interior designer of a person, but they better be _somewhere_.

"Oh, yeah, did you guys want to, uh, euthanize it?" Tony hopped up to the tops of the boxes and started doing parkour, delicate as a weightless alpha who just said euthanize instead of shoot.

"Exactly, I don't want to kill it."

"It's kind of cute." Tony mused, looking over his shoulder.

"That's what they all say." Natasha said.

"Hey, does that box say Uriel Rogers?" Tony flung himself down into the maze of crates.

"Jarvis, tell Tony to say that to my face." Steve smiled.

"Whatever." Tony spin-kicked over. "Yulius. Yulius Tsar. Ah is me Yulius is becose my birthday isss dee Fourf ov Guly. Anchowies."

"Where did my third syllable go." Steve pouted sweetly. Actually fuck it, Tony's cute and stupid he can call Steve Yulius if he absolutely has to.

"Yulasi." Tony got tangled up. "Ullyseus? Ullyseus S. Rodgers is a way more nerdy name than Steeb."

Steve shrugged.

"What's Bucky's name." Tony said.

"James, I think."

"Oh." Tony said, hissing and trying to flip off a box that wasn't bolted down. The alligator slunk toward him as he scrambled. Steve was like, I know what to do, and shot forward, got cracked in the head by a baseball bat, and ended up against the trailer on the other side of the room, with Tony's hands around his wrist.

"Fuck. Christ." Tony straddled Steve like a guy riding a mad griffin, flipped his jumpsuit off his arms and shucked his tank-top and tried to smother him I'm pretty sure. Steve's head was like those balloons with the rubber bands that you punch. He put his hands over Tony's, slowly. He had an after image of Tony burnt into his balloon-skull. Tony hissed and moved his hands and shirt so Steve could breath through his mouth.

Oh the alligator just broke Steve's nose with her tail.

"Knocked over in one hit, ugh so lame." Steve moved his hands around with most of his face covered.

"You're fucking fine."

"Did you know to wrestle alligator you straddle it around its back with your feet on its hips and knees on its armpits. Can I do my nose question mark." Steve said.

Tony chuckled and let Steve go. Steve curled up in a ball and waited for his nose to stop bleeding, eschewing Tony's shirt in favor of just pinching it, and Tony rubbed his back. He could maybe reset his poor nose sometime. Or just wait until it gets broken again and set it twice.

Tony stuck his tongue out at him, and then said, "You good? Besides, you know." when Steve wasn't appropriately charmed.

"Yeah."

"Here," Natasha'd found a med-kit.

"Thanks."

"Is the field trip canceled." Tony said.

Steve offered Tony his elbow, so Tony dragged him back the other direction. Steve let his nose go slowly and gently. "No, I'm just great." He said when he didn't see blood climbing out.

"Resiliency. Here's your box, ta-da."

"Hm." A warm wooden box. "Thanks."

"You smell weird. I've been meaning to tell you that."

"I'm just not sure of what's inside it. Well, it's not that big." Steve's vision was clearing, and he looked at it just said Dr. Ulysseus S. Rogers. I mean, doctor, that's nice, right? That's good. Doctor. Little box... of doctor supplies?

"Scared of box, Rogers?" Natasha said.

"No." Steve pulled his trusty crowbar out of his jumpsuit, and broke the plank that nailed it shut. Whoof, yeah, it would have been nicer to crow it off. "Oops. Pbfbtbt." Tried to fan all these wood splinters and dust in the air, but Natasha was fanning the other way. Steve gently, carefully, took the box away from the dust where it hung, and hunched over it to stop anything from floating out. JARVIS sighed and sped up whatever filters and circulations and recycling he was running for them.

"Oh, it's just stuff." Steve said. "Looks like new stethoscope, clam jewelry box?, some little other box, lighter, eye dilation drops, eye patches. I might as well not go through it here."

"You might as well yes go through it here, I wanna see." Tony grabbed the little unmarked box.

"Heh, Один Дома on DVD." 

"What's that say, Home Alone?" Tony said. "Does that say Odin?"

"Yeah, oдин . Let's see. Here's some Paxil bottles,"

"Woah, woah." Tony said.

"It's probably formaldehyde." Steve said, of the two boxes with colorful warning labels on them. "These labels and a doctor says, oh boy a new brain and heart."

"They still use formaldehyde?"

"Smell it."

"Fuck no. You'll burn my nose off."

"I'll put it in a jar."

"Yeurgck."

Steve really wanted to open it up and see what it was--it would be stored very well, anything with actual labels on it tends to be serious. "My shield! I let the slime have it!"

"Better remember to get that before we leave."

"We should probably hop to." Natasha said.

"I wanted to find all Bucky's letters SHIELD had. I thought he might... Want to re-read himself."

They nodded at him.

"We can't just go around opening boxes."

"That's not fair to all the animals in SHIELD's zoo."


	12. Yay Everything's Perfect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yay, the ship is good, Bucky's answering questions with straight answers, and Sam is here!

"How was the alligator? What did I miss?"

"Thor."

"It's, yeah it was a problem."

"Oh, my appologies."

Since Thor looked like he was managing to keep Soldier from wiggling out of his arms or pulling his beard off, Steve went off to find Bucky.

* * *

"Oh, you're just on your phone."

"Yeah." Bucky was at the bridge. Steve sat next to him.

"GO." Tony called from down the hall.

"Micromanaging me." Bucky grumbled, and Steve smiled.

"Feeling better? Bucky."

"Mmh."

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah."

"Are you--okay."

"Yes, I'm sure that I'm alright."

"Alright."

"GO."

"This way is not going to work! Tony!" Bucky leaned back to yell at him.

"Where's Soldier?"

"Where? I gave him to Thor. He's the only thing keeping Thor around here, I think thinking about fighting an aligator got meuljnor feeling better." Bucky rambled.

Steve laughed, but did say, "It's not fun when it's coming at you."

"Fine."

"Come help me put it back." Tony slid into the bridge.

Bucky rolled his eyes. "Sure."

"Go get your shield, hon. Pack up your erlenmeyers."

"Alright."

* * *

The ship shook and rattled, they moved about two inches.

They went down to the mess hall to celebrate. Tony was very humble. They tried to call Sam, but he didn't pick up.

"Well I told him not to take a half day. I mean granted it would be stupid to wake everyone up in the middle of the night 'oh earthquake' just to fix the trajectory." Tony said.

"Oh. Did you call him?"

"What, like it's hard?"

* * *

"Sam!" Steve grinned, and glomped him, which was unnessessary in space, but Steve was just happy. Sam laughed and rubbed cheeks with him. "Oh Sam. I'm so sorry we lost you."

"I was back at Earth, I don't know where you guys were. You smell really good." Sam gave him another squeeze and let him go.

"We were right here at each other's throats. You smell good too."

"No, I mean, you smell different."

"Hey Sam."

"Sam."

"Hi Sam."

Sam laughed and gave hugs and handshakes and cheek rubs.

"Sam." Bucky was hovering--literally--like some dark presence.

"Well hello. You look a little less crazy." Sam said, as Bucky gently took Sam's elbows.

"Bucky--he--"

"Steve." Bucky grumbled, and rubbed cheeks with Sam, albiet a little stiffly.

"And you definitely smell different."

"The Winter Soldier was min/maxed." Bucky said, and Sam laughed, and Bucky grinned when Sam smacked his arm.

"Hey other bird-girl!" 

"Hello, Tony."


	13. Midnight Run

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [the blog ](https://pitpoggers.tumblr.com/)

"Well, that was fun. I'm gonna take it apart." Tony said at dinner.

"Of course you are."

"If we fall towards the star again let me know and I'll put it back. But, the other ship is cooler, and I don't know why they can't both work. Bucky."

"Thanks, yeah, real sporty ship."

"Eat. Both you."

"Oh." Bucky looked at his plate. Yeah, all the little pieces of boiled veggies were gone, but there was still a fair amount of meat and potatoes. He cut one up and fed it to Soldier. 

"Yeah, yeah." Tony ate.

"I don't know if I want to go to, uh, Earth." Bucky said half heartedly. "Crowds--I meant it's people in general that I hate. Sam, I don't know you well enough to call you an annoying dick yet, but I don't hate you."

"That's nice of you to say. I guess."

"I guess I kind of assumed you were staying around the star. In Tony's ship." Steve said.

"Not very helpful for Natasha unless she needs her work checked." Bucky said.

"You're not getting any of my work. Just babysit Steve."

"I fucking knew it. I knew it." Bucky said. New mission.

"NO." Steve said.

"I only said Earth to seem normal, I actually want to go to Cat Planet. A perfectly balanced team, all we need is an alpha if we stay too long. Sorry, we don't know whether we're balanced. Cat Planet, I didn't know was on the table."

"You can go anywhere." Steve and Tony said at the same time. 

"That's too much."

"There's probably places on Earth without, without, with, where you get to know people. Some, um, small town in Indiana."

"I was born there. No, that's not a real place." Bucky said these two things right after each other.

"Yes it is. You were."

"I don't think so."

"Indiana? The whole state?" Sam said.

"Isn't a place. Maybe it's a state, but not a physical place."

"Well, it is. If you go to earth I can drive you there." Steve said.

"Hmm."

"What about Nevada, is that real?" Clint said.

"Yes."

"That's what the Government wants you to believe." Tony said, wriggling his fingers.

* * *

"I want to just sleep with you."

A classic. "Okay, Buck, perfect." Steve said, even though it wasn't really very perfect because he wanted to stay up late with Sam. Time to round everyone up and banish them to the nest unless Bucky was willing to squeeze into the sleeper-cabinet. God it's good these ships have ridiculous nests. "I wonder who designed the big nest in this ship." Steve said, wandering into his quarters with Bucky.

"An alpha."

"Oh, of course an alpha would be the one who gets to design all the nests. Omegas make nests for thousands of years until an alpha comes along and invents a slat in the wall and calls it a nest unbelievable."

"Oooohhh, everyone look Steve is a suffragette. Everyone look at Steve."

"Yeah." 

"Sorry, I--"

"No--"

"Was playing."

"No, don't worry about it. I know." Steve said. Steve being a suffragette feminist who hates alphas isn't funny but Captain America suddenly going on a screed is hilarious and Steve wished Bucky knew to remember that. Maybe he should have said that in English. "I just miss... it."

"Stupid." Bucky grumbled, pushing him gently no where and bonking his head against Steve's jaw. Steve couldn't really push back at all, just breezed along while Bucky tried to figure out what he was trying to do. He rubbed the side of his head on Steve's cheek and breathed hot against Steve's ear. Steve shivered and wrapped Bucky in his arms so he wouldn't think it was a bad-shiver or something. 

"Remember how you used to like doing space-walks and you used to annoy me making dumb noises into your mic?"

"No." Bucky huffed against him. He doesn't remember. "Sorry." Bucky settled lower, on Steve's chest, wrapping their legs up together. Steve got a hand on Soldier, who started poking him in that darling way where if it bothered you less, they wouldn't be as interested in it.

"No, I'm sorry. You don't have to remember being dumb in the 40's right now. Just remember being dumb with Soldier and Bruce."

"Okay. The 40's." Bucky said.

* * *

"Steve." Bucky said. "Steve."

"Uhn?" Steve reached for him and pulled him closer. Bucky rubbed their cheeks together, knuckling Steve's other cheek, then kissing him and rolling him into a little spoon and putting Soldier near Steve's chest so he could have Steve's arm as a pillow. 3 spoons.

"I was feeding him. I get lonely."

"Yeah?"

"It's just a part of me now. It's just. Trying to get along and acting like a person."

"No, Bucky, you have us. I promise after you get to know us, and you start to really get your memory back, you, you won't feel so bad."

"Don't worry about me. You don't need to be worrying." Bucky said, shifting and taking his arm back from under Steve's head, and brushed his left hand against Steve's temple. "Can... Should..."

"Yeah, of course."

Bucky stroked Steve's arm, shoulder to elbow, shoulder to elbow. His hand wasn't cold, but it wasn't hot like the rest of him was. But it was Bucky.

Steve woke up right after that and dug through the sheets urgantly like a clown with a bandana, and pulled Soldier out. Soldier balled his fists.

"Oh. Well just don't get smothered in there." Steve smoothed the sheets, and Soldier climbed up his arm to get to his face. Please don't start beating on Steve, Soldier, it's so early. Just wait for Bucky to get back and beat HIM up. "Wait, why am I alone with you?"

Steve dug through the other half of the sheets, but didn't find any tangles of Bucky. 

"It's morning time, Soldier."

Soldier wiggled.

Steve patted down the bunk, looked underneath--Soldier thought that was fun--opened up the sleeper-cabinet, searched his office, opening cabinets and sweeping the gap between the wall and the ceiling. He thought about the potentially dangerous medications he had, but that just made him mad because can't he ever have the body? I know it wasn't fair during the Civil War either, but can't Steve have Bucky's body once? Plus if he tried to count them, Soldier would probably try to eat one.

Steve went down the hall, and Soldier kept smacking and pounding on it, so of course Natasha came to sneak up on him.

"Bucky's gone, I'm just looking for him. He'll be there for breakfast. Just go to sleep."

"Uh-uh." Natasha said. Thor followed them, and tried to reassure Steve, but it didn't do much for him.

"He didn't come to bed." Natasha said when Steve found that Tony's office was open and the nest was empty. 

"Jesus Christ."

"He seemed normal." She clarified. They turned back and found an empty dock. I mean empty.

They ended up in the mess, where Sam, Clint, and Bruce were. 

"I didn't mean to wake you up. Uh. Tony is missing." He said dumbly.

"And Bucky." Sam said.

"That's my fault. Bucky and I were talking. He said he felt lonely. Like joke, I was asleep and Soldier is baby. Who do you talk to? Lonely, but not alone. But I know he doesn't like me anymore."

"What did I miss in 3 days?" Sam said.

"Not... Not very much. He just sulks around." Clint said. "He's just warming up to us."

"I think they really hurt his brain. Sometimes it's like he's not listening, but not just not--not just dissociated." Steve had to force himself to breathe. "I don't know if he can read."

"No eye contact." Clint said. 

"Well, that's true." Bruce said. "But he seems fine around Tony. Staying up late talking politics. And I doubt they were quiet on the ship when they were working."

"Oh yeah. Tony probably just took him for a joyride." Clint said.

"But..." Steve murmured.

* * *

"Hey." Natasha said. "They need to get going in the morning."

"Oh, yeah, I get it, that's fine." Steve said. "Um. I."

"Where do you think he went?" Sam said.

Steve shook his head. "New York? Maybe Indiana! Malibu. Why'd they do this. Why'd they do this." 

"Okay." Sam said. "Well, we can ask them when we find them."

"Dress for humidity." Natasha said.


	14. Roadtrip Roadtrip Roadtrip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>   
> "Evil Baby Hates Toys, Affection; Loves Violence And Concussions"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the funny way of saying... Soldier almost hits his head. Also Steve at one point is like "Ahh being on solid ground is making me seasick!"

Despite space being more of a generational war-zone than a destination, there was a rent-a-car place a block from the space-port, but if you include the parking lot of the space-port, it was more like a full mile. Every third word was "Disney" which made Steve afraid that Disney had been the thing that took over America after SHIELD turned out to be rotten, but then he remembered he was in the middle part of the state of Flordida and also essentially in an airport. What else would you come to Flordida for, when you had Texes and Baikanur?

Steve handled the car transaction, dropping the papers the receptionist handed him, and getting startled by the sound it made on the tiled floor.

He stared at the paper by his feet while Sam wheezed with amusement in one of the chairs in the lobby. Natasha was smiling about it. Steve glared at both of them.

"Sorry." Steve said, and picked it back up.

"It's okay, it happens all the time." 

"Oh." 

"That is why I am holding Soldier." Sam said, supporting him while he wiggled. Weirdly, he looked fatter now. Soldier, not Sam.

"I would not drop Soldier." Steve griped at him. "Bucky even said when we first saw him that Soldier hates floating. I mean I wouldn't even drop him, in space."

"Alright, alright."

Steve saw a patch of grass at the top of the parking lot, brown at the edges from poor drainage, bisected by smooth lumpy rocks, with 500 little red rocks and one smashed yellow Subway drink lid on the other side, and a scraggly, gnarled palm tree that was so tall it seemed to curve. It was so beautiful... He could have come here as Captain America, and instilled patriotism in everyone by crying at a tree. Instead he's Steve so he's just having a moment.

Sam snickered, typing into his phone. Natasha was pointing hers at Steve, who wrinkled his nose at them. 

"We should get real cloths for Soldier." Natasha said.

"Forever in blue jeans, babe." Sam hummed. "Okay seriously, Steve too."

"Huh?" Steve said. "I'm fine."

* * *

"I wish I knew what color he likes." Steve muttered. The thing is he's so fussy. Does not want to be in this baby store, kicking and swiping at the little cloths when they try to hold them up to him. "I don't think he wants off-rack."

"He's a baby."

"I know. Bucky makes him seem so refined."

Sam stared at him. "Oh wait, he can sign?" 

"SA." Soldier spelled.

"SAM?" Sam prompted.

"Sas. S."

"S." Steve said, and Soldier lunged for him.

"Oops. Don't do that." Sam said aloud, and bounced him as they looked at little shirts. "I can't believe he's a baby. Like, why! Why?"

"I know. I don't know what to do. What are we supposed to do?"

* * *

Sam pulled off at an esoteric exit with a Shell gas station, an IHOP, a Buck-E-Bees, and a Days Inn, and parked in front of the diner in the empty parking lot. "We hungry?" 

"Sure, I guess." Steve undid his seat-belt. "I've neeeeh."

"You," Sam laughed, hopping out and trying to pull Steve off the ground, but he doubled over. "You just jumped out of the car like a dog in a pool. You're like Wile E Coyote on the edge of a cliff." Sam said, and Natasha tugged at both of them. Sam went to get Soldier. "Shut up." He said preemptively when his knees wobbled.

"We could have stopped earlier."

"I'm fine. Next time, if you two want to stop."

Natasha got the door and Steve followed Sam in. "Oh-woh." He almost fell backwards in the breezeway, backing into the march-for-dimes collection obelisk, making the plastic clack on the window-sill. Natasha reached to keep him on his feet, holding his hand.

"I got you.

"Sorry. It." So dizzy. Going to be sick. Focus. Natasha. Floor. Sam's shoes. Natasha's leggings.

"You're good." Sam pulled on Steve's shirt to fix it for him.

"It's like airlock."

"Oh." Sam said, eyes searching Steve's face. "We're not in space."

"We're not in space." Steve agreed. 

"We're in North Carolina, I think." Natasha said.

"It was still pretty warm outside." Steve was thinking... positive?

"Hi!" Said the beta at the cashier podium.

"Hi." They said.

"You can sit wherever you'd like, and I'll send someone over."

It was more crowded on the inside than the parking lot. They took a booth around the corner, with the kitchen behind them. They stopped and glanced at each other to decern who wanted the window side and who wanted the kitchen side, and Sam's phone rang. "Oh it's Stark."

"It's Stark?!" Steve said at normal volume.

"Here." Sam said.

"Hello?" Steve said.

"Hello!" Tony said with annoyed bravado. "Where the hell are you three? Bucky's freaking out."

"You have him??"

"Duh! Calm down. Did you not think he woul--did you think he would leave his son that he hasn't let go of since he got here?"

"YOU--he--you s--what--what did you do?"

"Me? Well, JARVIS wasn't about to just let him go in the middle of the night, mainly because he was just ignoring JARVIS telling him to back off the airlock like a totally feral animal. Like, you'd let him go if he really really wanted to, right?"

"Yeah, but. But wish he w-would have TOLD me. Last--uh, yeah. But you say he's on ship, right?"

"Right!" Tony said. "Normal people don't make good decisions that late. So we weren't gonna let him off without,"

"Um! Talk to Sam." Steve shoved the phone at Sam, and left.

Gonna be sick, while not dizzy. A thrilling sequel. He tried to just simply leap over someone on his way to the restroom on the other side of the restaurant. That didn't work, in fact it was much more like a pounce than a leap. "Oh my gosh, I am so sorry, um, I'm f... I'm from space. Here. I'm so sorry." And folks? Steve kept on going, until, halfway across the restaurant, not really looking for a restroom anymore, his head cleared.

"What's wrong?" Natasha came over.

"I keep moving and then when I'm not spinning my stomach does for me."

"How long have," Sam was saying, and the baby reached for Steve, who shook his hand and kissed his forehead. Soldier cooed and kicked him, harder than he could in space. "Woah!" Sam said, mostly because Soldier almost fell, partially because Cap got round-housed by a little baby.

"Ow." Steve said exaggeratedly.

"Hi, are you three alright?" Someone in a collared shirt and a navy apron came to discuss hell on earth and a baby-seat with them.

"Yes, sir. We going to sit down now." Steve said. "Thank--thank-you."

They took the chair and went all the way back to the booth. "Give me your legs, Soldier, give me your legs. We need you to sit. Come on. There you go." Sam got him to sit in the high-chair. "Okay!" He said.

"Wow, entire life just flashed in front of me."

"Good or bad?"

"Just the way you said that. Like, okay! now we relax." 

"He's been pretty good." Sam gave the baby a suspicious look.

"Yeah." Steve said, feeling another wave in his stomach. "Um. Hey. So you, know space?"

They spared him any sarcasm. "Yeah."

"Our sun keeping us in one place... until you say to stay!" Steve came up with that, and it made Natasha scowl. "it. Aliens maybe?"

"You don't think Bucky is an alien." Sam asked. "I think we'd know, but he's not. Stop thinking that. That's not gonna help anyone. _Bucky's an alien_."

"You didn't leave anything in DC?" Steve begged. "Want me to show you round places in New York Bucky might have gone?"

Sam shook his head and Natasha shrugged and wrinkled her face. "We're going back to see him. He can show us next time we're down here." Sam gave him a look, and went back to looking at his menu. 

The baby did not like his prison, and managed to kick the table from underneath and tilt the highchair backwards. Steve saw in his periphery, and he jumped into Sam's lap and then fell fully out of the booth to get a palm between Soldier's head and the ground. Soldier touched his elbows like he was trying to figure out how to cross his arms. Steve unstrapped him and sat the chair back up.

"How'd he do that." Natasha said.

"Power of will. Sorry Sam." Steve said. "I don't know. Why not... Not I just hold him. I don't know if I should eat if I have sea-sickness."

"You're fine. We can just take turns."

Uh, no they definitely could not because Soldier had turned into a little tornado, unwilling to be held. "Hey, relax, hey." He and Sam tried to keep him from going under the table.

"Buck-E-Bees? Kids?" Natasha suggested.

"He's--I don't know." Sam said, and Soldier started to get tuckered out, leaning sideways against Steve. "He might not like... Does Buck-E-Bees still have the animatronics?"

"I don't think he's at the right age to be scared of anything."

"I don't know if I'm at the age to go to Buck-E-Bees on purpose." Sam said, glancing at the baby.

"Hi! Can I get you ladies... anything?" The waiter grabbed the back of the empty baby chair.

"I would like a fancy lemonade." Sam said.

"And I would like a fancy ice tea." Natasha said. 

"Arnold Palmer." Steve said. They'll put mango in your ice tea, now.

"Wonder where they went." Natasha said.

"How long has it been?"

"I don't know. I'm just waiting for jet lag to hit." Sam said.

"Let me drive." Natasha said.

"Fine."

"Like why couldn't they warn me." Steve said. "He woke me up to say goodbye. I'm so stupid."

"Hm?"

"Probably just the tower." Natasha mused.

Steve rubbed his terrible face and sighed. "I don't know. I guess Bucky." I guess Bucky what! 

"Can I get you anything to eat?"

Sam nudged Steve, and Soldier reached after him, so Sam took him. 

"Three BLTs." Natasha said. "Please."

"And a cup of fruit, can you do that?"

"Yeah, well, they come with french fries, or fruit, or other stuff." The waiter said.

"Do you want some fruit? Huh?" Sam said to Soldier. Soldier nodded, and Sam pulled him back from climbing onto the table.

Folks, the fruit was a big hit with this baby. He's really chomping these diced cantaloupes down (okay, and sometimes it just fell back out of his mouth, but, he probably thought that was very funny,) faster than they can dice them. There is hope. There is fruit juice, sticky hands, and strawberries.

"Aw, Steve."

"What." Steve blushed. His face probably looked all silly.

"Don't forget to eat, yourself." Sam said.

* * *

It was dark outside. Navy blue and fuzzy, with lamps and moths. It was still hot in a horrible way, there was still grass and trees, lit harshly and then further from the sidewalk not lit at all. 

Steve was still confined to the backseat, and Soldier was still confined to his car-seat, which was different from the high-chair somehow, probably, because he was just fidgeting with the strap, running his little hand over the material. Soldier stared at him as streetlights crossed his little round face. The air-conditioning blew onto Steve's knees. Natasha took a lap around the gas station and then got on the highway.

"Ice Ice Baby or Under Pressure." Natasha said.

"It better be Ice Ice Baby. I am not going back to space with David Bowie." Sam said.


	15. News of the World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Exploits of Tony and Bucky : They Kidnapped Somebody

"Well hello!" Tony greeted them at the airlock of the SSSS. 

"Hello, alpha." Steve said stiffly. He'd stared out the car window thinking about Tony's hands, and stared out the shuttle window thinking about winning arguments against him. And now he was here.

"Lots of big news, I'll let Bucky tell you." Tony rubbed cheeks with them. "Yeah, if you'd gone to Houston I'd have to quarantine you, lucky the foyer is pretty sweet."

"What," Tony continued, ranting, "Was I supposed to send him out all alone? Not let him out? I don't think that's a good look. JARVIS literally told you not to go and what do you do--you freak out. Bucky!" He called, then started talking to Natasha about the set up he'd made for her. "Were you serious about spying on that star? I got you some turntables. Blah blah technology."

Soldier paused helicoptering his arms to gestured at Tony. "Yeah, that's Tony." Steve told him. "We're back up here."

"We could go back. You know. I came to visit you, I don't really care about space." Sam said, "Or some other planet." He suggested.

"I also don't care about some other planet."

Sam chuckled and shook his head. "Only got eyes for Earth?"

"Where did you want to go?"

Sam shrugged. "Earth is fine."

"Playing hard to get." Bucky came in, bee-lining for Soldier before he could leap. "Hi little Soldier. Sam. You were supposed to have breakfast with us."

Sam rolled his eyes.

"Oh, your hair is crazy, you just look weird." Steve blurted. So much for being mad at him, I guess. I mean, his hair was _down_ , you know? Sleek, shiny, settled, and _long_ , and not wildly wiping around his face in clumps as he stalks around hunting Steve down for Insight or tranquilly raising off him like a specimen in a tank.

Bucky smiled and looped a strand around his finger. "What's--"

"Wait, are you bleeding!"

"I'm just sweating into my scabs, Dr. Mommy. Say, did Soldier have any fun on Earth besides getting real formula and pajamas?" Bucky said, and then asked Soldier himself, "Huh, did you like driving around with Steve?"

"Oh, oh, I got baby stuff, by the way. Felt weird buying baby-Gatorade for an actual baby. Do you want to know what WE got up to?" Tony said.

"Yeah." Steve said like he was still trying to chew them out for leaving. 

"Sure." Natasha said.

"We had fun. Big 'out there there's a world outside of Yonkers' energy."

"He did make me sing." Bucky griped. "And the actual mission was semi-catastrophic."

"We almost got caught by Hydra." Tony came up on his heels.

Steve reacted strongly, but it wasn't coherent. "He almost? Hy?"

"We didn't, though." Bucky grumbled. "There's not even any cool guys left to come get me. _Oh it's me Price._ Who is that?"

"Don't say cool!" Steve said.

"Oh yeah, I forgot. Is Bucky okay?" Sam said.

"Bucky's just tired. No, uh, Bucky's okay. Barney is good too." He said. "I'm kidding, yeah, Bucky's fine."

"Rhodey and Barney are, like, the same convention." Tony rambled. "And I knew Rhodey first so he gets it. Also it's cuter than Barney. I know you were here first, that is not the criteria I was using." He said to Bucky. "Oh! Also! Bucky can read the future!"

"Yep. But not you." Bucky looked at Steve. "Shield. Impermeable. I'm kidding, just anyone who's enhanced, I think?? Meant to ask Bruce's deal--anyways, I hate it here."

"Rude." Natasha said.

Steve tried to put the last 72 hours he'd been with Bucky in perspective.

"What?" Sam said.

"He sees--all--the possibilities." Tony said. "Which doesn't seem useful for, like, fighting." He said, and ducked around like he was dodging punches. "Like, right or left, you know?"

"I explained it to you." Bucky intoned at him, then spared the other three a run-down. "It's about people making decisions. Split second ones that I am very tuned to." 

"And you steal jokes from Tony? After he decides to talk but before he opens his mouth?" Steve said. Tony smiled.

"Yes. I'm his mini-me. No, I'm not going to punch you to prove how fighting works." Bucky said, and _then_ feigned at Steve, just like Steve knew he would. See, Steve can do it too! Yay, twins.

"This is really weird, I..." Sam said, and Bucky harmonized with him, signing _really weird_ the same way, too. "Okay. No, I get it." They both said.

"He'll do that until you believe him." Tony said.

Bucky glanced at Steve.

Steve opened his mouth and then shut it. "Sorry for not having future."

"You are not forgiven." Bucky said, and didn't budge when Steve accidentally took that seriously right to his heart.

"The actual news is we found another, uh, baby. Like, apparently, this isn't a new thing so that's nice." Tony said. "She's, uh. Well, I think she's cool."

"Yeah." Bucky said. "She stabbed me. She's tough."

"Oh."

"Also, Tony shot me, but I forgave him."

"Oh?"

"In the leg! Really careful, I just couldn't reach him to pull him back. When Hydra said their code-word thingies. He was just going off with them, and I was too far away to do anything except kneecap him."

"Yeah the triggers."

"Okay, you two are going to tell me," Steve demanded.

"Steve, Steve, it's not--you're not gonna be happier after you hear it. Huh." Bucky cut him off. "Plus, Odie almost out-ran me like I'm kind of joke just because I haven't, you know,"

"She's just mad at us, but I think she likes me." Tony started arguing with Bucky about the new Hydra baby (child? adult?)

"Well, she didn't stab you."

"Right. Like I said, she's cool. Let me show you around!" Tony lead them out and Steve grabbed Bucky's hand on the way over. Yeah, they're not literally dragging each other around anymore, but they sure were going down a hall. Bucky startled, but squeezed him.

"Oh, sorry! Do you not expect me to do that?"

"Wouldn't want you to feel put upon to express physical affection."

"I mean I can ask!"

"No you can't."

Yeah, 'Bucky can I hold your hand?' Sounds too sweet for Steve to get through. I mean, yes Steve can ask! Sheesh, if it's better for Bucky he can just stick it in his head.

"Here's this thing." Tony said. Now this was a cool room. We're really leaning into the futuristic vibe, but, like, to a nauseating degree. Long gone were the dark, flickery, grimey, greebled walls of the Hephaestus. Well, it was still greebled, I guess, but just with colorful lights. There was some light-blue glass, but of course the windowlessness made it feel more like a stupidly meandering home.

"Here's another place to just hang out in." Tony said, and decided the walking tour was over. "Oh, we have a gym too."

"Hey."

"That's Odie. Odie, that's Sam, Steve, and Natasha. Folks, that's Odie."

"Mm-hm." She was on the couch, taking up as much room as she could. Not much, because she was tiny. But handsome, in a rose gold jacket with jeans that were so distressed they were hanging off her. She had dark eyes and a ponytail. She'd, um, stretched her ears out to put those big earrings in, they were blue like a mermaid tail. A scar bumped down the left side of her face, from her nose straight down her cheek to the corner of her mouth. 

"What's that?"

"Your little brother. His name is Soldier."

Odie made a judgemental face at Soldier, whose brow was already all furrowed.

"He doesn't like you yet." Bucky turned his midsection away from her. "Not biologically." He signed at Steve. Oh, that changes everything. (It changed the horrible tiny cryo-tanks Steve was imagining. It didn't change him grappling with the number of infant child-winter-soldiers being greater than one.)

"Okay. Bye." 

"Wait. Wait, wait." Steve said. 

"Odie."

"I don't do hand stuff." Odie turned back around and scowled at them.

"Wh."

"Don't be rude, Odie. Steve she doesn't sign." Bucky said.

"Oh. Wh..."

"Seemed hard. Learning. So I didn't."

"Odie." Bucky said.

"I don't listen anyways. Sam, Sam, and Sam." She pointed at them.

"Heh, I wish."

"Tch-heh-heh."

"Odie, what did I just tell you."

"You just said my name all mean."

Odie was pretty cute. But, it seemed that she was actually getting on Bucky's nerves.

"Alpha, do I get lab?"

"Yeah, of course you get a lab. Let's move along folks, on your left is dinosaurs. Angry dinosaur."

Bucky shuffled Soldier, and then shuffled him again trying to hold him like a normal person instead of a Harlem Globe Trotter, and passed him to Tony. 

"I'll show him." Bucky pulled Steve out of the living room.

"They do move in herds. Come on you two, pick rooms. We'll let Odie be all broody if she wants. You are in a public space." Tony reminded her. The public was here, and wanted her to be genuine, not so affected.

"I heard them get here. My room's already wrecked."

"How is it already wrecked?" Tony squeaked. Odie smiled to herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that Odie isn't just fun for me... I was thinking of putting Peter, but he, like, doesn't have parents in canon, so there's less of a bite to him being some baby that got dropped out in the world once he got too heavy. And if it was Peter, I think it would be Sam who went with Bucky, not Tony XD But, yeah, Odie is like Peter in that she's Tony's ward. She didn't get enough screentime for Steve to get jealous about it, but I think if Bucky had a kid, you know, who wrote Steve off or reminded him of Brooklyn, or just didn't talk much, I think Steve would really start to take it personally. Is Odie good enough with people, will she notice this and start to enjoy attention from Steve acting like a desperate step-dad?


	16. Poker Face Lady Gaga

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve redresses Bucky's wounds and they play catch up.

"Why'd I do that. Give him back." Bucky went around the corner with Steve and then rounded back to get Soldier and bring him into the OR.

"Bucky..."

"What, I can have him when he's getting a check up, but not while you looking at my leg?" Bucky marched back into the common room.

"Obviously yes..." Steve said.

"I'm not a cartoon character." Tony huffed at Bucky. 

"Ahhh, Tony won't take him back. Boo."

"Let me have him?" Sam said.

"Aw, damn, you like babies?"

"I don't know what's happening."

"Yeah."

"Did... Besides, uh. Besides getting shot." Steve followed Bucky.

"That's not a sentence. No, I hate Tony ALL he talked about on the way up was that AI you found and his suit and his dick."

"Yeah, pretty typical."

"Yeah." Bucky said. "Is it big?"

"The AI is big, yeah, lots of servers and processors."

"Alright. I was just asking."

"Don't make me talk about this."

"Oh yeah, you're too pure to have opinions on anything."

"Oh, just ask him."

"It's more fun bothering you about it. Woah." Steve's office was kind of like if you tried to mix an engineering workshop with a business office, but with more mad scientist stuff (yeah, most of it was, uh, amazing and wonderful). There was a poster of an octopus in a tree that said hang in there, because Tony is dumb. "Yeah, you might know something about his--"

"Shut up."

"Dick."

"Shut up. He just does this. What's your quarters look like."

"Whatever, yeah." Bucky said and Steve got some space ready for him. "Hey Steve would you stan me on Twitter."

"I know what stanning is. But, what's your definition."

"What? I'm not on that side of Twitter."

"What side are you on? Put that up." It wasn't his knee thank fuck. 

"Weird female alphas who like emogees and little boys with teapots on their heads and triangle hats. I found Odie--which was hard because that's already a name--and I @ed her, that's how you talk to people--you know Twitters--and she said one word and tagged her location, and then like 5 people started calling Soldier ugly and saying he eats mice. He just photographs bad. I think it was worth it."  
Steve searched half the lab for an X-ray machine, during this. Tony had really arranged this more like a lab than an exam room. "Oh, it was worth it. We should at least touch bases with all of them. I know that they can have a happy life." Steve said. "Tony took pretty good care of you."

"And if they're not, we interfere."

"Next time you are bringing me with you." Camera got really tight and started doing shot-reverse-shot, because no one knows what happens after the doctor wistfully says, aw jeez, it's a shame you dressed this so nice.

"We interfere with absolutely any means necessary, I'm Captain America--I won't stop--until every baby--"

"Relax. We can sit here all day making fun of me, I'm serious."

"Is reading Whitefang on an estate with a bear rug and a fireplace and cookies. Oh, aw. Tony was made at me for tapping out--"

"Just like him,"

"When there was one more,"

They talked over each other,

"To shoot someone and then,"

"Bad news. We lost the Howling Commaniblized. And I'm sorry, because I don't remember that."  
"Oh. Aw gee--Can you feel this?--it's okay. I'm sure Tony would have gotten it and fixed it for me and then neither of us would have been able to stand to look at it except you don't have any bias and I know it's what got you back. To me." 

"Talk to Tony or Sam about it." Bucky said after Steve finished delivering his little speech which he actually kept trailing off during because his hands were busy.

"It served it's purpose, that's it. And no, I'm not your stan I'm your best friend."

"Aw, so you won't get in fights for me at the drop of a hat for me and stream Kick It?"

"What's Kick It?"

"I don't know, but everybody is mad about it. How is it?" Bucky ran his hand over the new bandage.

"You're not allowed to act like you're not hurt anymore."

"Oh boy, red jello." Bucky pulled his shirt part-way up for Steve. "Good sign when the doctor makes that face."

"I'm just trying to seem--you know." Steve lied. This is what was bleeding.

"I'd take competance from you."

"Aw, really?"

"Yes really. It can't be that bad. I mean, it should be bad or else Odie is a disappointment, but..."

Steve rolled his eyes at that, and started sniffing around Bucky's ribs--like maybe he could just clean it quick again and it would suddenly be a red line

"After this, you can do that check-up. See how Soldier's goose-egg on his head is."

"Goose-egg? Did, did he really fall? I tried to catch him. I almost landed on him. I'm sorry, Bucky."

"Can't let him scare himself and then banish him to some chair 6 feet away." Bucky trailed off.

"Yeah, no, I guess that would be scary. We didn't mean it like that, you just... put babies in high-chairs it's just what you do I don't know what scared him. I just kissed him--like on the forehead--and--"

"He said, 'Aw,' and then remembered they didn't want him crying. Aw and aah aren't the same thing, but you can't give Hydra an inch and then once you're one way it's hard to go back."

"Oh Jesus. I'm sorr--,"

"Everyone gets used to the way you are."

"I thought the crying thing was like the pooping thing. It just doesn't exist unless it's funny." And it was very funny because everything is stupid in space.

"Oh, I like that better, forget all this." Bucky said. "You're right, crying sucks."

"No, I mean... Jesus, if he's started crying we'd probably have fussed over him in the aisle-way until they hit us over the heads with the high chair."

"You can't talk about babies like they're already off to school or whatever because he's not. I don't really know if you all want him making noise, ha ha." Bucky said. "I get to sleeping through the night, he'll get bored of waking up eventually."

"Of course we want him making noise--Jesus, if he'd started crying we'd probably fuss over him in the aisle-way until they hit us over the head with the high chair."

"He's a handful, I get it. He's testing you. He'd probably like getting fussed over. Duck for the high chair, though."

"Give me another chance."

"Your hands seem pretty full."

"Is it okay?" Steve stopped.

"I think so."

"So, how's the future?"

"The future? Bad. I don't like it. I don't--I didn't need people getting mad at me for being stupid. I don't know everything. I think I meant to tell you. You're you, you know? I'm sorry."

"We're not gonna get mad at you." Steve said. "Oh my gosh, did you cheat at cards."

"Fine. It's not all bad, there's some gains." Bucky smiled.

"No. How'd you manage that with me, Natasha, and Bruce at the table. That's just like playing normal cards."

"I said I was good at cards, not good at cheating at cards. I don't need to read you when I can see your goofy bad poker face."

"You give them their stuff back. You can keep mine, whatever, but."

"Your dumb cheap knife. Thanks a lot. I was gonna let Clint win, but I can't control the table like that. I can't influence decisions. He wouldn't want me looking at his future anyways."

"No."

"I mean, nobody does. But it's fucking easier, Steven. Shield can go down. Mask can come off. The Hulk can relax." 

"YEAH, Bruce could probably meditate or something. If that's how it works."

"I don't know how it works. Usually everyone is an open book. How many times around do you need?" Bucky was fed up with all this first aid bandage-wrapping!

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm just mad at you, I bet you could do it too. At first I was mad at you I thought you were doing it on purpose it turns out you're just stupid. If you could do it then I could really see you, and we could really... I'm so mad at Tony for catching me. I should have told you."

"There, you're done. Do you have a room?"

Bucky mumbled like he was trying to think of an excuse for not having picked his quarters. 

"Well, you're keeping your leg elevated, so, go to bed." Steve said, and tried to push the table, and Bucky glanced at him leaning against it and smiled.

"Come on and wheel me off, Captain Strong."

"I hate Tony. I'm more than just a mad scientist."

"A sad scientist."

"No, a doctor."

"Put me on the Hephaestus. Woo." 

"I'm over floating around." Steve picked Bucky up, and Bucky hooked his knee over Steve's neck. "It doesn't have to be that high if it bothers you." Steve said, already holding Bucky like he was planning on 'accidentally' dropping him on the head. 

"Are best friends not allowed to walk around like this?"

"How's your ribs?"

"Fine."

"Oh jeez, how's your back?"

"I'm hanging upsidedown. I'm gonna wake up in the morning 100% healed and used to it." Bucky squirmed when he said 'it.'

"Fine, I'll stop mother-henning you." Steve paused to gt a better grip on Bucky since now if he did fall on his head Steve would seem like an incredible jackass.

"Put us across the hall from Odie." Bucky decided.

"We can go to Earth if you want." Steve blurted.

"No, you and I should go on the Hephaestus." Bucky's mood turned mean and Steve glanced at his face. "Is that where they got festival from?"

"Maybe? That's Dionysus."

"Oh. Fuck me, Steve, this is what you letting me see your future would fix." Bucky reached up, and Steve dropped to one knee as Bucky shifted their center of gravity. 

Bucky pulled him down and then sat on his chest. "Just let me in so I don't have to do this anymore. There's a world in your dreams and I need to go there." Bucky touched Steve's face, gently, brushing his thumb too lightly over his cheek. Their faces were very close together, Steve hadn't really processed what Bucky'd even said. Bucky pulled Steve's right eyelid up--his eyes were already open if you were wondering, he wasn't so into the romance of getting knocked over in slow motion that he'd closed them and puckered up, they're already open Bucky what ARE you doing. Bucky was looking at the juicy muscles on the bottom of Steve's eyeball, pushing his eyelid into his eyebrow.

"Bucky." Bucky my dreams are in my brain and you CANNOT access them through my EYEBALL.

Bucky took a deep breath. Steve probably wouldn't have been able to tell if they weren't so close. "Bucky..." Steve tried again. His eye felt cold and hot at the same time.

Bucky glanced into Steve's other eye, which kind of made him mad for a second because the other one was also Steve too and Bucky was avoiding eye-contact with that one because he was being crazy and he knew it! Bucky let Steve have it back, and Steve closed it and rubbed it. Bucky didn't get off him, just tried to understand his face.

"It's Steve." Steve said, and Bucky's eyes flicked down to his mouth like he was going to try and pry that open next. 

Bucky didn't say anything.

"What's wrong."

He looked frustrated.

"I can't help it. I'm a shield, I don't know. I can't--I don't know." Steve didn't know anything about his future, so he couldn't help Bucky! He put his hand on Bucky's hip. Bucky watched this in a way that made Steve drop it. 

"Well, just stay and stare at me if you want."

You might not realize how much you mouth off until someone actually punches you for it. 

"Unnecessary force." Steve flipped Bucky off of him. "Oh sorry--I'm sorry." Steve pulled him to sit by his shoulder and then slipped an arm under his knees.

"Well I don't know what else the fuck to do." Bucky shouted, stretched out against Steve to get some air in him.

"Are you okay?" Steve stood up.

"Whatever." Bucky said. "Sorry."

"It's okay. Just. No pinning people unless you have your leg..." Impossible.

"Next time I'll just lift it and pee on you."


	17. Odie Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve builds Bucky a nest and then hangs out with Odie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  odie...

"Okay, buzz off I've been on this all day." Bucky made Steve let him walk :( "It's not even that bad, I had my feet on the dashboard. If you lock me in a room all night, I'll kill you with an axe."

"Oh my God." Steve grumbled to himself.

"This is a stupid room." Bucky decided. It was very colorful and there was a big crib by the bed. Bucky moved all the baby stuff from the bed to the crib and pulled the comforter off.

"What are you doing." Steve threw the pillows at him.

"I'm not sleeping on that side." Bucky put the comforter against the other wall, bending to straighten it out and then fold one corner.

Steve picked up the pillows and rolled them onto the comforter and folded the other corner for him. "Of... the room? He probably has a linen closet."

"That's the weft side." Bucky went back to the bed.

"That's not west, there's no west in space. You need something softer than just a comforter." Steve and Bucky pulled the next blanket off together.

"I said left."

"Sit, I'll do it." Steve said, pulling the blanket out of Bucky's hands, and then poked him.

"I'm putting it under the coat-thingie." Bucky went to look at the crib. It was kind of ugly.

"Alright." Steve smiled on accident. "Sit."

"Make it look bad, though."

"Don't worry about that stuff. I'll make it look beta-y. Is it the air vent?" 

"It's not even close to the bed. Maybe I just miss the big nest."

"Oh. May I get you more pillows?"

"Sure." Bucky said, but he went to do it himself; and folks I know this may sound crazy, but he did not come back. Well 'half done' definitely counted as 'bad' nest-wise, so Steve abandoned his work to go find Bucky.

"And I got control of the cruiser and then jumped out and it drove off the edge of a ramp-thingie." Odie was regaling Natasha, Bucky, and Soldier with some wild story. "The whole freeway -thingie. That's how fast I made it when I tased the driver-cop. Then when I was six, gangsters got me and they almost sold me but I convinced them I was a god and they turned into a cult and they let me eat cake because I commanded them too."

"Uh-huh." Natasha said.

"Then that summer they put me in a zoo, some purple guys did, but I disguised myself as an old mailman and mailed myself out of the zoo to a rich game-hunter who I hunted down and tied to a tree with his own parachute. And I stole his knife." She pulled out a curved knife. "You stick it up people's nose and then push up."

"Up, not back." Bucky muttered, holding Soldier's hands as he wiggled and kicked.

"That's what I said. I have easier knives, though, so I stopped using it except as a joke." Odie held it out from the top of the cross-guard.

Natasha took it and tested the weight. It looked double edged. Steve leaned closer and Natasha tricked him into going cross eyed, putting it close to his nose. Okay, I guess you could stick this up someone's nose in a subversively violent cartoon. Oh fuck Bucky's going to put this in Steve like an ice pick. Odie fluttered her hand and reached to flip it for Natasha. Okay, now it just looked like a knife-spatula. 

"What." Odie challenged.

"Leave them alone." Bucky said.

"Nothing. I don't like that you had to do all that." Steve said, and JARVIS also said it.

"You don't think that cops, gangsters, and anthropologists can all be on the same side." Odie accused.

"No, I get it."

"Odie, lay off. What." Bucky muttered. "Hey, do you like Steve?"

Soldier tried to climb over Bucky's hand and off the couch to get to Steve, and then gave up and started flailing his arms. Steve waved hello and Soldier grinned gummily, probably because Steve was smiling too.

"See? He's fine." Bucky held him under his arms and passed him to Steve. Of course Steve got kicked a few times from those dangling legs. Soldier seemed appropriately afraid of gravity though, he wasn't trying any exciting rock climbing moves, he was just wiggling.

"I'm sorry about yesterday." Steve said to him.

"Yesterdaaaaaay." Soldier signed.

"How'd you get off the island?" Natasha said.

"Who says I got off the island, it was great, great beaches, big weird house. I'm kidding, I got in trouble for not paying taxes and I took the agent's sunglasses and little boat and then I radioed the shore. It's a nice gig, going to knock on people's doors. I didn't get to do it, I wasn't as tall as the guy so it was a dead give away, I ended up stealing a car and then I joined a better gang."

"Alright, Odie." Bucky said.

"It's all true. I never got to swear on a bible, though. I think I did end up with a record which sucks. Tony says that means they owe me money, but you can't trust lawyers."

"What." Bucky challenged, and then turned his cheek.

"Excuse me." Odie said passive-aggressively.

"You're excused." Bucky said, and Odie stomped out. "Wrong way." Bucky called after her, but I guess she ignored her.

"So, what are we going to do about her?" Natasha said.

"Ask the alpha." Bucky said. "I mean Tony. She's not happy to be here though." He laughed. "I think he was gonna give her a lift. But we kind of secretly want--Odie to go to Earth." Bucky shut his mouth.

Steve nodded. "Earth, she might like that. Was she not already on Earth?"

"Huh, what?" Tony came in, a little bit hunched up like Odie'd tackled him down and dragged him.

"Nothing, I was just worried about her." Natasha said. 

Odie tried to look cool.

"Well, she's here now." Tony said, turning his aborted move to put his arm around Odie into some vaguely grandiose gesture. "Oh, we should have dinner. Breakfast?"

Natasha shrugged.

"Yeah." Steve said, a hungry non-perscriptivist.

"Pancakes." Bucky interjected, and Tony clipped on his heels.

"We have chocolate chips. Yeah, sorry, pancakes." 

Steve smiled. 

"Surrrree." Odie said, going to the pantry.

"Odie, can I ask? Why do you have that accent."

Everybody was like Steve shut up, Steve shut up.

"Just disguising where I'm actually from."

"You're from Earth."

"I've been all over. What did Earth ever do for me?" 

Tony convinced them to spar, he just likes watching Steve and Natasha fight. It felt so fucking good to fight, it made Steve feel like a real person again. 

"I still don't have any good knives, they keep confiscating them from me." Bucky was telling Odie afterwards. "Steve, where's the knives I got here with?" 

"In Hephaestus606. I think we should d--" 

"Where in the Hephaestus?" 

"My quarters." 

"Where's my poker knives?" 

"My quarters." 

"Where's my gun?" 

"My quarters." 

"What's in my wallet?" 

"You do owe me five dollars." Steve mused. "From that bet in bar with blue shirt girl." 

"That didn't count." 

"You remember that?" 

Bucky laughed at him. "You're really showing your hand. You're trying to steal five dollars from a confused old man." Everyone laughed except Steve, who couldn't give Bucky the satisfaction. 

Steve went to Odie's quarters (or, as Tony would say, room) before bed, and knocked, and Odie answered and stared at him, wearing headphones that whined with compressed audio.

"Hello teeny tiny alpha!"

"I am wearing headphones." Odie said, shortly, going back to lounge on her bed, and Steve followed and sat at her feet.

"Yeah, that's why I was signing so big." Steve smiled like he was very cute.

"You know I can lip-read."

"But that's not always perfect. Especially for me...."

"Well I don't read sign." She pitched her voice up.

Steve didn't let it get under his skin. People talked down to him all the time he was like 90 pounds and now he is a mascot character. "I could teach you."

"I can guess, mommy."

"What are you listening to?"

"It's Emo Philips." Odie said, like she'd head the name and thought he was cool. And she unplugged her headphones and made Steve sit through the 'what kind of Baptist?' bit, because I guess she must have actually been listening to his stand up. Steve didn't really get the joke, because he was Catholic, but everybody loves Emo's wonderful voice.

"What about before I came in your door?"

"It's all Emo Phillips all the time for me."

"Ah, alright."

"I'm just playing one of those clicker dragon breeding games." And grimaced.

"That's cool."

"It's a stupid racket." Odie said, and sighed. "Beauty and Beast and Lion King are already musicals. You know? Like real musicals. Are they just that good or was it just for the copyright the whole time."

"Uh. What about Malificent from Sleeping Beauty Malificent. Angelina Jolie. Sleeping Beauty." 

"Oh! No, that's On The Twentieth Century. You're goalposting." 

"They remade Sleepy Beauty. Maybe Lion King and Beauty and the Beast are more popular than Sleeping Beauty. But, I don't think it's be copyright." 

Odie laughed and rolled her eyes. "You just want to be right. I want an answer." 

"I don't know." 

"Fine."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha, so Kirstan Chenoweth was in On the Twentith Century, a musical,an Kirstan Chenoweth was in Descendands (non theatrical movies eries) AS Malificent, and Steve is talking about, like he said, Malificant the movie


	18. Broad

Steve stood around in the background. He touched his arms and hands and there was a stain on his pants which he tried to brush out. The wall, the chair, the floor. 

"What are you doing." 

"Nothing." Steve went over to Bucky and followed him to bed.

"Want to hold Soldier?"

"Sure."

Bucky was the big spoon, again. They curled up tight in the nest. Safe and sealed up and not against the wrong wall.

"Do you want to stay, and let us help you with Soldier? I hope that's unspoken that you know I want you to stay and I'll stay with you, but I want you to know. And we won't make you fight."

Bucky was quiet about that for a while. Well, maybe he had plans to leave. Maybe he was well-founded to be overprotective of Soldier and couldn't take any help.

"Can I ask you something important? Are you bred?" 

"Can I ask you something. Are you bred?" 

"What?" 

"Sam and Tony think you're bred. So. Also, you've been acting insane and hormonal." 

"I have not. What do you know." Steve said, but his body was already starting to go cold. He grabbed Bucky and snuck out of the nest and dragged him down the hall. 

"What are you going to do?" Bucky said. 

"I'm just getting a test. Wait, have they been talking about me?" 

"Hmm? No. Uh. They've been smelling you. I'm a supersolider." 

"What are you talking about. I'm not bred. You're just trying to make me pee on a little stick in space." With that said, Steve checked his blood. 

"So, what are you gonna do?" 

"I'm gonna go to Earth. Probably New York. Eat breakfast." 

"No cryo for you, when we go." 

"It's only one hyper jump. It would be funny if I finally got to be older than you, huh?" 

"Fine, don't answer me." 

"I don't know, Bucky! I'm Captain America." 

"Alright, alright." Bucky yawned. "Whazzat even mean?" 

"Come on, let's go back to bed." 

"Do you feel different?" 

"I feel guilty." 

"What, why? I think your guys knew before they even knew. They let me in the big nest, just to keep an eye on you." 

"That's sweet. That's sweet. I guess I do feel kind of insane and hormonal. At least I can outsmart it now." 

"Outsmart what? That's not how it works." 

"Well, I feel like an idiot. And I was feeling lonely. I guess that's fine. Our bodies probably think I don't belong in this pack, like, they're not the right pack." 

"Yes you do. Blame me, not Tony." 

"I'm not blaming anyone. I'm the one that got bred. What a horrible time for this. God dammit." Of course, he couldn't sleep, knowing this. 

Steve wandered through the hallway. Folks, this is why Steve never went out of his way for alphas. Just when you want one, he's not around.

"Jarvis." Steve whispered at the dock, looking at the Hephaestus606 and the StarClimber 800. "Is Tony out there?"

JARVIS let him out. We don't know whether Tony is on the Hephaestus or the other one. He better be on the other one because no thanks. Well, it might be fun to walk around it since it was barrowing the gravity of the SSSS.

Well it was dark in the StarClimber... except a light down the hall.

"Helloo?" Tony sung.

The runners came on.

"From your voice, I'm guessing it's Natasha."

"I didn't say anything." Steve signed on the ladder at the door. You know... If you are as interested in parallels as Steve is right now you would be saying, 'Oh my God this ship is not very much like the Commaniblized, which Bucky's mystery daughter crashed into a strip-club doing that 'teenager driving a manual' thing where the car hops like a cat pouncing.' And Steve would be saying, don't say that, don't say any of that, please.

Tony was working just with the light of a couple monitors.

"Get in here." Tony invited.

"Remember how the doors in the Commaniblized were just manual crank windows."

"I was thinking of putting fish tanks--it'll work as long as we keep it docked and it's only twice as dumb as 1 pane of glass. Sit--forget the fish tanks the first thing I'm fixing is these dumb little chairs."

"Oh, this is your collectible now?" Steve wound his ankles up like he was making his own simulacrum of gravity. Because fuck Tony's simulacrum.

"Commaniblized was definitely getting stored and retouched by hook or crook. I would have left the seats and doors, though. You look adorable." He squeezed Steve's knee.

"Thanks. If you were Bucky or Sam," Steve kicked his feet out and grabbed the edge of his chair.

"Cowgirl mode." Tony said, and Steve blushed and just sat normal, putting an elbow on the console. "If you care, I can just lip-read. We have that option, you know."

"I'm fine." 

"Good, because this lighting is actually pretty spooky. You'd think we'd have done something about this besides changing our own behavior. Change the acoustics. Change the air."

"Change the telephones. Make AI's." Steve said, and Tony winked. "It's not you, it's me."

"Aw, come on baby, give me another chance." Tony said, and Steve laughed.

"How are you doing? Are you good?"

"Yeah, I'm just trying to get JARVIS on here to make sure I can before I put that SHIELD one on, but the blutooth is being a pill." Tony said, and then gazed at Steve. 

"What?" Steve raised his eyebrows.

"What are you doing up so late?" Tony said. "This isn't a 'you only call me when you're lonely' moment, you just usually don't bother me at, uh, oh whatever."

"I'm not lonely." Steve said quickly, skipping over 'did you have dinner'. "You smell weird, though."

"You're so mean to alphas. I don't know _what_ you military people do,"

"Pre-rut? You're in pre-rut?"

Tony leaned forward, and Steve met him and they rubbed cheeks. No, he just simply smelled like Tony but weird. Steve caught Tony's lips, and he smiled against him before kissing back. And then even though they'd just been riffing on sitting in chairs, Steve fell and snapped his chin on Tony's knee.

"See? Eager, much." Tony helped him back up.

"Whatever, you're probably fine."

"How long have we known each other? Why do you think I was so crazy about Tuesday? We had 3 months, actually, before the star got us."

"Wow." Alphas really do think with their knots.

"You're just off your heat, maybe your body knows I'm about to be bad news."

"Oh."

"Ah forget you."

"No, it is just me. I'm stuck."

"Stuck where? Come down to shot-gun."

"I'm bred."

Tony's face changed, like, a lot. 

"Yeah. I didn't know until Bucky informed me that everyone else knew."

"Well, wait a minute, WE had you for most of your heat."

"It's not ours, it's my old pack's."

"Did you know before? God, I'm sorry for leaving with Bucky. WAIT, but didn't they try to kill you? Jesus Christ." Tony stood to give him a hug. Steve sighed against him, and had to break it off sooner than later, so Tony could see him. 

"I may have been really stupid to trust them, but they weren't--I mean, no, they weren't..." 

"Yeah. Jesus. You're not stupid, people are just fucking slimey. I'm so sorry. Shit." 

"It was my heat. But, I wasn't thinking of getting bred. I'm mad. I thought I'd never get to have kids. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know." 

"What, are you asking me? Are you asking me what to do?" 

"Yes." 

"You only want one answer out of me." Tony said, and then squinted at Steve like he was going to read it off his face. Steve smiled, then laughed. "Listen, Bucky's already so weird about Soldier, and Odie probably is gonna take me up on the 'fly you somewhere' offer and never speak to us space-pirates again, and we can't really do anything about them. But if you're gonna expect help from your pack to raise it, then I'm gonna have to dad-up. I'm so young."

"See?" Steve said. 

"You gonna go around telling people it's mine?"

"Probably. I'm not gonna go around telling people."

"I can get you on TMZ if you can get me ultrasounds."

Steve shoved him. "Alphaa."

"I kind of wanted to ask you about all that, but it's been slightly insane. I was worried you were so on because you were, you know. I know all of you don't always get along in perfect solidarity or whatever." Yeah, Tony, yeah, it's the omegas that are fighting with each other, that's how it usually is, yeah Tony, it's not you it's everyone else, yeah, uh-huh, yeah. "But you weren't being this totally crazy omega on pur--don't get MAD at me calling you crazy!"

"I kind of have a lot to think about." Steve smoothed out his face. I mean, it was smooth before! Just--just--TONY.

"Alright. Is one of those things J. B. Barnes?"

"Yes." Stupid to miss people who are already there.

"Waiting for him to call you pretty and whisk you away to early retirement?"

"I'll retire for a little while. The main thing I'm thinking about is SHIELD."

"Yeah, okay."

"I keep losing people."

"Aw." Tony said, and hugged him again, rubbing his back. Steve clung to him.

"I know I'm supposed to keep moving forward. Where am I even going."

"You're trying to make the world better. You're still fighting Hydra--we can still fight. You're getting him back, firstly, you at least have him back, no matter what kind of him it is you're gonna get. I don't know what to think of him knowing the end of the story. Him _knowing_."

"Is that how it works?" Steve argued. "There's no one decision."

"Decision, yeah." Tony said, chewing it over.

"I don't want to choose between you and him." Steve whimpered.

"Oh, I got some great news for you. He already chose both of us" Tony glanced back at his screen. "How was Earth, nice, right?"

"There's more than one background on Earth." Steve said, like Tony was pulling teeth trying to get him to admit that he really really loved Earth.

"Oh come on, this ship is pretty. We picked a great get-away ship."

"Yeah." Steve shrugged and ran his finger-tips along the edge of the control panel.

"And just think of the UV light from the fish-tank. I'll make all the controls glow. Anyways! Just be yourself. Real self, not Cap."

"Thanks."

"Oh wait, nevermind. You hormone monster, you can be whoever you want."

"Whatever. Sorry for being so clingy."

"Well, if you say it like that, then I'm the asshole. Be an omega with super fast hands."

"That's who I was before I even presented."

"Oh yeah, huh? No more fights, only arguments."

"Boo." At least now people couldn't hit Steve back, not that he would have cared otherwise.


	19. Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve sticks around... Mild D/s...

"Oh, do you not want to talk about something so serious right now?" Steve looked at him. "Something more pressing on your mind? I could use a distraction." He said, and Tony was looking at him like he was the prettiest thing ever. Steve looked back at him. "Hey. What DO you think I sound like?" Steve said.

Tony smiled, corners of his eyes crinkling a little. "Well I was a baby in college--I mean literally, you know. So I'm kind of a connoisseur."

Oh, they've had this conversation before. Voice connoisseur, it's all coming back. "Alright, never mind." Steve was already hot enough, he didn't need give Tony a free chance to insult him.

"Aw. Don't ask questions you're not prepared for the answers to." Tony pressed his lips to Steve's neck.

"It's don't ask questions you're don't _know_ the answers to. When it's lawyers."

"Smartass." Tony said, sucking on his neck, slipping a knee between Steve's, and he wrapped a leg around Tony's back.

"Are you gonna," Tony mouthed down Steve's collar bone.

"Don't ask or it's weird." Steve pulled his hips down closer and ground against him.

"Mmm. But are you gonna stay for when I'm actually rutting."

"Yeah, duh." Steve reached down, but Tony caught his wrists.

"Pants tight?"

"Yeah."

"Huh?" Tony kept moving against him.

"Yes." Steve nodded. Tony reached and felt how achingly hard Steve was, and unbuttoned his pants. Steve bit his lip. Tony gave him a squeeze and he whimpered.

"Oh just look at you." They got naked and Tony nudged Steve to cross his wrists above his head. "So beautiful."

"Yeah, yeah." Steve said.

"What are you doing rolling those things at me."

Steve smiled, pouting his bottom lip out.

"Mmm..." Tony reached to stroke Steve, and moved his hips lower to tease his hole. He slid in and Steve groaned.

Steve could make all the noise he wanted and Tony would barely notice. The lounge they were on was bouncing slightly under them, I mean the soft part was, and it was making a little high pitched squeal. Tony moved his hand down Steve's stomach to his hip so he was holding him with both hands, thumbs on Steve's skin almost ticklishly. Tony was hitting a great angle, and Steve was moaning and keening and pushing back against him. His pre-rut was making him a little rough, but that's why Steve was here. For him. Tony watched him, fond eyes drinking him in in when he wasn't leaving marks on his neck and collar bone.

After that, he almost felt tired, and finally he felt heavy and real against Tony and the couch. Tony pulled him close, kissing him and rubbing his face against Steve's. They were practically the same person. 

Tony pulled away when he could, and laid next to Steve. "The shower sucks." His arm was against Steve's clammy back.

"Shower? Let me finish you off first. Here." Steve said, and Tony moved his junk out of the way. Steve liked his pre-ruts, when Tony was edging it, fighting, desperate but not completely feral, hips rocking, grabbing the back of Steve's head but not pushing too hard. He could make all the noise he wanted, also, praising and urging Steve and moaning and hissing.

"Okay, now let's really think."

Steve tangled his legs with Tony. "Maternity is 12 weeks."

"You can take more time. We've got some pretty competent guys."

"Oh good. I'm so tired."

"Or you could make Bucky stay-at-home and live out your 50's fantasy I know you have."

"I don't know about Bucky."

"Yeah, CPS is probably gonna catch on that the Winter Soldier is running his baby on military time sooner than later."

"I guess."

"I guess we'll take it one day at a time." Tony traced his hand up from Steve's thigh to his stomach, and rubbed it in idle circles. 

"I think that's what Bucky said."

"No, I said it. He must have stolen it from me."

"No, I think you guys are just both smart. You can't really plan ahead,"

"It's fine. We're gonna be fine, he/she/they's gonna be fine."

The circles he was petting were getting lopsided, and Steve's dick twitched as Tony's hand got lower.


	20. Park

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're skipping Tony's rut sorry I said Steve would be there I never said the narrator would.

\--The Shortest Possible Time Skip We Can Budget But Is Steve Showing Yet?!--

"I do have places to BE." Odie was grumbling, in a car, on Earth. "They'll be so worried."

"Who, those girls you've been texting and snapping 24/7?"

"YES, those exact girls, they think you are all stupid and evil. They're saying you two couldn't heal if I cut you into pieces."

"I'm not a gun, I'm the Iron Giant." Bucky said, and Tony and Sam giggled. Soldier kicked his feet.

"I hate you." 

"Are they, uh, on Big Ant Planet." Steve said.

"Yes."

"And that's where you're wanting to go." Steve said.

"Whatever."

"Steve thinks Big Ant Planet is cheap and also as a Catholic he thinks its the hallowed out egg of some kind of space-creature. Like a squid or something." Bucky said.

"Always squids, huh." Tony said. Steve swatted at him.

"Steve can stuff it. How much does he think I make a year? You can stuff it too."

"Oh come on." Tony threw his hands up. "You know they just mean it's dangerous since its economy is way down, but I could buy the damned thing." 

"I don't care about the economy on Big Ant Planet. Earth's economy isn't good either. Very high cost of living compared to quality of life." Odie said.

"Alexa." Bucky said, and looked around suspiciously.

"You're being a dick right now." Tony said, on his phone.

"We shouldn't cuss in front of Odie." Steve said.

"Here, look, Big Ant Planet has almost the same quality of life as Earth. So, you're not missing out on anything by living here." Tony said.

"I guess we'll think about it."

"This place is outrageous. So beautiful and colorful." Steve murmured.

"This is Earth." Tony said. This is a park.

"Cute play structure." Sam said.

"Fucking over this." Bucky grunted. Okay, he didn't say anything at all, he just grunted with his face all mean looking.

"Fucking over this." Odie grumbled.

"Don't be rude." Bucky got in a fight with her.

"Want to watch him?" Steve said to Tony. 

"Sure." Tony took Soldier.

"Yes!" Steve said, and started chasing Sam around. The gym was fine, but Steve wouldn't wake up early for it the way he would to watch geese with Sam.

"Oh my God." Sam laughed and dove onto the grass. Soldier reached for him. Steve sat with Tony and Sam layed his head on Steve's thigh. Steve put his hand on the side of Sam's face.

"I still got it."

"Whatever." Sam said, picking up Soldier's rattle. Soldier had stuff to carry around, now. "Here, give me him." Tony passed Sam the baby, and he put him on his chest. "Hi." Sam said to Soldier, who smiled. "He's old enough to walk, right?"

"Earth gravity sucks!!!" Odie said, hanging upsidedown from a bar at the play-structure while Bucky did pull-ups next to her.

"You're doing it wrong!" Tony called back.

Sam sat up, getting Soldier to hold his hand, hoisting him up so his feet could land on Sam's knee. When he let Soldier hold a little of his own weight, his knees bent. "No, hold your head up. Hold your head up. There you go." Sam said, when Tony pushed the back of the baby's head.

Sam took him back and held him in the air and he kicked and wiggled and rattled. "Go, go, go!" Then he put Soldier in the grass, and Soldier, well, stopped wiggling. Sam put him in his lap and picked a piece of grass for him to hold.

There were weird little pine cones and curled up leaves under the tree, and the shade didn't really do much, but the park was nice and bright. Steve got distracted and grabbed a pine-thing to look at. I mean what the hell is this, it's like a caterpiller. 

"I'm glad Odie's sticking around." Sam said. 

"Yeah. I was thinking she would take the StarClimber." Tony said.

"She's pretty awkward, though." Sam said. 

"Hey, is Odie driving you guys crazy? I'd go nuts. _That's why I'm an omniglot._ "

"Oui? She won't talk to me. But, she's making it feel like my fault she doesn't know sign. She yelled at me last night for catching her eating a cookie."

Odie came over. Aaaaah. "For the last time, it wasn't about the cookie. If you omegas gossip about me alone, I'll make Bucky tell me and then I'll kill all of you." She left.

"She is pretty small, come to think of it." Tony muttered.

"Well, she's young." Steve said. 

"I guess."

"She came to me to say Frank Sinatra is generic but Jim Nabors is funny." Steve said. "I don't know if she was trying to get under my skin or not."

"Who's Jim Nabors."

"He was a singer. And an actor. He was on Leave it to Beaver, I guess, which is on my list, you know? Gomer Pyle is funny though."

"Gomer Pyle, yeah!" Bucky said on the jungle-gym. Sam elbowed Steve.

.

"Hey, Steve. Look." Tony held his phone out. 

SNAKE CONFIRMED WITH SSBB SOLDIER BABY IS CHILD JAIL THE WINTER LA CROIX LA CROIX. Steve read to himself off Tony's Twitter tab. 

"Yeah, someone got a picture of Bucky but he looks fucked up still I guess. I can't tell since you always look like that, dad. Twitter is not a fan of ex-assassin holding a baby." 

"Sometimes when it's windy and I've been doing a lot of traveling, and I'm holding him, I look slightly bedraggled." Bucky admitted. 

"How much traveling have you been doing??" Steve said. "The background of the photo looks like a cartoon castle. What are we supposed to do?" Steve said. 

"Put sunglasses on Soldier, and a hat on Bucky. Put Bucky on the news and convince the public that, eh, even though he's committed war crimes, Winter Soldier Baby Is NOT Child Abuse. That's what that means. Get Bucky a blue check mark. See how the Times has one?" 

"I know how Twitter WORKS, I just. Don't like it..." Steve said. 

"Oh, just ignore the jail part. Wait, what am I saying, babies aren't very facially differentiated, Soldier can chill, put reading glasses on Bucky. I think it would be cute to get BuckyBarnesBackBaby trending as long as he's not associated with murder. You know, Bucky's right, that might not even be him." 

"Let me see." Bucky took the phone from Steve. 

"Are you okay?" Steve said to Tony. 

"Hmm, well he has my nose and eyes." Bucky decided. 

"Soldier is the one who's still alive." Tony said. "We do not need the media following his whole childhood like that. I mean. I bet people are like, from this one picture, I know the, I know the Winter Solider doesn't feed or talk to or play with this little angel. I know the Winter Soldier is feeding him garbage and tin cans. They do it all the time." 

"Hmm." 

"Will you stan me now, Steve?" Bucky said. 

"Yes. I will stan you, and be your best friend."


	21. Disney

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They go to Disney and that's where Bucky is.

"Hey, should we go to Disney before we leave?" Steve said.

Steve was at a bench, trying to people-watch for sport and keeping an eye on the pack, who were at the end of a line that trailed way out of the enterance of Splash Mountain or something. Odie and Sam were great, having fun, and Odie was leading them around the park like she was allergic to both maps and planning ahead. Tony and Soldier were fussy and being in an amusement park didn't help them very much. The faster Odie got tired and faster they could have dinner and shower. The park was packed because they'd just gotten here after an hour or two of arguing about it and having cupcakes for breakfast. Bucky was here too, but it's not as cute to call him fussy as it is to call Tony that. But they were all being good sports except Steve who didn't have to do anything except the Jungle Cruise and Country Bears and making funny faces at Soldier to make him smile, and making funny faces at Odie to make her stop trying to hack Disneyworld. Hacking is what you call climbing on fences and harrassing characters when you are old enough to know better.

Steve was watching Bucky and Sam arguing, but he hadn't been processing it that way until just now.

"I don't get my socks wet for fun." Bucky signed, big and crabby, on his way over to stand in front of Steve. He dropped his hands. "Sunlight, moves upon my skin. Wake up and I'm next to you, but I wish that I was next to him. Looks like this could be the end. Know that you'll be alright. Maybe one day we'll be friends, but you know me, I'm not that good at goodbyes. Sometimes it's best to just fly. Ask where we're going, oh I can't talk about it, can't talk about it, 'cause I'm just goin' to the store, to the store. I'm just goin' to the store. You might not see me anymore, anymore. I'm just goin' to the store. Don't cry. I can't play pretend. Wish it hadn't come to this, but you know there's some things you can't mend. I'm just going to the store. I'm just going to the store."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. You want anything?"

"Yes, Bucky." Steve said stubbornly.

"What?"

"I don't know."

"Well, I'll follow you on Twitter or something, when I get where I need to be. DM me."

"Well don't leave me alone." Steve said, and Bucky did look a little guilty, and it made Steve mad again.

Bucky's face crumpled up and his breathing was hoarse and unsteady. Steve jumped up, Soldier lurched in his arms. Bucky moved away, and gravity pulled Steve back to the bench on his butt and right elbow. Steve got up like he had two feet firmly planted, and Bucky gave in and hugged him, wrapping both arms around him, minding Soldier, and Steve patted his back and then didn't let him go until Bucky jerked away from him. 

"Follow me on Twitter or I'll come and get you." Steve said.

"No, I come get you."

"No, it was your turn last time. I'll find you. I won't let you out of my sight."

"Christ Rogers, you really do fight." Bucky fled.

"Girl..." Someone said.

Soldier kicked his heel on Steve's thigh, and Steve almost threw him in surprise. "He left you with me." Steve said, and murmured that a couple more times.

The pack stumbled down the steps of the exit of the ride.

"What's wrong, something's wrong." Tony said, and everybody huddled around Steve.

"Don't--no. It's--no. Was it fun?"

"Yeah it was fine." Tony said dismissively.

"What happened." Sam said, sitting with him.

"He. Bucky left. He left."

"Oh."

"Why?" Odie said.

What kind of question is that...

"We done for the day?" Tony helped him off the bench.

"I might go. You guys should stay."

Tony beared his teeth for a second. "Is that what you want?"

"Feel like we wasted all morning fighting over this," Steve began, and Sam shook his head, "And now, I'm, I. I mean I can watch our stuff, that I can do, that's all I needed to do."

"I think we're going." Tony said.

Steve looked at Odie, who was looking at Soldier. "He left Soldier."

"He said goodbye." Steve told them. "He didn't just kiss me and slip out." He looked at them like it was a question.

* * *

The crowds now, collectively, seemed meanly aware of them, seemed to become dense when they needed to pass, and always walked the opposite direction from them. Odie was shutting down, trailing Steve, hand not limp but not gripping, Sam was withdrawn and walking like a frog crossing a highway, and Tony was growling and sniping at people. 

Bucky was in a shady spot, very obscured, but Steve jumped when he noticed him. 

"Steve." Odie said.

Bucky jumped when he noticed being noticed, and weaved over, the perfect foil to everyone's discrete panic attacks, and hugged him, shoving his shoulder against his neck, with one hand. He squeezed him and hid his face, the hat we was wearing fell off and headbutted his cheekbone and rubbed like he was trying to break Steve's neck. He smelled like sour sweat, his hair was limp, and he had bandana, and it was him. "Steve. Steve. Jesus Christ."

"Drama queens. You really got him." Tony said.

"Wasn't me." Bucky eased up a little, notching his chin on Steve's shoulder, but didn't let him go. Steve tried to shuffle around so he couldn't let Soldier slip.

Tony stuttered at Bucky. Was too.

Now, Bucky pushed Steve out of the way and he collided with Tony, who caught him and tried to help him get his feet, but Bucky shoeed him.

Bucky was looking at Sam. Also he was holding another baby. Steve was like, stop tricking me into squishing invisible babies! Who is that! "Hi."

"Hi?"

"Uhh." Bucky looked at Odie, and did a triple take with an uncomfortable caught-out look in the middle. "Odie."

Odie looked at him like she was unimpressed.

"Cut your hair, sell-out." Bucky said, giving her a hug and then picked up his hat. "You know, the Smithsonian, which is the Disneyworld of Presidents, wrote an article about you?" Odie was like, I hate you, you are embarrassingly unfunny. "They put it on the wall they said 'French Baby Hits Head, Wakes Up Speaking, Perfect.' You know what?" Bucky said to her, then his head snapped to Soldier.

"Oh that's kind of a shitty move. What he do, notice me and then just run away? Junior look, that's you." Bucky swung his baby closer to Soldier, and they both looked like seeing each other was really truly fucking them up. "Yeah that's you, Jr. 2. Imagine that." Bucky taunted his baby, letting him hide against him. He gave Steve a snotty look. "Soldier." And then gave him that same look from when he was trying to kill him, the one that really, really, REALLY made Steve want to fight back. Then he looked a little lower, at his stomach. ""What the fuck." 

"You can ask questions." Steve blurted. 

"Oh, you want me to ask you questions about Crossbones in the middle of Disney?" Bucky said. NO. "Why the hell do you have the same baby as me. You realize that's my same baby."

Soldier swayed at the attention, and Steve shuffled him and his big head. He had to answer that, or Bucky wouldn't trust him with questions. "Aliens... Oh God." Steve is so stupid. Steve is so fucking stupid. Why would Steve even give Bucky the time of day. How selfish to torture a clone! How could Bucky ever be himself if he wasn't even himself? Oh my God Bucky is dead. Maybe he really did fall to his death. That's not any better than--that's better than going to Hydra. But not better than surviving somehow please God. "WHY DO YOU _HAVE_ BABY."

"Eeee. Errrrr. Well, it's easier to kill people. If you have a sleeping baby. The dreams." Bucky said unwillinging, then flippant. "You don't remember it. Don't laugh." And that made Odie laugh. "This kid."

Bucky pulled on Junior's sleeves up so he could remember he had a silly costume on and shake his fists in rage. "I been here a couple weeks, yessss. Isn't he cute? He likes dark colors, he likes the ears, he's a little bit obsessed with Disney, but it isn't my fault, I just ended up here (I'm kidding, I pulled into Canavaral,) and got lost and turned into a cat. I'm a cat! I'm a cat!" He said, playing with Jr., who shreiked and giggled and wiggled. "I'm a cat! That other guy, I kind of want to talk to him. It's not your fault he's a nutcase. What are you doing, am I not allowed to say nutcase? What are you doing? I think they just built his brain wrong. A real person can change, you know? But your DNA."

"What?" Steve said weakly.

"I can take care of myself, that's why I have Junior in the first place. Listen." Bucky finally stopped talking for a second, and Steve was like, what? What am I hearing? A plane? Bomb? "Well you can't put me on the spot." He said, and Tony snorted.

"We're not trying to." Sam said. "We're just glad you're here."

Bucky smiled, wide sincere and a little sad. He moved, and Sam closed the gap to give him a quick hug, and Junior grabbed his shirt. "Pact is sealed, we have to be stuck together like this forever." Bucky pried Junior off Sam while he chuckled.

"So, are we going to Galaxy's Edge or Space Mountain? Lunch?" Bucky said.

"Don't be such an asshole!" So the Bucky that Steve thought was hovering bashfully, was hovering irreverantly, under a tree. Oh my God. Not to be ungrateful, but, two of them?

Bucky, startled by his shout, shot a couple dozen feet into the air, and landed and mused to himself, It's been cloudy literally ever day since I got here, and fuck could I use a cold beer. Steve laughed at him, just once before he bite it back, I swear, it was for the basking-in-the-wonderous-feeling-of-getting-heckled-by-your-own-coward-self look, not the flinch. 

There was this thing, before Bucky's other-half had crashed landed into their dock, that Steve had convinced himself of. That he would not get a twenty-year-old out of Bucky, if he could even ever find him in the galaxies. 

"Aw, what's wrong?" Bucky said, shuffling Junior to give Steve a better, less feral hug.

"You're smiling."

"Yeah, I was thinking how funny it would be if I looked at him and said who the hell is that, but you can't say stuff like that in Disney. If I get one eyeball on me, they'll say, finally got that homeless dad. Speaking of, what, are we leaving? You're not gonna let me give you the JC tour?"

"I'm hungry." Steve said.

"What do want?" Tony said.

"Space, uh, space burger."

"Cosmic Rays." Bucky smiled wisely and started walking. Steve followed immediately while the pack shuffled their feet. Bucky pulled a smartphone out of his back pocket and started tapping away on it.

"I don't understand." Steve said.

"You're gonna drive me bananas, lady."

"What am I doing?"

"You want me to guess what you mean. I don't have time to figure out what you're gonna d-do. What don't you get? There's only so many restaurants in Tomorrowland with burgers. There's a hot dogs one. I know so much about Disney World because I mean where the fuck else am I supposed to go, New York? Like you guys would just be in New York? In Brooklyn? I missed you--MISSED you--you were in Carloina before I could clear Jacksonville, and then since you made Natasha drive she kept fucking losing me."

"Aw... You were following us?"

"Duh."

Soldier jumped. Steve had to base-slide to avoid letting his head on the concrete, after hesitating for a half-second he would have been thinking about for a long time if something had happened. Soldier held still in his lap.

"Move your head. Sit up." Bucky commanded, crouching with them. Junior was like, huh? Where am I moving it? "You're fine. You're alright. You're good.

"What happened." Sam and Tony caught up to them.

"I think we're okay. Soldier fell."

"Back off, sweetie." Bucky said. "Not you."

Steve grabbed Soldier under the arms and leaned him against his chest. "You're okay, stop it." Bucky said. "Stop." He stuck his hand out. "Give me an other one."

"What?"

His voice softened up. "What do you like, animals? Cars? Animal cars? Yeah, s'okay."

"Is everything okay?" A guest services person hovered over Steve, who got, he got one foot sort of under him. Bucky stood and reached for him, but Tony was faster, grabbed his hand, and pulled him up.

"Just took a spill." Bucky said, body almost fully turned away from her, eyes on Soldier. "Do you have something cold?"

"Uh," She asked her walkie talkie for a cup of water.

Bucky was like, wait what the fuck am I supposed to do with this? And handed an ice cube to Soldier into his little hands, and then Bucky cupped his big hands under Soldier's so when he dropped the ice it wasn't a problem. Soldier really wanted to eat the ice but it was too cold so he spat it out and looked at Bucky. Steve felt so bad that there wasn't warm ice. Junior swatted at the cup and Bucky and Steve got wet welcome to Splash Mountain.


	22. McDonald's

"You guys let Odie cry but not Soldier?" Bucky said, in line to order, while Sam cooed at Soldier who was in his arms touching the collar of his shirt. To be fair to Soldier, the collar was a different texture from the rest of it, which is very interesting, probably the most interesting thing ever.

"Huh?? We want Soldier to make noise."

"I get it though. It's hard. I guarantee if we switched places, you'd have him asking for juice in, uh, few days maybe."

"He's old enough to use sentences?"

"Oh, I don't know about that, but he is old. Can't put a talking baby on the field, Hydra." Bucky said. "I mean he's supposed to be asleep. Babies get to a certain age, and you can't make them sleep during the day for a miblion dollars. Yeah, I'm old too, okay?" He bounced Junior.

Steve watched Sam and Soldier. 

"I want one of these."

"What?" Steve glanced at Tony.

"What if there was a better version of Disney? What if I made a Disney but was serious about it this time?"

"Whatever." 

"They already have that, but it's in California, and it's purple not blue." Bucky said. "Yeah, I'm mad because I'm a cowboy. They have uncrustibles they just put it on a plate. Oh!! That's not gonna work on you!" Bucky smiled and taunted Steve into swiping at him, and they started fighting. "Chicken nuggets. Falaffel. Macaroni on a burger." Bucky got distracted and stopped being fun to fight. "I like Frozen." Bucky said. "I'm fucking going to fight myself in Disney." Bucky said. "Normal is a setting... on a computer." 

Odie laughed. I'm glad at least Odie is having fun, because the adults' faces were shock, horror, and pity.

"I'm not allowed to like Frozen? I can't be hip and up on the new Disneys? I'm only allowed to like Felix the cat?" Bucky grabbed Odie's hand and looked at Steve expectantly, whom he'd been ignoring since macaroni on a burger.

"Ah, uh, macaroni on a burger?" Steve was like, tell me about that, Mr. Barnes, and Bucky laughed, and Steve wanted to cry again because he did actually seem happy and Steve was so lucky and definitely dreaming. Bucky looked him blankly for a second.

"Yeah. Macaroni and bacon I think. Sorry. Hey, did you guys hear about the three legged pig?"

"No." Tony said.

"So this farmer had a pig, and he saved the chickens from a fox and he saved the ducks from the dogs and he saved Dorothy and all the lions and witches and wardrobes and he refinanced the farmer's farmhouse and you're not gonna eat a pig like that all at once." Bucky said. "We are close to ordering. Steve."

"Huh? Uh, macaroni burger and chicken nuggets."

"Alright. The baby likes sugar water. I'm on formula. My baby. Is on formula. Really masked-off there, yessss." 

"Why are you talking like that." Tony asked as bluntly as humanly possible.

"Overwhelmed."

They ordered, and then Steve took over for Bucky, because he didn't know where he was supposed to go or do or what and what is the salad bar and where is the singing alien and what's outside and where is Odie, oh god where is Odie, we lost Odie, she ran away and she's going to get kidnapped by actual bad people this time not just Tony and Bucky oh what kind of world are they in.

"Steve. Steve." Tony said. "You lost us. I mean literally. You stopped walking. What day is it?"

"Tuesday."

"What time is it?"

"Why are you asking hard ones? It's... 5 in the afternoon!" It's night time already?! They made it a whole DAY IN DISNEY with only one meltdown and it was Steve's?

"We got our food." Tony pushed his cheek against Steve's. "Oh, you're fine." Tony said, and Steve kissed him.

"GROSS." Said Odie. 

"Oh God, there you are."

After lunch, they LEFT, because it was getting so late. Steve was still fidgety, and Bucky and Tony were arguing about Odie, in a funny way where Odie was walking in front of them playing with her hair and listeningly carefully God damn I can't believe Bucky swapped himself out for one SO keyed up also what the FUCK that's so sad HOW COULD STEVE LET HIM DO THIS WE HAVE TO oh fuck there's the other Bucky leaning on a black sedan chewing on something what the fuck is he doing hey! hey! hey!!!!!! Get FUCKING back here, come here hey! I see you.

Steve squared his shoulders and ducked his head and dragged the Bucky who was walking with them deep into the parking lot, and Tony cursed behind him and stood there with his hands on his hips. Steve got them to a miserable, hot, quiet place in the parking lot.

"Come on, you know I'm not good at talking to you." Bucky whined, picking Steve up under his knees and walking across the parking lot with him bridal-style, dropping Junior onto Steve's stomach. "Haha."

For those keeping score, Steve had two babies on him and he was being carried. Soldier thought it was very funny how Steve was jiggling along with Bucky, Junior grabbed Steve's shirt with both hands like it was reins of a horse, and Soldier did kick him in the face, but it was an accident. But Steve's head was anchored against Bucky's arm, so the kick, like, was kind of jarring. "Put down, put," Steve said, and Bucky did, grabbing Junior, and Steve's eyes bugged out looking for a trash can. And then he was fine.

"Come on you pregnant mylar balloon." Bucky started pulling him along again after a long moment of neither of them doing anything.

"Hello Sam." Steve struggled to answer his phone with Soldier.

"Where are you?"

"Uh. Buena Vista."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Buck, where are we going? Bucky."

"McDonald's. Just anywhere."

"We just wanted being alone. Sss--uh--sorry."

"Mm-hm." Bucky said, reaching to touch Soldier's hand.

"Oh. Well, text us, I guess." Sam was annoyed, which was fair, and hung up.

They went to McDonald's and sat down. Bucky sighed and looked at Steve how he sometimes used to.

"I miss you so much." Steve squeaked. "But I don't know if you're real."

Bucky shrugged and put Junior on the table, holding his hands so he didn't have to put the effort to sit up right.

"You spoil them." Steve observed. "Buc--you used to make Odie say full sentences."

"You need five nice things for every scolding to convince a someone your not a stranger. Those babies have a right to hate me, what did I ever do for them? Fuck up and then get them in trouble. Killing people in front of them. Poisoning them." He picked Junior back up to just hold him.

"Do... Do you remember?"

"I ONLY remember three things about you. Dr. Censkoyabosco, Dot's legs, and that time we were in some place with ugly dirty grout and you took my arm and you rolled my sleeve up for me and I said I can do my own wardrobe and you said don't worry, let me do it for you and I remember... The way you were holding my arm and how steady your hand was. It didn't even hurt but I had to look at the disgusting grout floor to calm down. And you put my blood in a slide and had me look, and you yelled at me for trying to focus the microscope and you put your hand on top of mine. And you called me a pervert for being interested in the way any human blood looks up close not just my blood you asshole. And then god damn Dr. Konsk--Censcoyabosco." 

"Alright Boxy Brans, maybe I wouldn't teased you if you didn't get so worked up every time I touch you." Steve said. "Also, you were little mean about school."

"It sounds like you miss me." He said.

Steve laughed.

"Stop looking at me like that."

"I just miss you."

"You--"

"Hey are you two loitering or what? Get up here." A customer service representative smiled, leaning over their table.

"What do you want?" Bucky said to Steve. "Do you want anything, doll?"

"That doesn't work in this decade."

"A-ha, you're not the real Steve. The real Steve never let me do anything for him. In no decade."

"You're carrying it all back." Steve informed him sweetly. "You look like buffalo that got Sephora make-over.

"Hrmmph"

They both went up.

"Hi."

"Hi."

"May I have 5 hashbrowns... 4 Big Macs... one of those coffee chocolate thingies..."

In the gap where Bucky was waiting for Steve to keep going and Steve was waiting for Bucky to start, the CSR moved her confused stare at Steve to an impatient one at Bucky. "Yessss, 2 blended--" He started signing, too, "2 blended ice mocha frappes, large please, and... Is it you guys who do animal style food?"

"No, but we can still do it like that."

"Oh can you? It's copyrighted, isn't it?" Bucky said.

She smiled, not impatient anymore. "I think so. We can do it. It's a little extra."

"Okay, well I'm actually not hungry because I just had lunch." Bucky said, and probably enjoyed the look on Steve's face. "I meant to just get a milkshake. But no, thanks."

"Just one Big Mac and 5 hashbrowns. Actually." Steve said.

"Hold your horses, how bout 6 hashbrowns."

"Okay."

"That's gonna be 23,946.09." Economy is in Shamples...

I swear to God people say numbers faster to Steve than anyone else just because they think it's funny or something. "Alright." Steve got his card, but Bucky'd already handed the CSR some bills. "Bucky, come on." Steve ended up paying less than half.

"It's free money."

"Yeah, mine too, I was dead during back-pay." Steve said, stepping weird to get out of someone's way, and had that sick feeling again.

"Oh," Bucky said, like he was about to tease Steve for having been dead, but wasn't sure if he could actually say it. He could say anything, he could joke about anything, especially about Steve.

"Yeah, so maybe don't be worrying about it. You pick-pocket people?"

"Only weirdos. Is he mad at me?"

"No..." Steve took Tony's wallet when Bucky flashed it at him. "Oh no, how are we going to give this back to him if we're not in space?"

"Yeah, good luck with that." Bucky said. 

Before their food came up, Bucky went to the bathroom, and Steve almost followed him in. Then, they had to figure out how to juggle two drinks, two babies, and one bag. Bucky shrugged and handed Junior to Steve, going along with the carrying-everything plan. Two babies. Steve could do this. Oh no, oh no, oh God he can't, he can't. Oh God please no on Earth there's consequences for letting babies squirm out of your hand. Yes God, please stay there, just stay there. Dear God. Bucky grunted and put the food back on the counter. "Yeah our baby is crying and we're standing in front of the soda machine fountain." Bucky muttered, reaching for both of the babies, but only taking Junior. "Yeah, you were up late, huh? What did I tell you about going to sleep early? I said 'you're a baby.' But you wouldn't listen." 

"Is he gonna be okay?"

"Just do the backwards Lion King."

Oh, Bucky's probably talking about Soldier. "Hey, hey, hey." He held Soldier under the armpits so he could get some wiggles out. "I'm sorry, yeah."

"Come on!" Bucky said, raising his voice over Junior, grabbing a drink and the bag. Steve flipped and tucked Soldier, took the other drink, hurried out, ducking his head at the person who grabbed the door for them. He was too tender, after crying about Bucky leaving earlier.

"I'm not good at this. Can't I give him back. You, he, you, he already got mad at me for this." Soldier was probably just as upset as Junior, and where Junior was making himself more upset by screaming more than breathing, Soldier was probably feeling more alone every second Steve had ignored him, and then being upset he couldn't stop being upset on his own of course he can't he's a baby he's supposed to be comforted.

"No, come on." Bucky said, setting his share of the food down. "Trade me again. Just ignore him, he's gonna be fine." Steve took Junior, who started screaming again. "Yeah. You're gonna be fine too. We need to find you a better name. Buck. What you got the crew calling me?"

"Me? I just called you Bucky." 

"But it didn't stick?" Bucky asked Soldier. "Did it stick, Bucky? Is that you, are you Bucky too? Can't one of you understand James is a perfectly good way to still be Junior? Why you both have to be Junior, how do you think that reflects on me. How do you think? Aren't you tired of being nice? Don't you just want to go apeshit? Dont' you? Huh? Steve, hold him normally."

Steve relaxed his vice-grip a little and supported Junior's hindquarters. "He's still crying."

"He's just mad about Soldier and he doesn't know you."

"When did that start?"

Bucky gave him a serious look for a second. "You really are the mission I failed, huh?"

"I didn't mean to change, Bucky. You're not supposed to have that be stick out memory." 

"Oh, I do have more memories than getting stuck by you in that lab. You just want me to remember your novel of a crusade against the vice principal at your school, or something, huh?" Bucky said. "Oh? Were you really thinking of that one? See, I'm already good at reading your face. Alright, trade with me. It's not gonna calm him down." Bucky was talking louder now that Junior was in his ear, leading Steve down the ramp and across the drive through. "It's called reaction formation."

Steve texted Sam. The walk over was terrible, they were like camels, Steve was literally like a camel with his stomach, waddling and carrying babies and coffees on the sidewalk that was baking. The other Bucky couldn't even hide that well. Should come here and help them! They made it to the train-tracks before a black car pulled up to them.

"Hey." Tony grinned at them from the seductively dark interior of the town car.

Steve sighed. Sam reached for Soldier, and Steve lwas so thankful. 

"He's--he." Steve said, handing him over. When was he not? 

"He's just tired. Aren't you tired? Do you like sleeping at night on earth? Where you going? Is that good?"

"I got a large sweet coffee for a smart alec." He handed Odie the sweating melting coffee with no napkins. Steve looked back at Soldier, who Sam was shifting from arm to arm. "Here, alpha, have some melting ice." Bucky'd taken two sips out of the other one.

"What, too much processed sugar?" 

"Maybe." 

"We also accidentally got hash-browns. Want one?"

Sam made a funny face.

"We're in Disney." Steve tempted him.

"Fine." Sam took it.

"You?"

Odie also paused before taking it, but then she took it gingerly. "Why thank-you, Captain."

"You are so welcome, alpha." Steve replied stiffly, and Odie giggled.

"No. No." Bucky said when Odie tried to give him her 2/3 eaten hash-brown.

"I'm allergic." She said.

Steve and Sam expressed doubt at the same time. If it was 3/4, maybe...

"I've been told I need to use a firmer hand to you." Bucky said.

Odie looked at him like she knew it would never happen and Bucky would even eat her food for her if she absolutely had to have that. Tony and Sam smiled. 

"So, don't tell me you were in your biker trench-coat and that hair in central Florida." Tony said.

Bucky preened. "I did for a little while. Nobody blinked. Having a baby is the perfect disguise. Guy in leather and tac pants with long hair--rock-and-roll dad. Guy in tee-shirt and jeans with bun--young dad. Guy whose been in this park for days--dad who's been in this park for hours, with a baby. No one would think an agent would be carrying a baby in the open. You know I can make--tell--trigger-- him to just start screaming? You gotta do that if you're in public long enough and then pretend like you don't speak baby."

Sam cradled him tight.

"Tony got one with an indoor pool, we can still--we can _see_ \--if you still have it, in there, if we can scare the civs out. And we _can_ scare the civs out." Bucky informed Odie, who smiled like she'd gotten something she wanted. "Hey, Soldier." Bucky said. He wouldn't. "Will you talk for us? Please would you talk to us?" 

"Koh..." Soldier said quietly, and tried to wriggled out of Steve's arms, so he flipped him to his elbow.

"Koh!" Junior crowed, unwilling to be overlooked.

"He can talk." Steve observed proudly. "Is he upset now?"

"No. These kids have been bothering me non-stop. Ko this, ko that. I'm stranded in the middle of no where. There is no ko here. This is Flordida. This is Disney, not Target. He's upset, yeah, but not from talking. I'm telling you..."

"You need to go to Target?" Tony said. You need a Target? I can get you an entire Target.

"Yeah I need to go to Target. You all need a bottle and a nap, though."

"Hey Bucky? Why have you been here morphing from refuge soldier to exhausted cowboy dad here in Disney?"

"There's just so many people around here." Bucky made the 'I want a beer' face again, like he ate people's futures for fuel and was finally getting variety in his diet. "But, I miss the muzzle and stuff, sue me. The hat is just to finish off the look." 

"Oh... But, you left to try to find us when we were down here, and," 

"I saw a Hydra clerk in cargo shorts with his, like, 9 year old kid."

"You're okay." Steve forced out thickly when Bucky flicked him whale eyes without finishing his story. 

"I wanted to be a spy. I think they were going to let me... But I'm too stupid I was about to get down and lick his sneakers, then a toddler, just some toddler with two teeth, ran into me and I saw his parents and how paranoid they were that something would go wrong between me and him, me snatching him away or him bursting into tears in the middle of Disney. He didn't think he was lost, he was just running and I was standing there in a dream.

"I'm just saying." Bucky said. "It's not gonna take some magic words. I get too close, they have me back. Fucking nothing, helpless, useless."

"Fuck." Tony muttered.

"So, thanks." Bucky told him. "For not letting it happen earlier. Sorry, I shouldn't even have brought this up. I like crowds, big ones I can disappear into."

"Bucky! No, you're not helpless. I don't want you to worry about Hydra. That doesn't have to be your job, you deserve to feel safe, you don't have to do anything else--safe where you want to be, you know you'd rather be out of Hydra,"

"I don't always know that!"

"I'm listening! I'm trying to say it right. I'm sorry. You know right now, or you wouldn't be so scared. You knew once you noticed everyone else around you."

"Okay. Well, I can't fight, unless I'm really far away." Bucky switched to signing only, "And have someone keeping an eye on me who's not a baby--and no Clint. It's creepy that I'm in his head. Honestly. Knowing what he'll do."

"Hmmm." Sam was like, it's creepy to be in anybody's head, probably.

"There's me." Odie said. "Don't talk like I'm not here. I can fight."

"You're not gonna fight." Tony said. 

"You don't want to sit and snipe with me."

"Yes I do."

"Bucky." Steve complained. 

"Steve doesn't want you sniping with me, that's three of us. He wants you to kill close and straight-forward, because that's what your classically trained in."

"Classical." Odie rolled her eyes, smoothing out for Steve, "Can I have the shield?"

"You can see from his face that he needs to think that over." Bucky said.


	23. CYB

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky Fight

They made it back to the lobby in one piece. Bucky seemed star-struck that there was even a world outside of Disney, not that the hotel Tony'd gotten them was very much different from Disney.

"What are we gonna do about him?" Bucky said.

"Hm?" Sam said.

"Him." Bucky pointed, putting an arm around Sam's shoulder and shuffling him closer so they had the same eye-line. Steve remembered the old Bucky--I mean the Bucky from the ship. What a mistake. Steve had only made him worse. He felt so bad. How could he let Bucky leave when he needed looking after. Bucky was so protective of Soldier, and Steve was screwing everything up right in front of his face.

"Oh, is that you?" Steve said, looking into the snack-shop Bucky was pointing at, at a figure sucking up all light in there. "We should give Soldier back." His voice sounded weird.

"No." Bucky said, and Steve was surprised how definitive he was. "I'm--it's better for Soldier to have a pack. He'll learn to get what he wants. He'll see that you're trying to help."

"Or he'll just shrink down and let us do things to him."

"Really weird and morbid way to put that." Bucky gave them teeth and whale-eyes.

"I wanted to make sure you were okay so I made you let me give you check-up. I knew your blood was bad but I needed to know how."

"What?"

"Are you saying that the other you wants to keep an eye on us? And you're worried once we get to the room he won't be able to?" Sam said.

"Yeah. Wait--no. Unless he scales the wall to our window--fuck off Tony." Bucky cackled. "Listen I know you're worried about all us, but I don't need him shadowing me. I mean, how long do you guys want him in our room with us. Are we going back to Manhattan with him?" Bucky dragged the two omegas along when Tony got impatient. "Steve doesn't like him. I saw you watching his face when I pointed him out."

"Who me?" Sam said.

"You were watching Steve. Steve is afraid of Soldier."

"For the last time, I'm not scared of holding baby." Steve said. Maybe a little bit too meanly for it come off as the truth, but it was. "Bucky said. You said."

"Yeah, what's your problem?"

"You said how I screwed up when I was watching him and I just keep doing it and I feel so bad YOU, adult, could barely understand you were safe. I..."

"I'm telling you he'll get better, yeah."

"Well that's good." Sam said.

"You just said he wouldn't???"

"No, I meant him. Soldier has good DNA." Bucky said, hitting the elevator button for them.

"You have perfectly good DNA, too." Sam said.

"My memory isn't in my DNA. There's a Barnes gene, but not a Bucky gene."

"Okay. Well. I know it's stupid to have two of you, but I want to keep my eye on you, too!!" Steve yelled into the lobby even though Bucky'd already fled the gift-shop.

Tony glanced at him. 

"It's stupid to have two of me, but he wants to keep an eye on both of us." Bucky said, pointing at a big beta facing them from a bunch across from to a skinny androgynous omega with a suitcase with polka-dots. The elevator dinged, and Odie went in first.

"It's not stupid." Tony said, leaving off the second part of his sentence.

"Thank-you." Steve said to him. 

"Alright." Sam said. "Let's all sit down sometime."

"I'm real."

"You're both real." Steve grabbed Soldier's foot when the elevator rose, for no reason other than Soldier probably hadn't been in an elevator. He could get startled by the jump at the beginning, you know. 

Bucky looked at his shoes.

* * *

Odie unlocked the door and pushed it open.

"Thanks, little alpha."

"Don't bother."

The suite was very extravagant and Disney-ish, with a living room and everything. The first thing Steve did was call Natasha.

"Hey, what's up? Fun in the sun?"

"Uh. Um. Everyone's okay."

"Good." Natasha coaxed.

"There's two of him. Bucky has a clone. And Soldier."

"....And Soldier?"

"Yeah. I told you! I told Sam that we should look around."

"Hey." Sam said.

"Well. How did he get on Earth?"

"Bucky, how'd you get here?"

"I got a ship and just stopped thinking."

"Uh, uh." Steve translated into the phone.

"Alright, alright, I'll come over there."

"Is the world in danger?"

"Not if I can just talk to him."

"Wait wait. Uh."

"They're usually in the same place, Steve."

"Okay. Okay, thanks. See you. Miss you."

"See you soon. Mwuah!" Natasha hung up. I don't want to party, I want Natasha.

"Aliens make clones to communicate." Steve explained.

"Yeah." Bucky admitted. "I'm only here to seduce some omegas into space. For plot reasons."

"Not you."

"Yes me. And you're my first target--mission--go 'round. The aliens like your little wings." 

"What about the A?" 

"They hate the A. They hate triangles. Don't ask me, we're not the Borg." 

"If you say so." 

"Alpha. Hey. Hey. Can we get another room on this floor?"

"Sure, I guess." Tony said.

"Would you get me another room on this floor, please?" Steve was like, get up if you're so sure about it, come over and talk for me like a real man.

"Don't throw things at me." Tony whined when Bucky bounced his wallet off his head. "Incoming."

"I don't need your wallet, I need you." Steve caught it.

"Well don't stop throwing it." Sam said. "I'd take it."

"What's wrong?" Tony came over. 

"Nothing." Steve gave him the phone and Bucky started laughing.

"Hi, this is Steve Rogers." Tony said, and smiled when Steve punched him. "Yes, 1820. I was wondering if there is any way to get another room up here for tonight."

"Oh, nevermind, just--just any room." Steve said quickly. Yeah sure it would be nice if there was a 'better room' open for Tony to foot whoever was across the hall into, but it still sucks to have to pack up and move... in a hotel?? Steve, Captain America, could hardly imagine getting up from the bed, and this suite was weird.

"Yeah, that's perfect. Sure. Hang on." Tony said. "How's the left turn off the elevator?"

"Fine?"

"Nothing, like, across the hall?"

"No." Steve poked him.

Tony rolled his eyes at Steve. "No, no, 1890 is fine. Thanks so much."

Steve went down with Soldier to get the room key and apologize for booking last minute. The concierge took it on the chin because Steve had a cute baby.

"Bucky..." He said quietly in the hall.

"Quiet." Soldier signed.

"Aw! Yeah, I'm trying not to bother anyone, see those doors? There's people behind them." Steve bounced him, and then paced around the hallway. "Bucky..."

"Stop that." Bucky appeared and marched over to get Steve.

"I have a room for you it's on this floor but not the same hall is that okay? In case you wanted to, I mean, you don't have to stick aroun--that's too much for me to ask I--" Steve squeaked.

"It's fine. I'll take the room."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Can I come in with you?"

"Sure."

Bucky swiped the card against the door. It was a cute room. Bucky channel surfed, sitting on the bed next to Steve who was letting Soldier try to climb over his arm. "Is the bed okay?"

"Yeah, I was just being stupid." Bucky mumbled. "We should get him a little yoga ball to push around."

"Yeah."

Bucky took Soldier and followed Steve when he left. He paused to take in his surroundings when Steve held the suite door open for him.

"Hey... I brought Bucky." Steve announced.

"See? Conflict resolution." Tony said. "All it takes is a peace-offering."

"But--why does--why do you keep saying you don't have your memories? You remembered Dot and your sisters and the war. You can remember more, no matter how long it takes, it'll come." Steve urged.

Bucky shook his head. "You and Dot and Addie always come back to me somehow." He switched to something quieter, hunching up. "Everything else I know the same way I know about the Starks. I stole it from stuff that Tony heard. Not trying to remember that, myself."

"Whoof." Sam said.

"I know that stealing is wrong. It was getting to me with Dot, because when I got her name I was like oh, that's Dot, like, the person. I kept thinking about that, how it was all real, and I realized Dot was having thoughts back before I could follow them. That's just self pity."

"It's okay, Buck. You can steal as many memories as you want."

"But there's not many. They're not clear, obviously, they're all embellished. I don't even remember her face or scent, just her hair and how soft it was." Bucky squeaked. "And anyone who thinks about her except for you... will never remember her right."

"There's probably million Dots." Steve argued, kind of weakly because that's so sad God Bucky. "Dots kids' kids they might have pictures. Pictures?"

"Uh. Can you really..." Sam said, getting lost when Bucky harmonized with him. 

"Yeah. Please let me, Sam, I can't help it for one and for two it's eas--I'm barely a person when there's not people... There's a million of me also and I need them right now." Bucky ranted. "I need them more than the other one of me does, I'll never, never go back to normal, I never had a normal. All I have is her hair. I'm not the real Bucky." He worried.

"Hey!"

"Ow. Fuck." He picked up the TV remote that had bounced off his head, jumping to stab the other Bucky with his knee and also the remote.

"Uncle." Bucky pushed him off the bed like a plate of jello and rearranged Junior--Jesus--Steve lunged for the baby while Bucky sprung back on the bed to get back on top of himself with his fists balled. Steve tried to give Soldier to Sam, who was stunned but took the baby at the same time that both of Bucky twitched, he shuffled out the door that split the suite up.

"What--what?" Steve stuttered.

"Take Junior out, I don't need him learning to fight Soldier." "Can you take Junior too? I don't need him wanting to kill Soldier." Each Bucky said, one pinning the other. Steve rubbed his face.

"We're fighting because he said self-pity, and _kept on going._ Shut the fuck up and work on it." Bucky said.

"No. No, he's just grieving. Let yourselves grieve." Steve knocked on the suite door, and Odie pulled it open and slipped into the room, grabbing the top Bucky, pulling him to the floor--"Hey!"--and kicked him. 

Steve put Junior on his arm and fucking dropped him, barely keeping his head from hitting the floor with every super-reflex he had turning him into an electrified cat.

"Uh-oh. Are you okay? Don't cry--"

"Cry." The Bucky on the bed demanded, scooting on his butt to one end to look at the other Bucky.

"You can cry if you want, but I got you. I got you. Let's go play with your Dug." 

"Sorry." Odie announced the second Steve closed his mouth.

"Yes, yes, it's fine." Steve went to the other suite to figure out what had happened, and behind the door were cartoon fight sounds. Sam and Tony looked traumatized. Junior was stabbing a magna-doodle.

"Whatcha doing? Are you an artist?" Steve cooed, and Junior ignored him, but Soldier flapped his hand against his shoulder. "Where's--let's find your doggie."

"He wants to draw." The sunny-looking Bucky came back, with Odie following gloomily.

Steve went to the bar-top by the little kitchen and found a tiny coloring page of Minnie Mouse with 3 markers. "Don't eat these." He undid the plastic wrap for Soldier, who struggled with the lid of the red marker, so Steve carried him to the coffee table and opened all his markers and took the caps. "Nope, don't draw on the table, that's not our table. Let's draw on the paper. Let's draw on the paper." He coaxed.

"Bucky." Steve called, and then settled for the one he could see, except he didn't like what he was seeing. "Don't make that face. Go and fight in the parking lot."

"You brought him in here."

"I wasn't going to leave him in space."

"You know, I'm just like him. So you should be nice to him right now. He's bad at getting hit." Bucky's cold tone warmed up for Odie: "You were really fast, that was cool. Steve's probably gonna get mad at you for kicking him, though."

Steve growled getting the paper towels he needed, and went into the other room. He put Soldier on the floor with the Minnie on top of the paper towels, which immediately become a canvas for Soldier, challenging enough that Steve had to hold the edges for him.

"You look cute." Bucky said, sitting on the bed.

"I need," Steve said, and Soldier drew to the edge bumping against Steve's hand. "I need more hands." He said as Soldier picked up his marker and continued his line up Steve's arm. Bucky laughed.

"Is that a no-no?" Bucky said.

"Well, it will be in school." Steve gently pulled Soldier's hand and directed him to the Minnie.

"It's my body, I can let Odie beat me up if I want." Bucky addressed, I dunno, whatever the other Bucky was saying.

"I don't know about that. You okay?"

"I usually have that guy. People love that stuff, they call it tattoos sometimes. Soldier. I just need to get punched in the face a bunch of times, I'll get used to flying solo."

"Want me to help you with that?" Sam said.

"Yeah, sure, knock my teeth out sometime I'll buy you a drink."

"Aren't they so silly?" Steve asked Soldier.

The baby shooed at him.

"What, right now?" Sam said, when Bucky kept mugging and grinning at him.

"No, I'm just thirsty."

"Yeah, okay. Steve?"

"I'm busy getting my arm colored red." Steve said, and they laughed with him. "Don't forget a key."

"Yeah, yeah."


	24. Tunnel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Holes." Bucky said on the other side.  
> "Huh? Is it me?"
> 
> Steve washes Bucky's hair...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The REAL reason I wrote this fic...

"Can I get a luxurious person who's fine with my dick in here, please." Bucky hollered from the restroom in the evening.

Steve was like, ugh, it's always Tony. Tony was like hello??? Hello??

Steve went to the bathroom door on the quiet side, but then he got nervous.

"Goldtoes." Bucky said on the other side.

"Huh? Is it me? I don't know if y" Steve said. "Oh." He realized, at the same time that Bucky opened the door.

He was wearing Lion King boxers and scars wrinkled his thighs, stomach, and chest. His beard was scraggling. "Are you following me?" He pulled Steve in. "Just kidding, you're luxurious," Bucky said, like he was assuring Steve of a white-lie. "I need you to explain all the modern amenities with me, I'm serious."

"Buck, I swear, I w..." Steve promised fumblingly. "Is this okay?"

"Don't worry so much. If you want me to shower in sunglasses, you're the fucked up one." Bucky looked at his beautiful face in the mirror and pulled his boxers off and then got his ankles tangled in them. Steve sat on the toilet lid and looked carefully from his reflection to the bath/shower. "What's this?" Bucky threw a packet of bath salts over his shoulder at Steve.

Steve read it diligently, what it was, what it did, and what it was made out of, and who made it. "Bath salt."

"What?"

"Bath salt."

"What?"

"Bath."

"Quit staring at my ass and focus up. Is it good? What is it?"

"I'm not. It's cupcake batter flavor and it makes your skin soft."

"Once more with feeling."

"It's cupcake batter flavored and it _makes your skin soft_. Wait reverse that." Steve said. Of course they could make soft salt, it's the cupcake batter that Steve should be saying funny. "It's "cupcake batter flavored" AND it makes your skin soft." He said it gently, like he was leaning back to reach the bath faucet, said it like they were on vacation and Bucky should just dump it in. He only kept saying it because for once Bucky didn't seem annoyed with him, I mean maybe he was just the more patient one. But, there was a fragile bell curve of annoyance/patience that would make Steve think this was a prank, and Bucky just wasn't hitting it. Steve threw in a, "This is chemical junkfood, it's cheap, it does not smell like cucpcakes or even vanilla, or even salt, and it will dry out your skin and give you an infection," kind of reading for good measure.

Bucky laughed. "You like it." He threw a little shampoo at Steve and it hit his leg.

Were they starting over? Was he like this by design?

"Turn the bath on, you're wasting my time. Say again, mister captain doctor?"

Steve followed the first order, and then just handed the shampoo to Bucky and put the conditioner on the far end of the tub.

Air clicked on when the building sensed the warm bath water rising to fill the room. 

"It's not fair for you not to talk." Bucky sighed.

"You're not listening."

Bucky looked at him. "You understand." He said, slightly dismissive of Steve, mimicking his discouraged tone. 

Steve looked at the white tile floor. The floor wasn't disgusting. Bucky may have been misremembering it. I mean, in the memory. Steve had been in some disgusting motel rooms. Not this one.

"We're on vacation." Bucky said.

"You can't understand me, but you want me to be happy all the time? You're like some kind of alpha." Steve didn't look at Bucky to see if he thought that was funny, just sprinkled the bath salt in, and THEN looked. Bucky watched him, trying to figure out cause and effect. He made a face at Steve that was an awkward shrug with no shoulders.

"I guess I could confess things to you, but then I wouldn't be talking to you," Steve did the sign for signing. "It's both hands, you know. Signing. Back and forth."

Bucky sat on the edge of the tub and touched Steve's knee with his own.

"You wouldn't happen to have bomb in your heart? Or, arm?" Forgot which one it was. Tony! Alpha! Get in here and save us all.

Bucky smacked Steve's arm. "Stop worrying."

"That one was kind of serious..." And stupid. Steve couldn't bring himself to ask if the water would make Bucky short-circuit. So he turned it off.

Bucky got in. Steve handed him a wash cloth and a little circular bar of soap, which he'd neglected to unwrap for Bucky, whose hands were either wet, didn't have fingerprints, or both, and Bucky got the wrapper too wet for Steve to be able to open, so Steve had to just bite through the paper, and they laughed at each other. Bucky dunked his head and Steve willed himself not to look.

"You thought I looked like," Bucky said, "I had a reverse yellow-Jesus-halo-aura."

"No, you looked like your hair was alive in space."

"Let's go with yours."

"How did you know?"

"I trust you."

"Bucky."

Bucky twisted the cap of the shampoo. "This is shampoo, right?"

"Give it to me."

"It's not? God dammit Steve we were so close."

"It is too shampoo!" Steve said. "Sorry that was loud."

"It's shampoo. You want to do it." Bucky guessed then grinned at Steve's expression and accidentally splashed some water out. Steve put the mat out, edge right against the side of the tub. "Sorry." Bucky said.

"It's okay."

"What's the point of saying sorry." Bucky was like, I make you read the back of the shampoo 3 different takes like Shakespeare, and you don't have the decency to give me anything to work off when I ingratiate myself to you.

"It means you acknowledge you did something."

"I'm not a 2 year old."

"Sorry." Steve said, and Bucky grinned.

"Ass." Steve said. Tony does that trick too. Steve must be an open book, despite being hard to read. Steve got his hands wet, dipping them into Bucky's bath. He bumped Bucky's shoulder, and then rubbed it a little when he bared his neck.

Steve started working on the top of Bucky's head, and Bucky sighed and shut his eyes. Steve massaged the shampoo in, and Bucky hummed. Now the room was starting to smell a little bit of vanilla and butter. Bucky sat up so Steve could reach the back of his head, and Steve shuffled his knees so he was closer. Bucky stole a couple of glances at Steve intermittently between looking at the neon-colored water, and closed his eyes again. Steve combed through Bucky's wet hair, pulling it loose and gentle on top of his head and worked at the lather. Bucky sighed again.

"No privacy!" Tony swung the door open, holding two naked babies who started wiggling when they saw Steve and Bucky.

"Yay!" Bucky said saccharinely, and then had to jump half way out of the bath when Junior lurched like he was seriously gonna fall and crack his head on the side of the bath. He's not even the one that was in space...! Well.

"Ah, ah, ah! I'm not Steve, you can't pull that crap on me! I'm Iron Man!" Tony said, and then stepped all the way into the bathroom and just literally dropped the babies onto Bucky. Steve's heart clenched as Soldier fell.

Junior shrieked, and Soldier said, "Wheeuw!"

Bucky caught them without letting them hit the water, and they were like, 'We're keeping it that way!' grabbing his hair and beard and climbing on him. "Yay Soldier! Yeah, you like it. Yaaay!"

Tony and Steve cheered.

"Positive re-enforcement. We like when Soldier yells. We like when Soldier yells." Bucky dunked them both up to their necks and they slapped the top of the water. Nightmarish, it was going everywhere.

"Sor." Junior said. Soldier splashed him.

"We think it's alright when you yell." Bucky seemed the share the selfish and terrible fear Steve had that one day Soldier and Junior would start screaming and never stop, and scream in discomfort all night and scream to see how loud/annoying they could be, all day. We think it's alright. But maybe not 'good.'

Tony left and closed the door.

The boys went crazy and splashed out maybe half of the water in the tub, and Bucky was yelling and trying to keep their heads above the water but also make them be still. Steve took his shirt off and tried to help.

Someone knocked on the door.

"We're okay, we're not drowning!!" Bucky said. 

"Okay." Sam said from the other side.

"Anything you've been meaning to tell me?" Bucky said, scrubbing down Junior.

Well, he asked for it. "I'm sorry Bucky. You don't deserve any of this. You should be able to be normal--we--or whatever you want. We can--you can retire if you want to. You don't have to keep fighting them after all this time. They can't take me so I'll do it all for you. You earned a normal life a long time ago!"

"You're bred, you're not going out fighting anybody! I didn't earn nothing, I'll take it if you're offering, though. _Stop_ trying to drown your brother!" Bucky pulled the babies apart. "Wait, you can't offer me shit. Ask your alpha first."

"Careful or he'll buy you a house or something stupid like that."

"I can't believe you, by the way! Breaking up every pack I try to build around us and then you run off with some weirdo with a harem. You know he's a weirdo, right?"

"I mean." Steve said.

"You mean 'yeah Bucky but he's my weirdo'."

Steve looked at him. Bucky didn't shy away as much as he tried to look candid, looking down to the babies and washing behind their ears. "You're so into this parent stuff. You've been thinking about this since before you were born. A beta taking care of some kids. Put that on the fathers day card."

"You're adorable." Steve promised him, and got some water flicked at him in return, and the babies thought they should be splashing too.

* * *

"Hey Steve! Towel off and get in here." Tony said.

Steve raised his eyebrows expectantly when he came into the bedroom. Sam was laying against the pillows with Natasha on his chest, and Tony was sitting with Odie tucked under his arm.

"We got All Dogs 1, you stubborn d-bag."

"Get the Buckies." Natasha prompted.

"The Buckies." Steve smiled.

"Not coming in until you start it." Bucky announced at the door between suites.

"Oh fuck. Odie." Tony hit play.

"I'm not a baby." Odie grumbled.

"Opening credits." Tony announced.

"I know." Bucky said, coming in.

"Oh, where's..."

"He's still playing pool." Natasha moved to Steve's chest and Sam leaned against Bucky, holding Soldier. 

"He's what?" Steve said. She pushed her head back to rub cheeks with him, and that was nice. Natasha smelled sweet, not like cupcakes mind you, but a nice rich sweet with some tart. She smelled more like a human when she was working. Steve didn't mind the playful reminder that she was just a chameleon, that behind her face she was an ocean, going from blue to black to green and reflecting orange and pink, always a different shape. 

But always with the same rough sigh. "Pool, playing pool. He's flirting with everyone that looks at him."

Junior traversed from Bucky to Sam to Natasha, who held him for a minute. She passed him to Steve and started him making a quiet but persistent fuss about being stuck with him. Natasha wasn't mad or jealous about Steve being bred of course, but she'd been negative about it at first, and Steve couldn't blame her. "Stop--stop it, shh." Bucky was truly only half paying attention.

Guys? I'm pretty sure Tony must really love Steve and Natasha, because he commissioned an entire movie, I mean all the drawings, right, but definitely not a writer because it made even less sense than their synopses had, but now Steve could always have a nightmare that he was in hell if he fell asleep with Junior and Soldier on him.


	25. Doing A Thing At 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> >Talk about my omegas pregnancy with him  
> >Can't sleep afterwards

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha. What if I wrote the whole thing like this.

Steve made a nest out of the couch in the living room, making it big enough for him, Bucky, and the babies. Odie got the room she'd tried to beat Bucky up in, and everyone else got the All Dogs Go To Heaven room.

"Should we check up on the other Bucky? I don't think he likes to be alone."

"What? It's crazy I speak Russian. He's probably, _doing shots right now with all the other betas in Disney that somehow got dog-housed._ " Bucky said, switching back to English. "Aw, I know you didn't _dog-house him. Just whoever is only here because someone_ dragged them along."

" _Do you mind it? I feel like I'm louder in English, so._ More range when I can just talk" Steve elbowed him to keep him from talking about Steve's lungs.

"No. Do you feel any different?" Bucky reached for him, petting his tight stomach.

"I dunno. It looks like an ear, the ultrasound." Steve said, like he was going to say more about it.

"Oh, that's great. An alpha, then."

"Shut up."

"Hey, if I did anything embarrassing to you like rubbing my face in your chest, I'm chalking that up to _your pheromones too._ "

"You just missed me."

" _I could have been humping Natasha. Or Sam._ "

"They wouldn't have let you."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Yeah, _so, Odie's still around._ "

"I don't know why if she never talks to us."

"You have to think about it from her perspective--introducing 3 characters all at once?"

"Yeah, okay."

"You know, _you know._ You'll figure it out."

"I'll figure out what you were about to say? Would you stop? What's wrong with you?"

"He's getting too old for nests." Bucky said. "Plus they're bothering each other." 

"Oh." 

"Tough. What did he do about the--the sleeping thing?" 

"What?" 

"Does Soldier still wake up all the time?" 

"Oh he's pretty good. It's kind of cheating since he's right there. I mean it's one thing to wake up, yeah, every two hours, but if he wants to be a pill at 3:30, that just means he needs two naps. If it's much later it means it's time to get up." 

"Alright. I don't care what you're doing, I care what he's doing. You, I trust to treat them normal. _Are you hungry? Care for some raw shellfish?_ "

"Yeah, sure, why not?"

" _Want me to see if Del Taco's carry-out is open as long as the drive-through?_ "

"Do you need to?"

"I don't think you guys would like me borrowing someone's car just to get you some cinnamon pies and nacho-fries."

"No..." Steve agreed.

"What, need to what?"

"Sometimes you just do things."

"My brain is weird. _I'm sensitive to the atmosphere._ "

" _Vibes._ "

" _Vibes, yeah. Who taught you that, Tony?_ "

"I dunno. You see _good vibes_ with pineapples and foil enough you kind of start to get it. No, you said Soldier has vibes."

" _Oh, he's got vibes off the charts_." Bucky said, and then laughed because neither of them knew what that meant, and Steve laughed too."I just want everything to turn out okay." Bucky said after a moment. "I want everyone to be safe."

"Well, then you're going to have to stick around."

"Aw man, but I really wanted to sneak out and do shots."

"People at Disney do not do shots! If I find you in the morning doing shots, then maybe I WILL _dog-house_ you."

"Alright, that's fair."

.

"You know I wouldn't. I'm a good beta. I'm a good beta now. Even if drinking did much for me."

"Mmh." Steve said. "I know."

.

"Do you think," Steve mumbled, "Before we had society people would wake up with bred people in their nest and just keep them? Or if you have three bred people in your camp and in the morning there's two--that's more economical." 

"Five bred people if what we better have. What the hell are you talking about? Sneaking into nests? _Would you owe everyone in there a blowjob and then we keep you?_ " 

"No! What!" 

" _You're bringing a beta along._ " 

"Oh, right right right." 

" _Yeah._ " Bucky said, and his tone meant Steve had to interrupt him. 

"Of course I'd bring you if I ran off! Bucky of course." 

"Okay." Now he was just annoyed, overly patient. "So where do I fit in the fantasy?" 

"It's not a fantasy, shut up."

"Alright. It is me that's making you feel like a stranger. I don't want to talk about it. It'll worry you. _I would probably be guarding the nest anyways and have to walk you all around. And if you really wanted to get lost_ I'd have to trick the other guard at the new nest into letting me maneuver that. _You're not gonna lose me on accident._ Bother the other me about it when we go back to normal."

"What?"

.

"Steve?" Bucky prompted. 

"Hwhat?" 

"What." 

.

Steve woke up alone with Soldier, and he didn't know what to do so he went to Tony's room. The light was on in the bathroom but the bed was full. 

"Quiet." Soldier signed. 

"Yeah!" 

"Yeah." 

"Go away." Bucky mumbled from behind the bathroom door. 

"Omega, give me him." Natasha was awake.

"Are you sure?"

"Give me the baby."

Steve did, and then he heard Sam wake up and go "Hm?" And Natasha kissed him. 

"Buck." Steve whispered. 

"Go away." 

"Are you okay, want to give me Junior?" 

Bucky made a miserable little sound and opened the door, and of course Steve tried to block him from shutting it on him once he had Junior. "Come on." 

Bucky shuffled out, watching the bed for a moment before leading Steve out to the living room, pulling a room key out of his pants to show to Steve before putting it back and grabbing his hat and bandana. 

"Sorry." Steve said in the hall, because he couldn't help it. "What's wrong."

"Too many people. Not enough people." Bucky said like it was a dilemma, a choice he had to make that was killing him. "I hate you, I hate being alone with you, but I know that I know you and you know me and I like you. You're always there, good and bad." He said, in a frantic way made the beginning part hurt less than it might have. I mean, I suppose the other Bucky had mixed feelings about him too. He did a loop from the elevator to the stairwell, and Steve followed him down the stairs. Maybe it did hurt. 

They went down a couple flights. He took Junior back. Steve focused and tried to figure out the math Bucky was doing, because they didn't take 18 flights. Steve felt insane on the elevator, and Bucky snapped at Steve for staring at him. The kids that had boarded with them exchanged a look and then giggled. 

They sat in the lobby and they stared at each other. They were both still groggy, but this is where Bucky'd wanted them to end up, so his face was much less miserable. He nudged Steve's leg and Junior banged on the table. Steve nudged Bucky back. 

Steve took Junior and paced around guarding Bucky until he woke up with the continental breakfast crowd.


	26. Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve tracks down Bucky, who literally was doing shots, and they talk about names. Then Bucky ropes himself and Steve into a threesome in the extra room. Make-shift blindfolds, facials, oral, humping, Steve tops well Bucky rides him, knotting (fisting), mild creampie, the return of all those times Bucky breathed in Steve's ear, and Steve watching the clones make out and grope each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bucky has boundaries but we're not talking about Hydra until next chapter because this is the fun lighthearted sex one. Anyways I meant to be stringent about not being like "Real Bucky and Other Bucky", meaning this will probably come out sounding like 1 Bucky who is simply very flexible. Who says it's not...

"Hungry." Bucky whined, and they got some scrambled eggs and bagels. Bucky'd poured some waffle batter in the waffle machine, and then talked to some guy about sunglasses--he'd gotten his at an art and whine festival, and was wearing them notched in his tee-shirt collar because well, they'd been notched in his shirt from yesterday, and it was too early to expect him to be good at fashion, you know? But he really liked them and would have worn them anyways. See? It's a great conversation starter. He was digging through the ice for the right flavor of yogurt. Maybe I'll see you later. Yeah, maybe. Have fun at the park. 

Sam and Odie seemed to be sleeping in. Odie always did, and when Steve and Junior snuck into the other side of the suite to check on the pack, Tony was sitting up talking to Natasha who was laying in his lap because Sam had all the pillows, stretched out with Soldier curled against the inside of his knee. "Give me him." Tony'd signed. "Give me some toys." Steve also gave him a plate of tiny waffles with a cup of coffee balancing on it.

Steve glanced at Bucky, who was eating a croissant and getting crumbs all over his lounge pants, still wearing his hat. He was watching, okay, listen, this is going to sound bad, but he was watching YouTube on the TV, a music video about dancing on the beach, same song over and over, but on mute.

"I wanna go visit the other Bucky."

"Good luck finding him. Probably in Palm Springs. Mertyle Beach."

"Okay." Steve slipped out.

"Mesa."

* * *

Bucky was partially right. The room was empty. "Check Twitter," Bucky's note said. So Steve had to figure out which account Bucky was tweeting at, Cap or Steve, and it turned out to be Steve's actual personal account, probably having Tony's phone helped Bucky find it. After Steve decoded what he meant, he marched down to room 327.

"Hey. You must be Steve." Some big young alpha answered.

"Steve!" Bucky was in there... 

"Good morning."

"Morning! Come on in, we have coffee, the same coffee you have. You staying here?" The alpha said.

"Yeah." 

"What's up." Said a different alpha with even less cloths on. What is the dynamic of a 30-something-year-old alien and a bunch of frat-boys!!!! Follow your own advice, Bucky! Well, Bucky sitting on the office chair across from the shirtless alpha on the couch, apparently losing at Gin. The card-games-at-9am dynamic.

.

"I think he's gonna be an omega." Bucky murmured.

"Could be worse."

"No it could not."

"You're so mean and terrible. You hate omegas." 

"I didn't even name him that." Bucky said quietly. "They don't like getting stupid names." Yeah, okay, but... Babies don't pick their names and can't talk? "I could probably get Soldier to change to Bucky if he still cares that much, but you couldn't because I already just told you. I don't mind. Little Soldier, that's cute. James is the worst."

"They have Gunner and Hunter." Steve said. "I know that's not the same, they're already names. But most people will look at Soldier the way you look at Hunter."

"I think about tomatos. Hunts."

Steve smiled. "Nouns are kind of tricky, I think. Jimmy and Jamie though, Bucky." Steve said, and Bucky frowned. "Oh--our room is kind of boring, everyone is sleepy." Steve said.

"Well, I have a feeling that my room will just be me trying to break my own neck again."

"You were not, you were barely wrestling. You wouldn't do that in front of the babies or Odie and Sam and Tony. OR ME. New rule, no breaking your neck in front of me, I couldn't stand that."

"Yeah, whatever, alright that's fair. Hey, how mad would you be if I was watching TV again?"

"I'm not mad."

"You want him to be watching the news. It goes too fast. Yes it goes faster than bikinis. Tony and Natasha already watch the news. For me. I get stuff faster. If you ever need stuff like that, just grab the remote from me or ask me. But like in a normal person way, not a mission report way. Hey Buck, you look miserable, whadja overhear today?" 

"Hey Buck, you seem chipper, whadja overhear?"

"I dunno, those guys don't watch the news. Some YouTuber did something, is that news? Rooom service!" Bucky kicked the door, a bass noise amplified by the wood. "Sorry!" Just don't yell! Aurhg. 

"Mornin' Steve." Bucky got the door for them and lead them in. "Did you have any fun last night?" He asked Bucky, who'd been hearing YouTuber drama and playing cards.

Bucky rolled his eyes, pulling the office chair out for Steve, and sat next to himself on the couch. "Yeah sure, tons. You look like shit, how'd you get in here?"

"Steve let me in. This is my room now. I didn't even get a bed last night because Steve wanted me to himself." 

"Do you _really_ want to know what I was doing last night?" 

"Look at Steve." 

"I like when he makes that face." Bucky said.

Eh? Uhhh.

"You can't tell what he looks like." Bucky said, and he rolled his eyes. "You're projecting. Vacation not treating you?" Bucky said, in his face, against his cheek. 

"Vacation. I'm not helping you. Stop." Bucky said when he pulled his shoulder up to sign something secret against his chest and/or try to roll him onto his stomach and breathe into his ear. Bucky's eyes flicked to Steve and he flopped onto his back, laying against the arm rest with the other Bucky laying on top of him.

"Don't mind me." Steve's knuckles had been white before he untangled his fingers. Okay, listen, so

"Stop minding him, you'll give him a complex."

"Shh." Bucky tapped on the other Bucky's lips and rubbed their cheeks together. Bucky groaned and rubbed back. They were moving like fish in a green lake, or waves on blue rocks or blue rocks on waves. I think he's still spooky about rubbing cheeks, you know, but he's not spooked because it's him, himself. But when his hips rocked against the other's thigh, they both made a spooked noise. I mean, who knows. "Okay do that again. I'm right here. Yeah." Bucky said, and he let his hips move and hid against Bucky, who petted his hair. Bucky grabbed his ass--jeez--and got him to move more dead-of-center from his thigh.

And so they were grinding against each other, Disney Bucky rubbing his cheek against Space Bucky's chin in a lopsided way, and one of them moaned. And Steve was witnessing this. Boy oh boy was Steve witnessing this. "Yeah," Bucky was murmuring to himself, still kneading his ass. 

They started to change their tempo, rubbing rough and hard and sloppy. A surprised sound puffed out of Bucky when the other one moved down from his jaw to kiss his neck.

"Uh." Steve said, and they both zeroed on him in a way that made him feel like he was being shot out of a canon into a pit of wolves.

"Come here." They both said, falling over each other, going to stand on either side of him with their hands folded behind their backs.

"Captain." One of them said, and the other one smirked. The effect was lessened by their being in skimpy colorful pajamas rather than any kind of uniforms. 

"Hi." 

Steve convinced them to be normal and move to the bed. They stripped quickly, but the mood, which seemed like it had been very fragile anyways, was broken. At least for a moment, until Steve picked at the hem of his pastel tank-top. 

They _dragged_ him onto the bed, either of them pulling on his arms at the same time, one with the same calloused hand the other had, and one with the same warm-ish-cool hand, thumb-pad pressing against Steve's skin. They toppled him over, getting his shirt off on the way down and the bed took his weight. 

"Pants," Bucky said, and Steve shuffled out of them. "Nice." Bucky slithered up against his side--Steve moved his arm and skimmed it over his back, feeling the dip of his spine and trying to ignore the occasional surgical scars. He rubbed his face on Steve's jaw and ran his fingers through Steve's hair. And his dick was hard against the dimple where Steve's ass muscles met his hip muscles. 

The other was straddling him, best he could with Bucky so tight against Steve, grinding against him. Warmth crackled through him. 

"Okay, get this creep out of my face." Bucky said. The other one said, "I'm serious." Like it was one continuous thought. He slid off the bed. Bucky kept grinding, a little slower and thoughtful, watching Steve watch him wander around looking for something. Steve might have questioned it, but he's not the one sharing himself with his clone. Bucky had a nice ass and Steve liked watching him walk and dig through his suitcase. He came back empty handed, grabbed his hat and gave it to him, and tied his bandana around his head, and then jumped onto the bed and tried to headbutt him under the guise of not knowing where he was laying. to punch the other one under the guise of handing the bandana over too enthusiastically, but he ducked and then got off Steve's lap.

"No fighting." Steve blurted. "I know you won't." He tried to amend himself, but Bucky clicked his tongue. "No fighting!" He insisted.

"Oh, not even funny fighting?" Bucky humped Steve's side. "You don't like guys fighting over you?"

Steve meant to pause to think about that, but something else struck him. "I'm not doing anything with people that can't understand me." Boo, poor Steve, washing Bucky's hair and him not laughing at every single joke, boo.

"Who me?"

"Let him go. They made sex specifically so you didn't have to talk." Bucky said. Hmm...

"Get outta his room, then." Bucky said.

"Yeah, get outta my room then. We'll just go back to the couch. Take it or leave it, this is what you've got, it's up to you."

"WHY don't you like your face?

"Psychanalyze me or fool around."

"To be fair, this is getting pretty close to being weird." Bucky tipped his head back and looked at Steve from under the hat he had pulled low. "You should be glad I'm not a pervert."

That made Steve smile.

"That said, and I think boundaries are a sign of communication, don't bother with this." 

"Oh, don't touch your dick?" Steve said. 

"Yeah, let me handle that." 

"Oh." Steve said... 

"It's been sort of a long time, you know? I'm with you, though." 

"What about you, Steve?" 

He shrugged. "I'll tell you if something bothers me." 

"Great." "Cool." Bucky got back half-straddled, putting his hand on the center of Steve's chest. Steve squeezed Bucky's shoulder--he was getting a jerky rhythm going against Steve--and also Steve squeezed Bucky's thigh and he hummed so Steve traced his fingers up to grope the softer inner part. 

The other Bucky groaned exactly when Bucky's eye fluttered and he shifted under Steve's hand. "What, it's been forever I just said. No, I'm fucking with you." He said, and let himself huff out little grunts against Steve's neck. Oh jeez.

He kissed and licked Steve's neck, it probably tasted salty, he teased with his teeth and sucked, interrupted steadily to mash their cheeks together. Yeah, sometimes if you're randy or jealous or possessive your cheeks could itch to rub on someone, but it simply felt like Bucky was teasing him, not rubbing just bumping, like he'd go crazy if Bucky kept pushing on him like that, retreating back to his neck, which was also driving him mad. 

The one on top made a sound like he'd gotten the wind kicked out of him. "Where--I'm gonna," Fell off him like he was crawling into a trench, and came against Steve's arm. 

"Hey, wthat's where I was gonna be." Bucky said, reaching back to dig his cool thumb into the crease of Steve's elbow, catching his pulse. 

Bucky rolled over and stretched out to mirror himself. Steve felt bad they hadn't gotten a towel or something, but wiped some of the back of his arm off and then put it around Bucky, who hummed. 

"God dammit." Bucky said, throwing his leg over Steve to get to Bucky and try to punch him. 

"What did I just say, stop fighting." Steve laughed, catching Bucky's wrist and tracing the side of his thumb over the joint. "Sorry." Grabbing someone without warning is probably as bad as punching somebody without warning. 

"Nothing. He's on the wrong side." Bucky complained. "Sorry." 

"Suck his dick or something, I don't know." Bucky said. "Do you like that? Me telling him what to do?" He ghosted his fingers over Steve's collar-bone. 

Steve mumbled that he didn't know. 

"Don't act like you didn't think about this." Bucky teased. "When you saw I was gonna stick around." 

Bucky resettled himself between Steve's legs, and Steve bent one of his knees and leaned it against Bucky's shoulder. He moved to kiss Steve's knee-cap, and then worked down his thigh. It was so sweet, and Bucky's lips were so soft. 

The Bucky that Steve was holding nipped at the sensitive spots of Steve's jaw and a noise came out of his throat, which turned into an even weirder noise when Bucky closed his lips around the head of Steve's dick and he realized he didn't have much longer to go just from the kissing and grinding and squirming. 

"Good?" 

"Yees." Steve whined. 

"I can't see." Bucky took more of him, running his tongue along quickly. The other one let go of Steve's face so he could put his chin against his chest to watch Bucky's lips stretch over him. That was familiar, but not much else was besides their bodies. On a feather-down duvet with sun streaming in. Bucky snaked his hand down past Steve's hip to jerk him off from the base, and Bucky bobbed his head. And then Bucky stuck his tongue in Steve's ear and he yelled in surprise, and Bucky let go of him when he jerked, and cold air hit him. 

"Sorry." Bucky murmured, and sucked on his ear lobe. "Still pierced?" 

"Yes Bucky." 

Bucky licked a circle around Steve's leaking head and took him back into his mouth. 

"What do you wear, little gold crosses?" 

"What?" 

"Silver studs? I'm just asking." 

"Yeah, yeah, s-silver studs." 

"Shut up." I guess the idea is it's more serious to sign than mumble around Steve's cock, but the sign looked funny anyways. 

"Aren't you s'posed t," Bucky said, and Steve turned his head and bonked their noses together, catching Bucky's lips at risk of letting them start arguing. Bucky bobbed his head again, and the Bucky that was kissing him opened his mouth and he brushed Steve's bangs off his forehead. Bucky swallowed around Steve and he felt like he was going to die. 

"I'm gon--gonna," Steve warned, and Bucky kissed him again. Bucky pulled his head back just late enough that Steve came mostly on his face, I mean partly on his cheeks and partly in his hair and mostly on the banana, and making a strangled noise about it. 

"Sorry--sorry Buck, come here." 

"What." Bucky smiled, scooting back up, wiping his face, and licking his fingers. 

"Did he come all over you or something." Bucky laughed. 

"Alright. Here, I'll get you a wash cloth." Steve said to him. 

"I insist. Coming all over your arm." Bucky got up before Steve could, leaving his hat which had fallen off when he was sucking on Steve's neck. 

"He's trying too hard." Bucky said to Steve, looking at him like he wanted to gossip about himself. "Don't." 

"Oh." Steve took his hand back. 

"Oh, maybe." Bucky glanced from his dick to Steve's face. "I mean, hands. Don't f--nothing happened it's just. Well, what do betas even need dicks for." 

Steve shrugged, trying to think of something smart to say. "Well, it looks nice."

"The only thing you can do for him is fuck him for me." The other Bucky motioned for Steve and took his hand and got him to extend his arm, and then handed another wash cloth to him. 

"May--" Steve said. 

"Yes you may touch my face with that chloroform. I know what that guy's trying to do." Bucky closed his eyes and stuck his chin out. 

"Guilty." Bucky murmured while Steve carefully wiped his face. 

"Do? We have anything." Steve asked, and they made him say it. "Lotion or something slick?" 

Bucky grumbled exaggeratedly and went back to the bathroom.

"What's this say." He tossed Steve a little bottle. Oh God dammit. Oh, no never-mind, sorry, jeez, this is lotion. Bucky shoved him.

Bucky lay against Bucky's chest, he could probably see his hair but it didn't seem to bother him.

Steve got some lotion on his fingers--oh there is not very much lotion--and worked Bucky slow and gently. "So what's wrong with your dick?"

Bucky grinned, hissing out a little laugh, and Bucky reached down and squeezed himself indulgently. "Huh, something wrong with your dick? Don't you feel that?"

I mean, it was nice to watch if it was, like, okay.

"Yeah?" Bucky jerked himself a few times, and Steve added another finger and kept time with him. Bucky stopped to squeeze himself hard, sucking in air through his teeth. Steve stopped too, just in case.

"Oh." Bucky said.

"Come on Steve." Bucky said, so Steve pushed and dragged his fingers while Bucky stroked himself. Steve got a little faster, and Bucky came, body stiff, throwing his head back against Bucky's nose. Steve kept going with him until he was spent, and then pulled out carefully, grabbed the washcloth, and gave each Bucky a kiss. Steve lay next to them, and Bucky pushed himself off in between them.

"I think we need to work on our timing." Bucky remarked. He was pretty hard. I mean, Steve was too.

"I was gonna warn you that I haven't done this in a while, but we do have more lotion."

"The hell do you mean you haven't done that in a while, that's all you ever do that's what they pay you for."

"Is not."

"He does it because he loves it. He doesn't do it for the money." Bucky said. "Come on, Steve, come on and fuck me. I already asked you to and you _ignored_ me. I said the only think you could do for me is fuck me."

"That's what you said." Steve picked up the wash-cloth and Bucky's stomach quivered under the cool cloth and then he laughed. 

"Fuck." He reached his hand out, and Steve took it and wandered his hand up to his chest and he shivered again. 

"Good?" 

"So good. My Steve." 

"MY Steve." Bucky growled. Steve sat up, grabbing his ankle to get him to spread his legs. The lotion was warmer now, so it was easier to get out. "Steve." Bucky murmured when Steve snuck his fingertip into him. 

"Yep, right here." 

Bucky hummed warmly in acknowledgement, then drew it out when Steve slid in further.

"Ugh, dude, what are you doing to me." He said. The other Bucky was nestled up against his side, face hidden by his hair. 

"I dunno." 

"What." Steve said, watching Bucky's lips part silently as he slipped another one in. 

"Uhhhh, sniffing my hair. Freak." 

"I'm allowed to like your shampoo, it's shampoo." 

"And who's shampoo is this?" 

"Bruce or Tony or somebody." 

"Here's another one. Here you go, you got it, yeah." Steve thrusted them, curling them up against him. He caught him right and he grunted. Steve kept going, and Bucky got louder. "Alright, I'm sure we all have great stamina, but we're gonna run out of lotion." 

"Me." Bucky whined. 

"Me, I'm still lose I think." 

"Oh, I didn't mean..." 

"Just knot me." Bucky panted. 

"Oh, okay." Steve murmured, adding another finger, and Bucky cussed to himself in time to Steve's hand. Steve leaned over him, joining Bucky on the other side of his neck, mouthing against it and sucking. Steve filled him up, a little shallower, aiming carefully. "Ready?" 

"Yeah, yeahhh," Bucky chanted, and Steve pushed further in, knuckles being swallowed up, stretching Bucky out, and he clenched and fluttered around him as he came, babbling. He came against his stomach, getting some on Steve's, and Steve kissed the side of his mouth before they found each other's lips. Bucky threw his arm around Steve's shoulders roughly, and Steve opened his mouth against him and ran his tongue along Bucky's bottom lip and Bucky shivered feverishly. Steve pulled out slowly, and Bucky sighed. 

Bucky handed Steve the wash cloth--almost time to see about a third one--and Steve wiped them both off. Bucky groaned and stretched out. 

Bucky rolled over and arched his back. 

"Impatient." Steve chided. 

"What are you gonna do, watch him sleep?" 

"I dunno." Steve said. "Guess not." And then he squeezed out more lotion on his hand and spent some more cartoonish moments getting more out of it. 

"Seems like that really did it for you, alpha." 

"You always do it for me." 

"Aw, come here." Bucky turned back around, crawling into Steve's lap when he didn't immediately do as asked. "You're too smart." He kissed Steve's ear, not as loud as he could have, and left Steve with a buzzy feeling deep in him. 

"Always." Steve shooed at him, and he fell backwards off Steve, giving him enough room to stroke himself until he was slicked up. 

"Want me to ride you?" Bucky climbed back into his lap. 

"Yes." Steve said, barely even thinking about his options. 

"You ready?" 

"Are you? We could always--in the shower--shampoo or something." 

"Yeah, I'm ready. I don't need your dick to smell like his hair." 

"It's weird when you say it like that." 

"Yeah, I'm a weirdo." Bucky took Steve's dick and guided it in. "Just lay down, thereeee." He growled. Steve groaned. Bucky was so hot and tight and perfect. "You look silly." Bucky rasped. 

"I should do this more often." 

"Yeah, it's pretty great." Bucky moved his hips, and Steve grabbed Bucky's ass. "I love you." 

"Love you too!" Steve said. "Love you Bucky." 

"Mmmmuv youh." Yeah, that dude's not asleep. 

"I love you, Bucky." Bucky said, so so sweetly. 

"Xibit A." Bucky rolled onto his side, face mooshed against the pillow. 

Bucky returned his focus to Steve. Boy, has Bucky sure been flirting with himself a lot this morning. 

Bucky bounced on him, and Steve babbled, "God, oh God Bucky, it's so good." 

"It's for you. It's all for you. Jesus." 

"Quiet down, you'll embarrass him." Bucky muttered. 

"Shut up. Shut up. Auurghnnng." Bucky panted. 

"So good Bucky." Steve's chest was so tight (with love, not asthma) he was practically sobbing. 

"Steve, Steve, Steve." Bucky sobbed, and he clenched up and rode it out shallow and fast. Steve squeezed his ass and came too, filling Bucky up with nothing much, but it would look filthy running out of him. He got off Steve and layed against him with a heavy sigh. 

"Good?" 

"Good exhausted." 

"Good. You two need to sleep." 

"Then you need to extra sleep." Bucky kissed the side of his head, and Steve sighed. He reached for the other Bucky, who grabbed his hand loosely with his left hand, and then rolled over into him. 

Steve woke up. It felt like a lot of time had passed. 

"Greetings, omega." Bucky said. 

"Is that my phone?" Steve only had one hand since the other Bucky was still asleep. 

"Yeah. I didn't need you waking up and scrambling to tell the pack do not disturb." 

"Oh. How are they?" 

"Good. They went shopping. I convinced them to let me skip it, it sounds like a lot." 

"Oh." 

"Your passcode's toooo easy." Bucky set Steve's phone down, with one corner against Steve's arm. 

"Oh, you used my thumb?" 

"No I did not use your thumb while you were asleep. I can fake a thumbprint." 

"That's different from just using my thumb." 

"Duh. I probably could have guessed the numbers. Next I'll have to figure out how to make my face look ugly, because it'll move on from thumbs to faces." 

"No, wouldn't it be irises?" 

"You wish it was." 

Bucky sighed in his sleep, and Bucky laughed. "Nice try. I don't sleep dainty like that." 

"I noticed." Steve said.

"Anyways, no it's gonna be irises. I can read the future." 

"Yeah." 

"Well, that was my back pocket. It's minds, it's mind reading." Bucky said. (That somehow made more sense than reading the future.) (Well, Bucky was good at lying anyways. That is the reason it was so easy to believe him. So, just to sum up, this whole time Bucky'd been trying to get into Steve's head, and then when he just explains what he was trying to actually accomplish without lying or trying to have one secret between him and Steve like he wasn't having the longest week of his life finding his best friend is a brick wall with a sheet over it, now they are having the same thoughts, with no distinctions. No one has probably ever done this, been in the middle and not just an observer. Hey why don't you observe letting me sleep.) The other Bucky sighed. 

"I don't want you to be thinking about me." 

"Wait, wait, do that again. That was nice." To be fair, it was pretty nice. 

"Focus on Tony, he's pretty easy. He talks to himself a lot." 

"That seems like cheating." Steve said. "He can't read mine back." (Well, he could probably make a machine, like from Back to the Future when he was trying to sell magazines. Now that has to be third-hand-thought. Well, it doesn't really matter. And I promise the rest of this story won't just be cute and smart little comments, because Steve is a baby telepath, he's gonna lose the thread and forget how to do it and no one knows how to teach telepathy without potato chips and oreos and a brick wall and a closed door in a closet and a thread in your sweater.) It is kind of very hard to get out of someone's head once your in it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YEAH, the mind reading thing, is not going to continue, even though Bucky has been trying so hard and bugging out about it. Because I don't think they should be sharing their memories, since Steve has an idealized Bucky, and Bucky has torture. But now if they're alone together, I think Bucky will be cooler, chiller, happier.


	27. My Mistake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Odie eats bugs, Bucky gets mad at Steve for being pregnant and they yell at each other, Tony tries to break in the new AI, Steve and Bucky bother each other about PTSD and promise to have each other's backs, Bucky tries a couple times to explain how he has a habit of using the mind-reading to disassociate, and Steve cuts Bucky up.

"Have you had any alien progress?" Steve asked Natasha on the way back up to the SSSS for a pitstop, quietly so maybe Bucky wouldn't see them in the corner of his eye. 

"It's probably just 'don't let Hydra ruin earth and also SHIELD' but until Bucky gives me a message, it's eh." 

"Oh. It's nice of them to care about us letting Hydra ruin SHIELD." 

"You know." Natasha said, and Bucky started talking. "Trust." 

.

"I always thought my retirement would be me in the spare room with a Build-a-Bear and a squeaky hammer." Steve said, bustling around in his lab.

"Not fair." Bucky said. One of him was pacing around the ship with his nose to the floor and his pupils blown, and the other was trying to figure out how to work those metal disks doctors used to have on their foreheads. 

"You say that. Want me to make you an ant to try to burn with that."

"No! What are you doing."

"Making you something."

"What is it."

"Something."

"I'll sell it to a zoo. Give me the ant I'm gonna eat it."

"Let me make you one that tastes good, then. Oh, hey, do you still want to be de-serumed?"

Bucky's eyebrows went up. "I don't know everything that has ever happened in the whole world, you know." He mumbled. "How am I supposed to know what I said to you up in space." He paused. "I don't know, I never thought about it."

"Oh, okay. Well, you did, at one point."

"Can't we admit that me and him are two different people and that I'm the real one? Can we stop being snowflakes about this?"

"No we cannot." Steve said. "I'm lucky I have both of you, I want both of you to be happy."

"I'm better than him. I have memories. Lilo and Stitch."

"So, what, we should take him out and shoot him?"

"Why do I have to have two of me."

"Because that's just what happened! You don't want to kill Soldier."

"He's just a baby."

"That's YOU."

"A worse me who won't stick around. Leaving you with Soldier and then joking about it. Did he follow on the Twitter's yet?"

"He left Soldier with me because you don't want to have a baby all alone." Steve argued. "But you rescued him anyway."

"Can you make Bucky stop pacing around like a jail warden." Odie threw the door open, somehow looking like she was holding Bucky by the back of the neck like a naughty kitten she was tossing outside.

"Stop doing that to people." Steve blurted. "Are you okay? Come in here, little alpha." He said.

"What." Odie grunted.

"Steve's creating abominations." Bucky said.

"Here, eat this."

"Jesus Christ." Bucky snatched the new peetree dish. 

"What is it?"

"Apple cinnamon ant." Steve said.

"Apple cinnamon ant." Bucky passed it back with utmost skepticism.

Odie looked into the dish and she saw a wretched lonely ant sniffing around, and she looked at Steve and then back at the ant. She tricked it into climbing on to her finger and ate it, but didn't say anything funny. 

"How are we gonna raise these guys, anyways." Bucky said as she was leaving.

"People are probably expecting me to either beat them or treat them like royalty." Steve said.

"My grandma escaped the communist regime only to find that in America all they did for fun was sit around on fire escapes and talk." Bucky said.

"I can't put up with this, I'm gonna go pace in front of Odie's door on purpose." The Bucky's switched places (?).

"What are you making?"

"You're going to hate me for this, aren't you."

"No, I'm the nice one." Bucky said.

"Hmm..."

"Do you have names?" Tony said.

"You're not supposed to name them this early." Steve said.

"You're Captain America. You could probably," Tony said, and Bucky laughed, and of course that made Tony laugh and Steve frown. "Give birth to an ox. I meant strong as an ox not loose as an ox." Tony was still laughing. "I'm sorry."

Steve rolled his eyes. "Joshua or Margaret."

"I apparently can't stop you from legally naming both the Bucklings the same name, are you telling me that I can't even stop you from naming your daughter Peggy." Tony said.

"Have your own baby. Why can't I name her that. You know how important Peggy is. And it's not fair th-- It's a cute name and a great namesake."

"Alright." Tony was like, please God do not start crying right now.

"Yeah, have your own baby." Bucky said.

"Tell Pepper to hurry. I saw Sam's face when he said he was too old for Buck-E-Bees's."

"He is too old. All of you are too old. If you're on the roster, you're too old." Bucky flipped from defending Steve. "No more babies."

"Shut up." Steve said.

"No you shut up! I don't need all this to keep happening. I can hear people when they talk. I'm trying to fucking explain to Odie that her mom wasn't evil. God dammit. I'm the one trying to tell her, she's like a concrete mold because no one ever told her anything."

"What? Calm down."

"No. What about Natasha, huh?"

"Bucky."

"You can't just do this I could have killed you. You could all get killed. What happens after that? Stupid."

"Nothing, because that's not going to happen. We're an entire pack and the world is different. It's easier for kids. Stop talking about death and getting old, it's not about that it's about family and making the best out of a stupid situation. You said it would be fine. Stop yelling at me." Steve yelled.

"It is when I'm here." Bucky got louder than Steve. And then there wasn't any noise, which is actually kind of crazy because the Hephaestus was louder than the inside of an air-conditioning transformer.

"Bucky." Steve tried to follow him, but Tony caught him.

"Let him cool off. He didn't mean that."

Steve broke away, but didn't have anything to say, wasn't even barring his teeth, just breathing.

"You calm down too."

"Why."

"Relax." Tony held Steve's hand.

* * *

"Haha, cracked it. Now all we have to do is extract it, then load it up." Tony'd let Steve and Bucky come and criticize every < and / he inputted into that AI from the alligator basement.

"Wait. What if AI wants to live in Hephaestus606." Steve wondered to Tony.

The screen behind Bucky lit up blue. "But there's holes in it. Space could get in."

"Two holes is actually pretty good, I mean imagine if there were, like, 30 god damn holes." Tony said. "Or three."

"Microfractures." Bucky said.

"I _know_ about its stresses. I know it's a little creaky. Am not saying old ship is good." I was saying that :( "I'm just saying, that's probably where AI was supposed to be."

"Nah, AI's don't work like that. This is actually as far into this argument as I'm willing to go. We can always just ask the AI themself if they want a lemon or a sport. Assigned the obviously better choice at unboxing."

"Plus, it's Frankensteined. It's a Hydra ship." Bucky continued.

"It's SHEILD ship. Me, Natasha, and Clint were on it, that's it."

"Yeah, that's what I was saying." Tony said. "That's what I was saying. AI's don't work like that, they just fill the volume of the container." Tony said. "And they make the volume good thus sayeth the Lord. The end. Last verse of the Bible."

"May the grace of God be with you all, amen." Steve recited.

"No--I'm still listing things that are wrong with the Hephaestus606. Nothing should be on it. You should not be on it."

"After you go back to normal you can go on weird ships. Haha." Tony said.

"Sexist. That was sexist." Bucky mumbled.

"Well..." Steve said, ready to let Bucky win. And change the subject, apparently.

"No, it's normal to be bred, of course, that's the default state omegas should be, my mistake, I'm the sexist." Tony said.

"Yeah, boo, linguistics. Cheap." Bucky said. "Steve." He said.

"Fine, sure, I get it, no old ship, sorry."

"Put that thing in the sun."

Tony chortled. "Yeah."

"No! What about alligator."

"What were you going to do about the alligator? Like, sure, donate it to a zoo, but how would you get it out?" Tony started out fairly seriously because he knew Steve would feel bad just roasting an unsuspecting alligator, but then by the end he was laughing. 

"Blow-dart the butt." Bucky said. "Blow-dart the butt."

Steve accidentally lit up like he hadn't thought of that before, and Bucky glared at him like he was stupid.

"Our great new mascot, Feral Alligator." Tony rolled his eyes.

"Steve when he's in heat." Bucky said. 

"Do you want to get mauled?" Steve said.

"I made you a dog." Steve said. "Service dog. For your... PTSD... You don't want it." Steve observed.

"Sorry." Bucky said, and then sat Steve down on the bed, which was re-made. "What's it supposed to do."

"Um. Be your man's best friend, keep people at a distance from you, help you calm down from panic attacks, ground you from disassociation..." 

"I don't have panic attacks. Don't say that it's not post-trauma enough or that just because I haven't had one yet doesn't mean I won't."

"Okay, that's good, no panic attacks. It's good, I'm not arguing."

"How does it do disassociation." Bucky said, like he was going to patiently debunk this dog.

"Well, she'll bother you and nose your hand with her wet nose."

"That's not how I do it. I could calm her down. And still not mind."

"We could teach her something else."

"You'd have to get me a million dogs. I don't have human PTSD."

"What do you have? Just very strong disassociation?"

"No, I just have me-PTSD. Super PTSD."

Steve smiled. "Oh." Oh no was that not a joke. "Do you at least want to see her? She can just be a companion if we let her lapse."

Steve went to his room and she followed him back.

"Oh Jesus." 

She was light German Shepherd with spots on her cheeks. She was huge, but not like a Great Dane, just like a huge Shepherd. Proportionally big. And she did not have a shadow.

"Charlie." Bucky said, trying to lift Junior so he was looking over his shoulder, but he twisted because he wanted to see and then cried when Bucky wouldn't rearrange him. "What, you think that'll work? Where have you been? Try it on Steve."

"Down." Steve preempted the dog's excitement, let--letting Soldier _look_. She sat with her head in Bucky's lap. And I mean really in there. Bucky pushed her away and she licked his shoe. "I didn't mean to make Charlie..."

"She's cute."

"I can make you the perfect service dog. I can make you the perfect pet dog. We can have all three."

"When did this come up?"

"Superman has a dog."

Bucky laughed and shook his head. Steve sat with him, and Bucky let him lean on him, giving Junior the chance to poke at him, and then patted the bed. The dog stepped her front legs onto the bed, and hopped up, and tried to climb over them. Junior skreeched and laughed when the dog looked at him, and Soldier reached for her. "Would you tell me about your disassociation."

"You're not that kind of doctor." Bucky protested, but growled thoughtfully and Steve let him think. "It's the mind reading. Sometimes I just step into people. I used to do it to Tony. And it's less jarring when people look at me and they THINK about me, they know me, they SEE me in their own way, it's less jarring if I'm seeing everything like that. People look at me and... Or when people touch me... I'm just used to doing that because, well, it's easier to 'be' the one with the power. And it used to be about that, not just bumping shoulders. It is now, it's not getting cut up. I know that."

"Oh wow, that's... Well, Well, I can get her to not let people touch you, or just make them have to think twice. When you tell her to be doing that. I can--it's not--you don't do that when I touch you"

"When I have Sol--I don't remember. Not always. I didn't mean to say it's my choice. Yours is weird, because I can't go in yours even though it's you touc--making contact with me. I just don't need her to bark at Tony every time he's in the room." Here comes another debate point, "I'd get used to that anyways!"

"She'll keep trying other things. When you, if you want her to be on it. When--maybe if you have a micro-expression for when you're--doing it on accident."

Bucky still looked miserable.

"Did I push you too hard?"

"You sicced a police dog on me. I didn't say it right. I'm not scared of Tony. I miss feeling people's hand on my shoulder, not my shoulder in their hand. That's--that's. Don't tell--don't be thinking that I said I'm scared 3 times in row. I mean I don't want the dog to catch me doing it and always decide it's a bad thing! Sometimes I need to look in Tony's mind to figure out what the fuck he's talking about. I just like being in there. It's a great big beautiful tomorrow. He used to be scared of me too, you know. I really turned him around."

"Hm."

"Is that wrong? Making him like me even though I took away his parents?"

"Uh, uh uh uh, well, well do you want to know her name!" 

"Yes."

"Dr. Pepper."

"Ohh, Tony's gonna _love_ getting barked at by Dr. Pepper, Steve."

"Oh."

"Oh. My real, my real dog should be named Boone's Wine--no, RC!--and Dr. Pepper is now, and I _know_ you're gonna hate this, yours."

"I don't need a dog, that's so silly. She can just be a family dog."

"I'm gonna retrain her while you're not looking and then one day you're gonna be thinking about space or blood or hell and you're gonna get knocked over by the world's biggest dog." Bucky made his voice so sweet at the end that Dr. Pepper and the babies got really excited. Dr. Pepper's tail was like a dinosaur's.

"I don't think about hell that much anymore."

"Oh good. Hey, hey, if you get to notice me being jumpy and paranoid, I want to do the same. And I'm going to cheat. I know what Sam thinks, and I know what Tony tells Bruce, and someday I'll figure out Natasha."

Steve huffed. "It'll be silly. We'll look like we have a sled-team."

"You should have thought of that before you showed you hand."

"I made a frog, also." Steve said, all defensive.

"You made a frog?" Bucky said.

"A real one." Steve clarified, imagining Soldier pulling it apart like clay.

"Why?"

.

"Why don't you ever tell me off? It's healthy to fight." 

"We fight all the time." Steve said, and then guessed what he wanted, but not the reason why, "You need clothes to be in my office." 

"You can do better than that." Bucky walked himself and his shorts over to Steve and rubbed his face on his elbow. Steve put the beaker he was eyedropping out of down. 

"Tell your other self to brush his teeth. You can't change the baby in the common room. It's rude to laugh totally out of no where in a conversation." 

"Also, I want to skip to my feral stage. I'm tired of asking for things." He leaned against Steve. 

"Do you just want me to nag you constantly and you ignore me, then?" Steve could hear Bucky's lungs and heart and arm. 

"Grr-grr-grr." 

"That's just how betas are." 

Bucky smushed their cheeks together, and rubbed vertically rather than horizontally. Steve pushed back a little, partially because he was happy Bucky was rubbing on him, and partially just because of all the weight he was bearing. Bucky didn't like that and went to rub on the standing scale. 

"Oh, that's the kind of feral you want?" Steve said seriously. 

"It's just, you know. I don't not want to rub on people. I feel crazy." 

"It doesn't look that bad is the problem." 

"I'm a little house with termites and rot." 

"Your chin doesn't look great." Steve poked him in a spot that didn't look scarred at all, and Bucky closed his eyes. "Doing alright?" 

"I dunno. Yeah, I'm okay right now." 

"This hurts?" Steve poked him in a different spot. Bucky didn't say anything. "Buck, I need to know how careful to be." 

"It's not so bad. You know it's me even if I just smell like glycerine. That's, I think, why you feel lost. You expect me to be marking you, but I can't, you know in your mind, but you also remember when I was. Younger. I'll let my beard get so bushy it gets in the way and strangers can just pretend." 

"Here, I have an idea." Steve gave him a Sharpie and starting running around and plotting with Dr. Pepper on his heels. "Do you want to not smell blurry? Or just fix you so it's not so tender?" 

Bucky rubbed the bottom of the marker on his face. "Both. Think you can get the right balance of beaver guts and hickory?" 

"Yeah Bucky, you smell like hickory." 

"Well, how'm I supposed to know. You smell like paper." 

"Well, yeah, I guess so." 

"Big sap."

Steve whined. "What would you do if I tried to fix you and just screwed up your face."

"I'd say thanks for trying. I dunno."


	28. Siren

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You TEXT people?" Steve squealed.  
> "Odie, do you text people?" Bucky asked her very seriously.  
> "Do YOU text people? Like you would let me tell you something important over text. You'd side-skirt it or something and then sit me down and make me do all the talking."
> 
> How old did you think Odie was? Well you were wrong because Steve and Tony are letting her drink! Great. Must be old. My fake ID that says I'm 3 years older and have Jack disease. They're at the beach then breakfast and military surplus store, then they go to the pool.

It was beach day, except Tony made them go to this cute little place in California, instead of just some quiet wonderful place in Florida.

"So pretty." Steve was just staring at the sea. Dr. Pepper was letting him, because he was just thinking about nice things, not monologuing. And Bucky, who was all healed up with a totally new scent of his own whims because apparently there's more to recreating a scent then 'smells nice' and 'it just is Bucky.' Bucky'd been rubbing on everyone, the babies were his, Peter was his, Steve was his, Sam and him were each other's, and so on. Steve could have done with less Joker references based on how he'd dressed Bucky's face, but that's too bad for him, bedside manner is letting JBB be a jerk to you, that's literally the textbook definition, because the other definition was dealing with SGR. 

Dr. Pepper really did end up working for Steve, somehow. Mostly she was on 'keep the babies from eating sand' duty, under the red, white, and blue umbrella Tony'd made them take.

"Sam!" Bucky jumped up and knocked Sam over. Sam has telepathy, too. For birds. Bucky pinned him and was staring at him. 

"You guys are gonna get all sandy." Steve laughed. 

"We'll go in the water." Bucky rolled off him and Sam put his head on Bucky's arm, and then they both sat up becasue the sand was lumpy. Bucky was feeling cuddly though, rubbed on Sam who leaned on him. "What kind of bird is that?" Bucky said. 

"Gull." 

"What about that one." 

"Gull." 

"What about that one." 

"Riveting." Odie said. 

Odie and Steve were digging a big hole. Natasha, Tony, and Bucky were having breakfast at a cafe a few blocks inland. And Sam and Bucky were trying to drown each other or something, it may not have been pretty, but it was sure entertaining.

"So." Odie said once she got bored of the hole. Steve squinted at her. Nat had taken her to get blonde highlights, and there were some strands that had escaped her bun and were flying around in the seabreeze. She looked out at the ocean. 

"Look at this." She unlocked her phone and thrust it at Steve. On it was a picture of a young alpha glowering at the camera, at a bit of a dutch angle, wearing a blue hat. He had Odie's nose and brow, I mean, if she didn't have the scar. Steve glanced from him to Odie, who immediately lost her patience and grabbed the phone back. She went back to digging.

Maybe she'd planned to catch Steve alone, but he didn't know what he was supposed to do besides poke her shoulder and then hug her, mashing her sunglasses against his shoulder, and then kiss her hairline.

"Oh, you can't even see, because it's windy. That's my dad, not just some guy."

"I can see." Steve said, grabbing one of the babies, preempting a baby fight, and setting him on his knee. He definitely knew which out of the two identical babies this one was.

"Don't call them up." Odie complained.

Steve put him back on his towel, and then snatched the corner back when he picked it up, and they fought over whether he should be allowed to dismantle his little area or put the sandy towel in his mouth or whatever he thought he was trying to do.

"Are we going to drive and find him?"

"Okay."

"I don't know how to talk about this with you." Odie looked at him like, me? proving his point unfortunately. "Have you called him?"

"No." Odie said, looking young for a moment.

"You're going to call him."

Odie grimaced like she would burst into crocodile tears if she had to actually make a phone-call.

"Not right now." Steve said, and hugged her again. She showed him another picture of her birth-father, older, in sunglasses and a faded red tee-shirt. It was a selfie, and right behind him was a grill with two steaks and red and green bell peppers. "Aw. He seems nice."

"Can I put Junior in the hole?"

Steve frowned thoughtfully. 

"Sorry." 

Steve patted her arm. "It's fine. (But, no.)"

Odie glared into the hole for a moment. Steve snapped his fingers at Dr. Pepper, and she sniffed Soldier. "Oh no, doggy nose!" Steve said to Soldier, kneeling at the hole to keep digging. Odie helped clumsily. Then Steve sat in the hole, and Odie grinned and started burying him.

Steve's phone buzzed from his pocket. "Oops." He muttered, and Odie cackled at him. "Little alpha, can you get Bucky's phone? Over there?"

ARE YOU GUYS HUNGRY YET. Tony'd texted.

"It's not even noon." Steve observed.

"Isn't water good for bred people."

"You want me to get wet AND THEN eat lunch??"

Odie smiled. "Whatever. Can I take a baby?"

"To the water?"

"Please." She pouted.

"You..." Steve said. "No. Ask Sam. Ask Bucky."

Odie pouted like, fine, I won't.

"I'm independent." She said.

It would be prudent for Steve to ask Bucky, the next time he was feeling like answering questions, whether he could read the future or thoughts or whatever of someone this far up the beach, because when Odie's face crumbled up, and Steve raised his arms out of the sand to hug her around her neck, and she laughed, Sam and Bucky were already coming up to them.

"Look at you." Sam was grinning. "Need a little help?" He got on one knee and started reburying Steve's arms. 

"Oh, thank-you." 

"Aw, Tony misses you two." Bucky said.

"He misses you, too!" Steve said immediately.

"No, he can't miss me, has me." Bucky reminded him. "What do you guys think--staying or going?"

"Little alpha wanted the babies to touch the water." Steve said.

Bucky raised his eyebrows. "Did they get any sleep?"

"Just now? No. They've been, they've just been little sand monsters."

"Well, I'm hungry."

"Aw." Odie said.

"Maybe when they know how to swim in a pool." Sam agreed.

"I'd be surprised if they didn't." Bucky admitted. "Next time." He grabbed Junior by the arms--author note that's bad actually--and swung his legs around before tucking him against his arm. Steve grabbed Soldier, and put him on his shoulder. Dr. Pepper stood up. 

Odie and Sam packed up, and Bucky took the chairs and umbrella, and they started walking. 

Folks, I know as Captain America, walking 6 blocks is not hard. I just wanted to break in, here, and remind you of that. Odie was fed up by the time they got there, and Steve had badgered her into giving him her towls. Because he could walk 6 blocks with skater boys in the tunnel under the coastal road, and on the sidewalk, with weird wind, and his feet. 

So in summary : Tony was quizzing Bucky on embarrassing things that only the other Bucky might know, Bucky was eating his second plate of biscuits and gravy and really enjoying the atmosphere, Natasha was also quizzing him on ridiculous things, Soldier was the only thing that Steve was allowed to think about, Bucky was making Junior do coffee-creamer shots and asking Sam who Molly Ringwald was, and Sam was arguing with Bucky about whether Breakfast Club was good, Steve was too hungry to focus on one line of the menu, Odie was playing with her shirt, and Dr. Pepper was sitting on Steve's feet.

"I meant, want me to send a car, not, walk all the way over here with two kids and a dog, Jesus." Tony said.

"Yeah." Steve said to Soldier, who smiled. "Aww, are you my little guy?" Soldier knocked on Steve's head like it was an oaken door in a gothic castle.

"Can I get you four anything to drink?" The waitress said.

"Lemonade, please." Steve said.

"I'll take a mimosa, please, ma'am." Bucky did a shimmy.

"Ooh!" Uh-oh, she thinks he's cute.

"Ice tea, please."

"What kind of juice do you have?" Odie said, and then forgot to pay attention.

"Cranberry, apple, and orange."

"Can I have a hot chocolate, please." Odie decided.

"I'll get those right out for you!"

"Anyone want a hot chocolate?" Bucky said.

The waitress came back? With burger steak and eggs, and biscuits and gravy with hashbrowns and eggs. "Here, this is for you."

"I'm allowed to like biscuits and gravy." Bucky, the one who looked exactly like the Bucky that had gravy in his mustache, took the plate and passed it. "Steve." And he passed the burger steak to Steve.

Steve looked at Tony, who handed him a fork. "This isn't fair."

"Yeah it is. What else are we doing today? You can just order seconds with Sam. Can you read at the beach?"

"No, omegas have weird eyes to make us stupid. Stop saying I can't see. Just because I was raised in the city doesn't mean I can't see at the beach."

"You grabbed the wrong baby." Bucky observed. "At the beach when you were gonna send the dog to get me to interpret Odie for you."

"Don't tell _everyone_ that. Junior's mine, too. They smell the same, most people's babies all smell different."

"Here you go." The waitress came back and gave them their drinks and a short-stack, which was apparently for Steve. Not to be modest.

"Can we actually have two hot chocolates."

"Huh? Yes, of course."

Bucky and Odie traded drinks.

"Hey." Steve said.

"I'm old enough. I just don't have a federal ID." Odie said.

"Knew I was forgetting something. Hey can you drive a car?"

Odie grinned at Tony. Tony sighed.

"What's our game-plan?" Bucky said. "The zoo? Space Invaders? Snake?"

"Hydra." Steve took his butter knife away from Soldier.

"I still have a week off." Sam offered. Steve smiled, and nodded once.

"I have negative one week off." Natasha said. "Now that I know you're real, I'm going to have to interrogate you."

"He isn't." Bucky said.

"I'm pretty sure you have to catch me first. Be careful." Bucky said. Natasha bared her teeth, and they laughed at each other.

"I've got Iron Man stuff to do, probably."

"Aw, no."

"I mean, I can put it off another week, probably." Tony said.

"What do you--nor..."

"How are you guys doing?" The waitress was back, and Odie shut her mouth.

"Good."

"Mighty fine."

The two Buckies glared at each other.

"Don't listen to them, darling." Tony said.

"I'll have the ham and eggs, please." Sam said.

"Oh, uh, I'm supposed to order too. I'll have the hash, please."

"Alrighty."

"They keep saying their hash is good." Tony and both Buckies remarked.

"Yeah I... know."

Tony and the Buckies fought for a few moments. Steve cut into his food. "Buck, can I feed him?"

"Pancakes only."

Steve put some syrup on them, Soldier almost put his entire little hand in Steve's eggs, and then he wouldn't eat. "Come on, Soldier." Steve started cutting the pancakes up, and Soldier tried to stop him. "Here."

"Yah." Soldier said when he finally tried the pancakes, and then opened his mouth to show Steve how well he'd chewed it up.

"Yeah? It's good?"

Soldier wiggled impatiently, accepting another bite and then getting bored. 

Bucky was giving Junior whipped-cream off the extra hot chocolate. "It's not good." He told Soldier, who turned dramatically around (read as: almost hit his head on the wall) to look at Steve.

"Not fair." Steve decided, and stole Bucky's hot chocolate.

"Eat your food."

"I'm trying." Steve did eat some burger steak. It was good. It had all the grease of a good burger, and also eggs and bacon. "Can I feed him my hash?"

"He won't like it. I burnt him out on salt."

"Oh yeah I wanted to ask about that."

"Well, nobody offered me anything. Then I found a bag of saline that weighed wrong. They used to tube me up. So I just took a wild guess. I know you don't drink distilled water. I figured if you cared you'd give me baby-milkshakes or something."

"Wh... You should have asked, or..."

"You gave me milk. Apparently I yelled at you too much. But you can't get mad at him for stuff like that without explaining it."

"Sorry for getting mad. I didn't mean to be mad." Steve said.

Soldier mashed a piece of pancake up, Jesus Christ, and Steve tried to get him to wipe his hand off a little on a napkin. Steve snuck bites of his own food in between feeding the baby. He put some whipped cream on the pancakes. That was a hit. This is just desert for breakfast, okay, alright, I see. "He's going to have to eat salty some time."

"It's Saturday, that's cheat day."

"It's Wednesday." Sam said.

"Oh ew." Bucky said.

Steve smiled.

"What about your mother." Bucky suddenly said.

"I said don't make a scene." Odie exclaimed.

"She was younger than you." Bucky said. "Everything is your grandpa's fault. Make your own scene. Everything." Bucky said. "What?"

"I want to see my dad." Odie announced blandly, annoyed that Bucky'd cut her off.

The table was a bit cool on that. I mean, Steve looked around, and they were all thoughtful in a way that showed Odie'd managed to catch all of them alone sometime. Maybe so they couldn't talk back.

"Eh." Tony said.

"If that's your decision." Natasha said.

"It's probably not going to turn out like you think, but we'll be there for you." Sam said.

"What he said." Tony said. "He's not gonna replace your whole childhood."

"I _know_ that." Odie growled.

"In your head you do."

"Call him first." Steve said, hand tucked under his chin.

"Text him before you call."

"I know how to talk to people. Shut up and leave me alone."

"Why the hell can't babies eat honey? They can eat everything else." Bucky changed the subject, sounding like he was opening debate. 

"They should be capable of it because honey is good and they deserve it." Steve steel-manned him.

"Nooo, they cannot, they can't eat meat, that's why they can't eat honey. What have you been feeding him?" Tony said.

"Not IV fluid. Not cotton candy, either."

"H&M... Mullets... Blues, supplies... Zed bras... Zebras?" Bucky was mumbling. "Cummies? Crannies?" 

"Cammies?? Are you trying to read the sign on the military surplus?" Sam said. 

Steve and the Buckies whipped around to look through the window at the big military surplus store fuck yes can we please go! 

"Oh." Bucky said. 

"OH." Tony said. 

They all bought new boots.

"Are you guys letting me drink now that you know you won't get in trouble for it." Odie said.

"No no no no no." Steve grabbed the champagne, the entire bottle, out of the bucket, and it dripped ice water all over the place.

"Well, that was to sneak into the pool." Tony said. Pool and beach in one day. Who thought of that.

"A whole bottle of champagne? Big and green, sneak into the pool? The champagne label from room service, and no one sees it?"

Tony was offended.

"My mistake, not the brand that room service uses. You're ridiculous."

"We're having a good time. I got my eye on her. I'm the alpha."

"Heads up, alpha." Bucky scooted next to the couch and held Soldier like a shot-put.

Steve and Tony both made horrified noises and Soldier tipped over and fell onto the couch cushion.

"He sticks it! Woo!" Bucky scooped him up and sat him on top of his shoulder and paraded around with one hand spread across his back and the other holding his arm up. "Top of the world."

"Fucker says he's not a toy." Bucky grumbled, setting Junior on his shoulders and holding both his knees. Junior was jealous of himself. "If anyone touches me in the pool I'll drown all of us."

"What crawled up your butt, you two swapped personalities." Tony said.

"I contain multitudes."

"He never got to goof off with his baby in space. Babies don't get to goof off anymore, they're always on their phone." The other Bucky said.

"I never got a 3DS," Odie looked up from her video games defensively. "Mm, I was indisposed when Animal Crossing came out. Thanks."

"Well that settles it, you're going swimming."

"I'm putting the babies down at fucking 8 o'clock." Bucky said.

"What, I could stay up here with you." Steve said.

"Nope, I'm going down there. Coming back up." 

"No fighting. Steve, what do you want? Grape juice and sprite?"

"What?" Bad?

"Kid champagne." Said Tony.

"Absolutely not." Bucky said. "They do not need that."

"Mix water, grape juice, and sprite and water."

"Sprite and water is what adult champagne is." Steve said.

"Whatever, put your suit on." Tony pulled him into the bathroom.

< hr/>

"In short, relax." Tony was saying, down by the poolside, watching Sam, Natasha, and Odie playing monkey in the middle with a volleyball. "Boy, it's loud in here."

"Yep. I need to smoke."

Odie came over to the edge. "What." She prompted.

"We're kidding. I'm not a fan of humidity."

"You people. Side pocket of my bag." Odie offered, swimming away.

"I'll do it, coward." Tony took a rectangle out of her bag.

"Huh?"

"I vape, yeah." Odie said.

"Yeah." Bucky said.

"YOU vape?" Steve said.

"No, I'm just saying yeah."

"Odie, you shouldn't vape."

"Steve doesn't like it." Bucky said.

"VAP." Soldier spelled.

"VAP." Steve returned, and Soldier wiggled like a fish.

"Hm." Odie made a face at him and slunk underwater.

"Lame." Tony said and ran out with Steve and Bucky. The other Bucky lowered his sunglasses and looked at them like a librarian who was too cool to get off his lounge chair and/or stop watching Natasha jumping for the ball.

There is something nice about being around in public with an alpha and a beta. Betas did change while Steve wasn't looking, soft where they were hard and hard where they were soft. I mean socially. He'd ended up knowing the whole history through the different waves of empowerment the greek alphabet rocked through. You start by searching for pictures of betas in the 50's wearing tight cloths and aprons, because you miss Peggy and Bucky so much you could die, and you end up reading gender studies crying about some anecdote somebody's grad student said about how betas parent. Alphas just got more philosophical.

They accidentally ended up in a silent patio on rumbled tan cobbles with rust-red umbrellas. So they were just in their own bubble, not in public. Also, miraculously, it was cool out.

"What are you so smiley about. I know that went over your head. Bucky?"

"I'm not getting up." Bucky said. "Send Steve to the corner so I can smoke my baby's weed-vape."

"This is weed?"

"Shh."

"How are you?" Steve said. 

"I'm fine." Bucky said.

"You wanted to swim."

"I dunno."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somebody read this tell me if it's good https://drive.google.com/file/d/1mEuk4wmeaB6ND9W2RGH0hVZD0iXlbZlb/view


	29. Forget Balloons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Yeah whatever. Holler if you need to me to fight it with you."  
> "You're just mad because not all tentacle monsters are rutting. Sometimes I need a tentacle monster that can think straight."
> 
> Tony and Steve get jacked off by tentacles.

"Hey, you good?" Tony knocked on the door.

Steve had asked Tony to be on-call because he'd summoned a--alright let's admit it, tonight-- _lab_ assistant. Tony had been pacing around, waiting for a fight that won't happen, and now he was hearing whining. Meaning Steve had probably snapped and was torturing something, as Tony was always wheedling Steve about how it would be cool if he turned evil.

Tony opened the door and stopped with a gasp that sounded like he was drowning. One of the assistant's tentacles already was slithering along the floor to Tony's ankle. Tony tried to form words.

"Is THIS a boring tentacle monster?" Steve his cool dramatic sweep turning into a little whine by the tentacles around his wrists restricting him and the fact his hands were shaking. Some more tentacles wrapped his elbows.

It pulled Tony toward itself, causing him to fall on his butt.

"Bad? I have a second..." Steve said, and the monster whined at him and pulled his arms. "Ngh. No."

Tony let the thing pull him along, eye grazing along Steve and making him blush--or blush more than he had been. Steve was pretty sure he had some red or purple marks along his cheeks at the very least. There was a tentacle down his throat, but it was actually pretty shallow and more focused on Steve's lips and tongue, swirling and pressing against him, and Steve was kissing back (and now he was aware that he'd been babbling and moaning against it.) Steve probably also had marks on his neck from suction cups.

Big tentacles were wrapped around the back of his neck and his waist and across his shoulder blades, and his legs were so thoroughly wrapped up that Tony probably couldn't see them. 

Same for his dick, swathed in tight, squeezing tentacles that his hips stutter as he tried to keep a rhythm with them writhing along him.

From the way the monster had Tony with one leg up, it was easy to see his packer was already tenting his pants, and Tony was pulling at his belt with a curious tentacle reaching out to try and help. Tony was blushing a little, and Steve stared at him accidentally while he desperately fucked the monster.

Tony whined, and that pushed Steve over whatever edge the monster had him on, coming and crying out, and the monster pushed him to keep moving through it. "Oh God."  
"God," Steve was saying, trying to replace his softening dick with his hand to knot this non-human creature for some stupid reason. The creature moved against him like it wanted him to just fist it, so he started moving his hand.

"You just--wanted to show off for me." Tony grunted, cloths and gauntlets off, hips rutting against circling tentacles. He had one hand extended a little, wrists and elbows controlled like Steve's but not pulled back, and a couple tentacles were moving against it. Steve hummed to himself stupidly. Tony whined again.

Steve, thanks to the serum, was just about ready to swap his hand for his dick again. He pushed in, through the rises of tentacles, gasping and then biting his lip. They were wrapped around him and squeezed. "So good," He was mumbling, and the monster stroked along his side.

"Fuck, fuck!" Tony 'PLEASE let me fuck one of your monsters' Stark seemed surprised when he came, jackhammering his way through it. 

"What do you th?" Steve asked once Tony looked like he was getting a reprieve. He was surprised he had enough slack to almost reach 'think,' but the monster caught him trying and pushed his wrists back together. 

"This is stupid. I guess--in Soviet Russia you fuhgwgh." Yeah, how come Tony gets to talk, huh? The monster silenced him with an aggressive kiss.

"Auuugh." Steve strained to pull his arms back anyways. The monster pushed him to focus on moving his hips, whining again.

A thick tentacle slapped against Tony's cheek and didn't let go. He made a weird noise and tried to rub against it. It made cute little popping noises as it gave him blood blisters, pulling off him slowly and he keened.


	30. Ostrich

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who was Disney Bucky texting?

"I still have to keep the other Bucky out of Hydra's hands. I've got a thing or two to tell those aliens for cloning the only good supersoldier that Hydra has." Natasha said, folding up the shirt she'd worn yesterday. They were packing their cloths. They had to give Odie back to her pack, you know. Tony could negotiate putting them up somewhere later.

"The only bad supersolider. If it's Hydra then it's bad." Bucky said, juggling toys for the babies, who watched like it was a shell-game.

"They have poor, shitty ones." Natasha crossed the room. "And you're not, in theory, so you're good."

"The only not-poor, not-shitty, bad supersoldier."

Steve put on sunglasses and a leather jacket. "I can be bad."

"The only not-poor, not shitty, bad supersoldier that looks cool in leather."

Steve's heart literally broke.

"You looked insane." Tony tossed Natasha's bag to her. Steve glanced at him.

"The only insane supersolider." Bucky claimed.

"They definately have other insane super soldiers. That falls under shitty." Natasha said.

"Should we saying this in front of babies." Steve said, and everyone smiled except one specific Bucky.

"God dammit." Bucky mumbled. 

"Don't bet on me!" Steve whined!

.

"Did Bucky tell you about Sierra?" Tony handed Steve a beverage. 

"What is this?"

"Smell it."

"Sunkist?"

Tony grinned. "More adult."

"Non-alcoholic alcoholic Sunkist." Steve guessed, utterly miserable about it. Tony giggled. "This better turn me around on soda." Steve threatens.

"Oh yeah, I forgot in the old days Coke had charcoal in it. Well, trade me with me."

It was pretty sweet of Tony to go out of his way to trick Steve into drinking La Croix with a White Claw wrapper on it, and then hand him almost-definately caffeinated coffee. The best place to be pregnant is not space, it's in the old days when smoking was good for baby, let alone coffee. "Just tell me about Sierra." Steve suggested, dipping his nose into the cup like it was a wine bouquet. A sharp, dark cup of chiffon coffee.

"She adopted one of Bucky's potato-clock babies, and when Bucky was trying to kidnap Odie, he tracked down Lou, and Sierra was like, bitch kidnap somebody else's kid. And now, they, like, make each other ambrosia or trim each others hedges."

Steve was very calm and cool about Sierra. "Euphemism?" 

"No." Tony laughed. "I've, I've never seen them in person, though, so, maybe. I meant like that southern hospitality thing. Bucky, the other one, told me that Sierra made him spend the night and bought him new cloths, can't get Levi's at Disney, and then Bucky, like, stole an ostrich from a zoo I guess? And gave it to Lou because Sierra wouldn't let him have one, which, yeah. And Sierra said the cloths were for her brother but hadn't fit, and Bucky said, what? A what? How'd it make it across the freeway? That so crazy? that it got in here? And Sierra let him keep it."

"Ostriches are the ones that are 6 feet tall right?" Steve said.

"Yeah. Well. No, it wasn't an ostrich, what am I saying. Fuck I forgot. Peacocks? Anyways, Bucky wants us to visit."

"Okay. Where are they?"

"Tenesee."

Steve yawned. "Alright. I want to drive."

"We can fucking fly, you know." Tony said.

"Mm."

"You need to go back to space." 

"Five more minutes."


	31. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm just going to the store to the store! All together. They look at Christmas decorations, shirts, Bucky asks Steve if he wants to put him in the chair, and they talk about the body and blood of Christ.

Steve was pregnant as all get out still on this blue ball of an Earth. Not by choice! Things just kept on happening. Like just a couple days ago... He owed Clint a visit! Lucky and Dr. Pepper did not get along, and he and Clint were grasping at colorful straws. Maybe Lucky's feet smell bad, or maybe Dr. Pepper doesn't like his humor. Or maybe it how that sweet monster drank water. She always saved a mouthful to run around with and dribble. If you had her tennis ball, she would drop the water to take it.

There were bouncy balls and little cars strewn on the lawn, but the kids were more interested in playing with Dr. Pepper. Which is fair, the kids were impossibly bad at aiming kicks or throws, to the point where Steve had embarrassed himself asking if space travel had sabotaged their brains. No, it turns out that babies have poor coordination and understanding of the world. Must be frustrating compared to just running around yelling, because that's what they settled for.

"Oh my God, she's herding them." Clint realized.

Steve watched, and, yeah, she had a line she was towing against them. You know, the funny thing about Shepherds is that they're shepherds.

"What's wrong, are you crying?" 

"Jeez, calm down." Steve wiped his face, the most incriminating thing to do. "Thinking about shepherds just makes me think about God and love and stuff."

"Oh, gross."

* * *

They were at Forklift which is Costco but Tony was in it. I don't mean to compare it to Disney like some kind of wackadoo. Catering is great, but at this time of year you got to buy red meat in person and drink draft pinapple cream soda and pizza for $5 while you breathe on all the cheese samples.

Also Odie was here, it was that time of year as I said. She had her little pack and they had split off from the group a while ago, after Steve in the car had tried to get her to stop bothering Bruce ineptly enough that Dr. Pepper had put her head heavy on his thigh. Odie'd been harping, also, like she didn't understand Earth culture, calling it Thankgiving with no S and Christed Mist.

"I used to be allergic to incense. The Christed Mist." Steve said, getting some laughs.

"They're making gluten free hosts." Clint said.

"No leavening, no gluten, might as well use real meat."

"Bucky!!!"

"The new trick is just that it's still Jesus, not whoever took a slice off. Preist does it in front of everyone..."

"Bucky stop." Steve accidentally looked at the Bucky who'd just talked, so he shut his mouth like he promised so sweet and honest to stop blaspheming, and the other Bucky picked it back up.

"Asks if that's a good thickness. God speaks for priests, right?" Bucky said, and he chimed back in, harmonizing poorly with himself. "Beloved... is this a good cut of my lamb?"

"Don't do that, creep."

"Where's the wine come from?" Tony said.

"I dunno, I wasn't allowed to have any." Bucky said. "Hey Steve do you think the priest believes it every time, or is it kind of a going through the motions passively letting God do it without actually praying to him on purpose. You know when you ask for something you know you'll never get or when you don't have to ask and someone just gives it to you." And they both scrambled to apologize.

"Shut up." Steve said. "I just cry about God so much, it's my new thing."

"Yeah." Clint said. "He's not kidding."

"Oh." Bucky's faces got some color back. "What the fuck is that?"

"Christmas dragon."

"Christmas dragon!" Tony threw his arms out. Big dumb thing.

"Crimma dag." Junior squealed. "Wiss dgun." Soldier announced.

"I'll get it. Don't think I wouldn't buy a Christmas dragon." Clint said, and Bucky rearranged Soldier. Steve took him.

"Steve." Bucky said, pulling him into the hearing-test booth. Beep. His mouth worked, and he looked at him with his big shimmering eyes.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm trying to figure out--" Beep. "What you want. You're getting along."

"I'm, yeah, he's." Joshua. Steve lifted his arms from his stomach for a moment, putting only one back and holding Bucky's hand.

"I've been talking with myself." They both laughed. Beep. They laughed some more.

"Beee!" Soldier said, and the babies shrieked and laughed with Steve and Bucky. 

Bucky was huffing and puffing. "Fuck. Okay." Deep breath. Steve rubbed Bucky's arm. He had a rain-slick on. "The babies, when they start walking, or whatever," Beep. "They can just stay separate. One on the farm, one in the Tower. I dunno. I don't know," Beep. "We can figure it out."

"Okay." Steve said. Wait. "No. NO. You're also going to the farm," Beep. "And the Tower. Easy." Maybe for some reason not easy for Bucky, but it was possibly the only idea Steve could think of besides putting Bucky on the roster or putting him up in Florida and Texas as easy transitions. "Bucky."

"I'm an adult. If I get a hair to go out and kill," Beep, "Myself, I could do that, because I can drive and aim a gun, but you and all my friends are gonna be mad and maybe you'll even kill me in revenge. I can't die until Natasha lets me."

"You're a super-sold--" Beep. "--ier." Steve reminded him. "Neither of you can die until I let you."

"Are you sure? You're willing to keep an eye on both of me? Because I had this idea."

"Yeah?"

"Okay, so the chair on the Hephaestus is o--"

"No, no, no, no." Steve shouted over him. 

"Okay, good, got it, wrong answer, I was just bouncing it off you."

"You can't bounce that off me. You're staying here. We're not--we're not gonna try moving your memories around because you're a person with experiences, you both are, you can't tell me the babies are gonna be fine after you start crying because they made a joke and you think you're gonna miss them, you're not because I'm not gonna let you. I'll keep you two in the same room and I'll keep an eye on you myself and I'll pin you down every time you make a move on yourself."

"That was just my allergies. That's a stupid plan."

"Then I'll call and visit you--" 

"No."

Steve was like, well what the fuck else is there.

"You're supposed to say 'stupid plan it is' so that I can make fun of you."

"What? Oh. Oh, okay. Stupid plan it--"

"AAH." The other Bucky jumped into the booth. The babies were great sports, screaming their heads off excitedly for him, but Steve had been listening to his arm for a while.

"Is. You're gonna induce labor. You're not allowed to scare omegas." Steve said, and Dr. Pepper stood up and squeezed her shoulders into the booth with them.

"Excuse me, only one person in there, please." Someone said. The three of them poked their head out.

"Sorry, sir." Steve said.

"Plus, there's always cryo." Bucky said, walking with him. "I'll still be here. But there's so much. You're lucky I'm even here for this timeskip."

"I guess."

"Well I was thinking since Mother's Day is a week from Tony's birthday and Father's Day is a week from yours, the babies legally are New Years Babies and it's November right now, it seems like a no-brainer to just not give me custody. Even if I just--even if I just do disappear."

"It's not all together." Bucky chimed in.

"I'd feel bad arguing about this with you, but." Steve said.

"Your 'but' has been duly filed."

"Noted. It's duly noted."

"Fuckin' whatever." Bucky said, full 1930's Brooklyn. "Buy me chocolate."

"Alright, but I only have two hands. Easter. Your birthday."

"April, omega."

"In March sometimes."

"Fine, thaw me out for March Easters. I only take Godiva bunnies."

"Don't put my cryopod next to his cryopod. I want to be recognized as my very own person." Bucky was like, I also want a Godiva bunny.

They went through the cloths section. Steve found a shirt and showed it to Bucky. "What do you think?

"NO." Junior said. "No." Soldier said.

Bucky was grinning. "Yeah, that's nice. Isn't it?"

"No." His baby said.

"Grandpa shirt." Odie said.

"Like, cool grandpa?" Steve said.

"No."

"Maybe." She looked at it.

"No!"

"What do you want for Christmas?" Steve blurted.

"Christmas." Bucky said.

"Uh... Uh. Books. Mysteries. Sue Graftan. Do you have to buy those in bulk here too?"

"No."

As soon as they showed off their receipt and went outside into the brisk air, Odie blew bubble-gum smoke at the back of someone's head and looked at Steve. It was pretty polite, because I think a kid with gauges in 2014 could vape anywhere, not just next to the shopping-cart-storage-area. "Do they like bless the incense or what?"

"Don't do that." Bucky said.

"Oh, sorry." Odie said, and glanced at her pack.

"What's next." Tony said, like he wanted to stay out.

"Put butterball in freezer."

"Oh right."

.

Works Cited

1\. "I am a Strange Loop" Hofstadter, Douglas. [google.com/digitalphysics/ru/pdf/kaminskii/a-strange-loop-douglas-hofstadter](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=&ved=2ahUKEwi7uuPlvPjrAhVUHzQIHTdrBDkQFjAAegQIBRAB&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdigitalphysics.ru%2Fpdf%2FKaminskii_A_V%2FI_Am_a_Strange_Loop--Douglas_Hofstadter.pdf&usg=AOvVaw36WGrbvNRs0YHVVGceQ_kF) (I'm kidding I haven't read this, but I saw a post on tumblr about it.) 

2\. "Being With Bees" Armstrong, Kori Nadine [aquila.usm.edu/masters_thesis/190](https://aquila.usm.edu/masters_theses/190/) (Tony's "beekeepers should dress sexy for the bees" speech.) 

3\. "Ep. #322 Money Plane" Kalan, McCoy, Wellington. [flophousepodcast.com/2020/09/episode-322-money-plane](https://www.flophousepodcast.com/2020/09/episode-322-money-plane/) (Tony wants to fuck that alligator so bad it makes him look stupid.) 

4\. "Best Before" Temple, Nicola. [books.google.com/books](https://books.google.com/books?id=U10-DwAAQBAJ&printsec=frontcover#v=onepage&q&f=false) (haven't finished due to library closed)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay I finished it.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Hello Governor](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28423581) by [bladesummonerv](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bladesummonerv/pseuds/bladesummonerv)




End file.
